At the Hillocks of Hysteria

Happy 4th of July!

2011-07-04T04:01:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone enjoys some freedom today, and every day.

Have a drink for me, I'll be working.

It Gets Worse

2011-06-27T09:45:00.000-05:00

I'm not normally a Daily Kos reader, but I happened to click on this link, and decided to share. I like the title's play on the "It Gets Better" campaign.

It. Gets. Worse.

You've got "the sky is falling." You're telling people that same sex marriage will destroy things. We've got Vermont.
And New Hampshire.
And Massachusetts.
And Connecticut.
And Iowa.
(Yes, Iowa).
And New York.
And we've got those states as examples of places where same-sex marriage is not only legal, but where it's just there, and soon enough will fade into the background. No one seems to be confused these days when I fill out forms indicating my status as "married" and have a woman's name listed as my spouse.

QFT. Read the whole thing.

Your Gathering Storm leader

We Are Family!

2011-06-24T23:15:00.000-05:00

Congratulations, New York! Look for a recall against the republicans who had the strength to do the right thing.

Meanwhile, Minnesota will be voting whether to go backward and ban gay marriage, which is already illegal under state law. If it's really about letting the people decide, make the amendment yes or no to legalizing gay marriage. Just sayin'.

Maybe by the time The Spinoff is old enough, if he's gay he'll be able to choose a partner based on love, like his parents and grandparents did.

Celebrate your Pride this weekend. It should be a doozy!

Your Fabulous For a Day leader

Remember Those We Have Lost

2011-05-30T19:56:00.003-05:00

Our real heroes.

Workin' My Way Back To You

2011-03-29T14:16:00.005-05:00

Time flies when you're taking care of a baby.

The Spinoff and I have been having a wonderful time this past month-and-a-half that I've been home watching him. He certainly enjoys listening to Sirius/XM "60's on 6," the most when Daddy sings falsetto along with Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. We've come to an agreement on napping, and that the Spinoff promises not to repeat to his mother any of the language he hears while watching "Deadwood" with Daddy.

I've been complaining about the bibs the Affiliate has been buying for him, though. It seems the inexpensive bibs that absorb spit-up the best also have to come with little writings like, "Jock," "Flirt," "Li'l Dude" and "Tough Guy." Quite frankly, not wanting to raise a dude-bro is high on my list of goals. I'd prefer an array of bibs with things like "Scientist," "Genius," "Li'l Scholar" and "Smart Guy," but nerd bibs are pretty expensive. Alas, his D&D onsie is the best I've been able to provide so far.

The video game world has been all atwitter about this post written by some guy who doesn't like that there are gay characters in video games. He feels that since he is a straight male, anything that doesn't interest him should be removed from his games. The game in question is "Dragon Age 2." I've written highly about the 1st game in the series, "Dragon Age: Origins" (Which also had possible homosexual relationships). I haven't played DA2 yet, because I have a baby at home and other games to finish first.

Anyway, one of the game's creators, David Gaider, responded with a defense of the game, saying that the relationship options in DA2 were for everyone, including, but not just, straight males. My favorite line was, "You can write it off as "political correctness" if you wish, but the truth is that privilege always lies with the majority." Simply seeing privilege of the majority discussed in such a forum was both surprising and refreshing. I'm sure Mr. "Straight Male Gamer" has never once noticed a lack of options for gay or female gamers who want to play characters closer to their real-life selves. Of course, for reasons I can't fathom, the increase in options to include others is often seen as the oppression of the majority.

I ask this, however - Why wouldn't a straight male gamer choose to play a homosexual character in a video game? I have no problem being an elven wizard from Denerim, three things which I am not in real life. I also wonder why the simple act of having a gay character make an advance on a straight player is seen as an affront. Apparently the player can say no, just like with any other in-game romance he or she decides not to pursue.

In the end, there are plenty of video games aimed at the young straight male demographic, with plenty of boobies thrown in so they can be sure to know they are really straight males. Please leave the adult games with intelligent stories and decisions to make to those of us who aren't scared of catching The Gay from a line of computer code.

Well, the Spinoff has awakened and is politely inquiring as to why he has not been fed yet. Until several months from now, when I post next.

Your Bottle leader.

Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition

2011-02-06T22:42:00.007-06:00

A long needed template change. Nothing else needed to say about it.

A month ago I mentioned that things were looking up in Egypt. So I've got that to live down. Hopefully the people get their democratic elections without too much bloodshed.

Packers fans will be especially unbearable for the next few months, until they finally sober up. Just remember that the Packers wouldn't have made the playoffs without 2 seriously botched calls in the Pack's 1st game against the Vikings, one call that even the NFL declared to have been wrong. So that's out there.

I wasn't helped by being forced to choose between a rapist and the Green Bay Packers. I chose to cheer for the referees. (Let's go, Black and White! Get that Instant Replay right!) They did quite well, I'd say.

The game started out bad, but ended up being somewhat exciting. Which was good, because the best commercial was an NFL commercial that put team colors on a bunch of old TV characters. And when I say "best," I mean one of like 3 even interesting commercials.

And the commercials were high art compared to Christina "Xtina" Aguilera, the washed up and completely irrelevant pop star getting the words wrong in a National Anthem performance that could have had Roseanne Barr turning down the volume.

As for the halftime show ... sigh ... um ... OK, I'll start again. As for the halftime show, it's time for the NFL to give up and just put pee-wee football kids out there at halftime for the Super Bowl. Black Eyed Peas put on one of the worst performances I've ever seen. The mics didn't work, the special effects didn't work (They should have changed the lyrics to, "Where is the V?") and as someone on Twitter said, it looked like what people in 1983 thought the 2011 halftime show should look like. And BEP themselves have always been over-hyped. Their songs that don't suck are just OK, Fergie can't sing and one of the guys looks like Weird Al with straightened hair. (Alternate Joke - "One of the guys looks like The Rock decided to grow his hair out") Also, Fergie, if you're going to imitate Axl Rose, you really need to do the falsetto.

So, yeah, let's try something completely different next year. Those little kids running around always get big cheers from fans at the Dome. They certainly can't be worse than the shit this year.

To sum up, last year, I missed the Super Bowl because I was busy getting kicked in the nuts. Tonight, I was feeling nostalgic for last year.

Your There's Always Next Year leader.

And More Than That ...

2011-01-08T03:29:00.004-06:00

A quick update to an earlier story I posted on. I hope the posters at Jim Hoft's site read this story about Egyptian muslims protecting Egyptian christians on Egyptian X-mas.

That's the coolest thing I've read in a while. It's a start, anyways.

Your Sometimes Hopeful leader.

Honey Dipped Flim Flam

2011-01-06T23:04:00.007-06:00

Although I thought this was already done, Andrew Wakefield's autism study has been declared a fraud. Not just mistaken; out-and-out fraud. Anderson Cooper interviews him and gets to the point. Wakefield sees a conspiricy against him and is standing by his work, facts be damned. He also keeps pitching his book, which is standard scientific procedure, I'm told. Cooper has a golden line when Wakefield tells him to read the book for more information; "If you're lying, the book is also a lie." Anyway, it's a good takedown. (Edit: Link to the actual article)

Of course, the anti-Vax folks continue to support Wakefield, despite the medicine being against them, because they don't care about facts. The folks at Science Based Medicine, as well as Elyse Anders of SkepChick and Parenting Within Reason have been wonderful about countering anti-Vaccination claims and showing them to be false. Make no mistake. There is no evidence that vaccines cause autism, and there is evidence that they save lives by lowering the incidence of disease.

Now Wakefield is peddling his bullshit to the Minnesota Somali community. Hopefully they will understand that Wakefield is a fraud and a charlatan and will tell him to go to hell.

Well, I'm off to go over my finances and see if we can afford to keep the Spinoff and still survive. Seeing how hard it is to make it on $250,000 a year, I'm not sure how we can possibly get by on 1/2 of that. Anyone know if I can sell my spleen?

Your Two Posts in One Week? Must Be Bored leader

Happy New Year, 2011

2011-01-03T04:09:00.005-06:00

I've found it's much harder to type with a baby on your lap than a cat. Coupled with a just plain awful Vikings season, I haven't been blogging much. I'm sure that won't change, even when I'm staying home with The Spinoff.

On the other hand, the Internet is so full of mockable idiocy.

Like Jim Hoft, who says President Obama made up dead muslims in an attack on a christian church in Egypt. Of course, what Obama actually said was there were muslims who were "victims" of the attack. Which, since 8 muslims were injured, is true, unless Hoft thinks you have to be killed by a bomb to be a victim of it.

It takes 50 comments on Hoft's site before someone mentions that muslims may possibly have been injured, mostly because everyone is busy calling Obama a muslim, a terrorist sympathiser and a "towelhead" (which makes no sense because even if he were a secret muslim, everyone knows Obama was born in Kenya, and they aren't necessarily known for towel wearing). Of course pointing out the injured muslims makes no difference to the folks in the comment section, because to them all muslims are terrorists and it's good if they get hurt.

As we all know, Yahweh is awesome because if you believe in him, you don't have to be bothered with pesky stuff like facts and science, as this Facebook believer so aptly demonstrates.She says, "Fact- if the earth was 10 ft closer to the sun we would all burn up and if it was 10 ft further we would freeze to death... God is amazing!" (Note: Nothing in that quote is a fact) Someone responds, rather politely explaining how the Earth's orbit actually varies by quite a lot more than 10 feet on a regular basis. So the original poster thanks the guy for correcting her mistake, right? Not quite. Instead, she comes back with, "Okay thats cool and alll but dont ever comment on my status telling me that i am wrong everrrr again. I didnt ask you did i? Answer: NO" How dare someone try and correct her mistake! If she says god did something, then none of your liberal "scientific knowledge" and "facts" are needed, mister. Go back to your ivory tower!

I keep hearing right-wingers talk of anti-Christian bigotry that is rampant in America. If correcting statements that are just plain wrong is anti-Christian bigotry, then I can see where they're coming from.

And with that, I have a baby to feed. Good Night, reader.

Your Facts-Schmacts leader.

Merry X-Mas!

2010-12-24T11:30:00.003-06:00

The X-Mas Story. Sort of.

May Santa Cthulhu eat you first.

Your Happy Merry leader.

The Spinoff Has Arrived

2010-11-15T20:57:00.004-06:00

K.G. was born today at 0321 hrs. I'd post a picture, but there are people out there with no shame or sense of human decency who like to act in uncouth ways, even when children are involved.

So you're getting a baby tapir instead.

Anyway, we're very happy and healthy. Thanks.

Your Happy Dad leader.

Tell Her No

2010-10-05T18:30:00.003-05:00

Who knew that a Zombie Pub Crawl could become too commercial. Well, it did. Selling tickets to a Zombie Pub Crawl? Are we going to charge kids to go trick-or-treating this year too? Anyway, if you're not sure if you are a zombie, and wondering if you should go, there's a quick test here to tell you if you're a zombie.

Of course, no amount of organizing will stop the zombies in the end, and somehow they got me chained to the Precinct desk yet another year for the Crawl, so I won't be there to stop them. In case you didn't know, here are some tips to help you fight the zombies. Good luck!

Happy * Day!

2010-09-06T13:31:00.002-05:00

Happy * Day! Hopefully you don't have to work like I do.

(*Due to the Affiliate's condition, I'm not allowed to use the "L" word.)

Do You Know How Lucky You Are?

2010-08-18T18:09:00.005-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen ... Brett Favre ... We got him! (Again)

It's been a while since there's been zombie news, but this investigative story should have us all sighing in relief.

Unfortunately, that list doesn't take into account people in their 20's apparently being completely worthless. This seems inevitable. Adulthood has been moving later as our lifespans get longer. You couldn't wait for 25 to be an adult when your average lifespan was 28. I'm not saying this is a good thing, of course. This is partly parents allowing their kids to stay with them longer than maybe they should. Not to mention that there are a lot of people and not many jobs. I think it's high time we start moving folks to the moon.

Speaking of the moon, I'm curious if any muslims out there can tell me how one would determine when Ramadan starts if one was living on the moon, since determining the start relies on seeing the moon.

Apparently having a nationwide radio show is bad for free speech. Laura Schlessinger is upset people called her a racist for saying racist things, so she's quitting. She wants her "1st Amendment" rights back. Come January, Dr. Laura will be free to say whatever she wants. Hopefully, no media carries what she says. We wouldn't want her rights violated.

Your Say It Loud leader.

The Heat Was Hot and The Ground Was Dry

2010-08-12T16:55:00.003-05:00

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!! No word on whether Brett "Baby Cheesus" Favre will be playing this year. More on this developing story as it develops.

Someone who will be playing is Hussein Abdullah, who has a plan for Ramadan, since he is fasting during the day, which means he can't eat or drink, even water, during the day, even when practicing. When Bud Grant was coach, this was SOP for all players. Of course, back then, the players weren't downing massive amounts of diuretics to mask all of the steroids they weren't taking, so it wasn't as big of a deal.

The real question is whether Abdullah will be allowed to play against the Jets. After all, the New Meadowlands is only about 12 miles from lower Mahattan. Will New York conservatives allow a devout muslim to get that close to Ground Zero?

Your Waiting For The Season To Start leader.

These Are The Ways The World Will End

2010-08-11T02:50:00.007-05:00

In case you aren't a Facebook friend, and you care, we're having a boy.

And apparently Mark Dayton won the MN DFL primary. Which proves once again that the DFL endorsement process doesn't really find the person most DFLers will vote for. Of course, winning the primary hasn't led to too many victories lately either, so Dayton's got his work cut out for him.

Of course, Tom Emmer probably thinks Relativity is a liberal plot, so he's got that going for him.

So, I ordered the CD "Trebuchet" by George Hrab. Hrab was pretty smart. He put the CD up on his "Geologic Podcast" for free, without track breaks. There's not much chance I would have bought the disc, but after hearing it on the podcast, I decided to buy it.

Anyway, I thought I'd share what is the greatest e-mail I've ever received from a commercial website.

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.
A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure it was in the best possible condition before mailing.
Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.
We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, August 10, 2010.
We hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. In commemoration, we have placed your picture on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Sigh...
We miss you already. We'll be right here at http://cdbaby.com/, patiently awaiting your return.

Awesome.

Anyway, check out the "Geologic Podcast." (It's not really about geology at all) Also check out "Trebuchet," which has some really good tunes on it.

I'll also take a moment to recomend the "Read It and Weep" podcast. It's a podcast about 3 guys who partake in the worst books, movies and TV and then rip the hell out of it. They made their bones on the "Twilight" series, but they do a good job on pretty much everything. It's really funny, even if you haven't read what they are critiquing.

On a side note, I started listen listening to "Read It and Weep" a few months ago. About 1 month ago, they started following me on Twitter, which was odd because I wasn't following them, nor had I contacted them in any way. Strange, this internet of ours.

Your Getting the House Ready leader.

Suaimhneas Síoraí

2010-07-19T17:59:00.003-05:00

I've dealt with a lot of crime victims. I've spoken with family members and friends of people who have been murdered. I've never been one of those people before. Unfortunately, things change.

Growing up, my family spent a week at Gull Lake near Brainard every summer. We usually spent that week with The Malickis. Kristy was my brother's age. Her brother Barry is my age. Denny and Mary were close friends of my parents. (That's the weird thing in the news stories. I didn't know his name was Clyde. He's always gone by Denny, his middle name, I'm told.)

A lot of my childhood memories are from up at Gull Lake. I remember little things. My parents and Denny and Mary playing cards at night, drinking Jungle Juice (Apparently a lemonade/vodka drink). Cruising around Gull Lake in the big blue speed-boat we called the "Blue Baby," but that Denny would never officially name, listening to the Statler Brothers on 8-track. Playing mini-golf. Taking the boat to Taco Tuesdays.

I can't imagine what Barry is going through. I can't imagine how I would feel if I lost my whole family.

Suaimhneas Síoraí is an Irish phrase that translates as "Eternal Peace." We often wish peace to the dead, but I'd like to wish peace to the living. Barry, Kathleen Dorgan and Kathleen McHugh and all of their family and friends who will be missing Denny, Mary and Kristy. Hopefully they will find a way through this tragedy.

I wish I could write something profound and interesting, but I can't. Please do what you do to help those who have lost loved ones.

*Update* This says it right.

Happy Independence Day!

2010-07-04T13:42:00.003-05:00

To Normal

2010-06-28T12:10:00.000-05:00

And we're back to not caring for another 4 years.

It's the Dream That We All Share!

2010-06-23T14:45:00.004-05:00

It was his idea.

NSFW!

If you don't follow Twitter, here's how the game went for me.

Pregame:
Am I the only one who thinks Landon Donovan looks like Michael Westin? about 6 hours ago via HootSuite

About 5 minutes in:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH phew! Too close. #USA #ALG #worldcup

After an Algeria shot off the crossbar.

About 25 minutes in:
#USA keeps having goals taken away. It's a lot harder to win that way.

After another absolute shit offisides call to nullify a goal.

About 35 minutes in:
Put it in the GOD DAMNED NET! #USA

That was after about 3 missed open-net opportunities.

Halftime came and went, and I found myself having to Re-Tweet myself:
COME ON! RT @DiscordianStooj: Put it in the GOD DAMNED NET! #USA

That was after another 3 really good scoring opportunities.

At around the 90 minute mark:
2nd yellow card for #USA on a "handball" that didn't happen to go with the 2 goals stolen from them.

And then, less than a minute later:
GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES! #USA 1:0 #ALG #worldcup

After 5 minutes to compose myself:
Ahem. ... Final result #USA 1:0 #ALG USA wins group C, joined by the Three Kitties #worldcup #eng

I'll probably never do the Tweet re-cap again.

Your Field of 16 leader.

What Will Be Revealed Today

2010-05-11T16:13:00.004-05:00

Ahem.

Oye! Oye!

Today I announce that the Affiliate is pregnant. That's right, if all goes well, I will be a father to a baby come December.

Finally, a Spin-off. (That's my nickname for the baby. Here only, 'cause we're calling it "Umberto" until we collapse the wave function and the sex is determined.)

As If In A Dream, The One And Only V

2010-04-25T17:19:00.006-05:00

Ugh. The DFL continues to show it doesn't want to win. I'm still waiting for the DFL to explain how a bill passed 125-9 was sucessfully vetoed. Sure, all the repubs ran away. Who were they? Why haven't they been asked over and over why they changed their votes? MAK has had trouble with the repubs when she had a clear majority. How will she handle them in a straight-up election? She's shown me nothing that says she can win, and plenty to say she can't.

It's hard to believe religious conservatives want to remove Thomas Jefferson from history books. It would make it easier for people like Sarah Palin to lie.

Prof. Stephen Hawking warns against communication with aliens. He's right about the odds of something being out there. Where he's wrong is saying not to explore because the aliens might be unfriendly and destroy us. (Also, he is just regurgitating the plot of "Independence Day" and the tv show "V." See what I did with my post title, now?)

We are humans. What we do is explore. There's always been a segment of society who said, "Don't cross that river, there are monsters on the other side." The maps with sea monters and "Here there be dragons" (Should I warn you of the horror of that link? Nah.) put on to discourage exploration. And there are always people who ignore it.

Prof. Hawking uses a Columbus analogy, saying we would be like the aboriginal Americans being invaded by the aliens. Possibly. Or we could be Columbus, finding a beautiful new world for humanity out among the stars. Maybe we could even do a better job of not virtually wiping out any inhabitants on that new world.

Either way, fear is a poor excuse not to explore.

Besides, if angry aliens do come to steal our water, we can use it against them with ... The Homeopathy Bomb! (Yay!)

Ask yourself, What Would Jesus Do? (NSFW) Or, clearly, don't, because you suck.

I've pretty much given up on the idea that I'll post Italy pictures. That involves work.

Your Boldly Go Where No One Has Gone Before leader.

Annual ZJD Post

2010-04-03T15:11:00.002-05:00

The Day has come again. Tomorrow is Zombie Jesus Day. It is becomming a tradition, but I'll just link to what you need to know to be ready.

Be afraid.

(Italy Pics coming soon, I hope.)

Alia Iacta

2010-03-18T12:53:00.004-05:00

I made a joke last week that Bigfoot is real, and clearly a ghost, which is why there is no evidence for him.

Someone is listening in on my conversations.

Off to Venezia tomorrow, then Rome and Neopolis. It'll be nice to be out of touch for a week. (Not really. Our hotel in Rome has free Wi-Fi. Oh well.)

Your I Believe Carthage Should Be Destroyed leader.

Now Put Your Hands Up!

2010-03-01T14:58:00.004-06:00

The Olympics are over! I'm finally free!

Does anyone know where I can watch a random cross-country skiing race?

The biggest hoax of the 20th Century is finally debunked. Proof that the Titanic never sank. One point:

The bottom of the sea is a messy place. Whales die there and their skeletons become home for all sorts of stuff. Have you seen a whale? They’re huge, especially the huge ones. Imagine one of those possibly killed by one of those stealth CO₂ emitting volcanoes that no-one’s found yet. Yet amongst all this there’s supposed to be a ’shipwreck’. Against the vast majesty of nature, isn’t a tiny bit arrogant to assume that man could do anything noticeable on the sea-bed?

Let's find the purveyors of this nonsense and make sure they're brought to justice.

A dating tip for women, courtesy of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. It is 100% true.

Use it wisely.

Your "London 2012, Here We Come" leader.

How Many People Wanna Kick Some Ass?

2010-02-19T03:57:00.002-06:00

(Videos Not Safe For Work)

Dear Bruce,

Your new nickname is "Epic Beard Man."

Dear Everyone,

Don't fuck with Epic Beard Man.

That is all.

What A Horrible Night To Have A Curse

2010-01-25T14:59:00.002-06:00

Ugh.

The Saints won the same way they did much of the year; Lucky bounces, bad officiating and opponents' mistakes. Who wins by only three with a +4 takeaway ratio?

So, anyway, I'm starting to believe the Vikings are cursed, and I'll never see them in a Super Bowl. So be it!

Well, there's always next year. Are there any aging quarterbacks available to sign?

Your Always Next Year leader.

That's Not My Name

2010-01-23T22:21:00.006-06:00

Oh ... Hell ... Yeah!

I love that President Bartlet is narrating. Only excitement over the Vikings game is keeping me from salivating too much over the game. If they lose, Monday is going to suck.

Oh, and if you're the person in my local Netflix area who is watching Babylon 5; What do you think of the series? I'm finding it to be better than even "Battlestar Galactica." Also, I'm one disc behind you, and I'm watching each disc in pretty much one day, so if you could make sure you speed up your watching habits a bit, that would be great. Thanks in advance.

Worst doctor visit ever. In a related note, I know a guy who will sell you a $100,000 meteorite life insurance policy for $1 a month. Just think about it.

And how could I almost let the day end without realizing it's National Pie Day. Olivia Munn must be ecstatic.

Your "Who Dat Who Gon' Beat Dem Saints? We Dat Who Gon' Beat Dem Saints!" leader.

The Rumor Of My Demise ...

2010-01-20T18:54:00.006-06:00

I've been quite uninspired to write as of late, but, you know, Vikings, NFC Championship, blah, blah, blah ...

I always ... I always ... I always love that one!

Now, I'm not one to pray. However, I am one to cheer for the Vikings and be heretical. So, by a narrow 2-1 margin, I bring you this:

Our Favre-ther who art in Mississippi, hallowed be thy name. Thy bowl will come, it will be won, in Miami as it is in the Dome. Give us this Sunday, our weekly win. Give us touchdown passes, but do not let others pass against us. Lead us not into frustration, but deliver us to the Super Bowl. For thine is, the MVP, the best of the NFC, and the glory of the Purple People Eaters now and forever. - Author Unknown (to me, anyway)

This is how it should be. My grandpa was a bus driver, so I get angry when they are threatened or accosted. Criminals think people will sit by and let them be assholes. Let's keep letting them know we're willing to fight to keep a civil society.

Cecil gets one wrong. To be fair, this article is from 1980, and technology has vastly improved since then. To save money (and energy), you should always turn the lights off when they are not needed.

Your We Still Hate the Push-off leader.

And Never Brought To Mind

2009-12-31T14:37:00.003-06:00

Good year everyone!

All right, let's get some sleep and do it again tomorrow!

Merry X-Mas!

2009-12-24T00:58:00.001-06:00

Yes, I'm alive. And enjoying the snowfall in the MSP Metro area. White Christmas, indeed.

The best X-Mas song ever.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Men Who Mean Just What They Say

2009-11-11T14:04:00.005-06:00

Please hug a veteran today. Or buy them a beer. Yeah, buy them a beer instead.

Marty Beckerman scores again. The funny thing is, I've been reading his work for 10 years or so, and I never considered him a rabid right-winger. Sure, he was appearing on Fox News, but his writing always has held an undercurrent of obscene libertarianism, in the "I want to keep my money, but I want to spend it on drugs and hookers" sense of the word. His description of himself doesn't match what I've ever gotten from him, but I'm glad he's able to see how a person can change.

Sign him now!

Sean Hannity is a Twit.

Again, please let our veterans know they are appreciated. They keep us safe and give us the ability to enjoy things like the Vikings being 7-1 and running away with the NFC North division.

Your Fearless Men leader.

True, Nervous. Very, Very Dreadfully Nervous I Had Been And Am. But Why Will You Say That I Am Mad?

2009-10-31T13:20:00.005-05:00

Hi. Happy Halloween! I hope you are scared but safe tonight. But if you think you might be a zombie, Savage Chickens has a quick test for you to take.

Here are some words to help you get in the mood of the evening.

The effect was that of a Cyclopian city of no architecture known to man or human imagination, with vast aggregations of night-black masonry embodying monstrous perversions of geometrical laws and attaining the most grotesque extremes of sinister bizarrerie. - H.P. Lovecraft

The fair girl went on her knees and bent over me, fairly gloating. There was a deliberate voluptuousness which was both thrilling and repulsive, and as she arched her neck she actually licked her lips like an animal... I could feel the soft, shivering touch of the lips on the supersensitive skin of my throat, and the hard dents of two sharp teeth, just touching and pausing there. - Jonathan Harker

I find evidences of its presence every day. I watched again all last night in the same cover, gun in hand, double-charged with buckshot. In the morning the fresh footprints were there, as before. Yet I would have sworn that I did not sleep — indeed, I hardly sleep at all. It is terrible, insupportable! If these amazing experiences are real I shall go mad; if they are fanciful I am mad already.- Ambrose Bierce

Something came; again, that's all I can say for sure. It may have been the fact that the mist only allowed us to glimpse things briefly, but I think it just as likely that there are certain things the brain disallows. There are things of such darkness and horror - just as, I suppose, there are things of great beauty - that they will not fit through the puny human doors of perception. - Stephen King

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted - nevermore!

Your Hiding In The Shadows bleed-er.

It's Been A Long Time

2009-10-23T14:58:00.003-05:00

One whole month without posting.

That is all.

Your Where Am I? leader.

Form A Line To The Throne (Vikings 2-0)

2009-09-23T18:06:00.006-05:00

I say play the playoff (if necessary) at Target Field. I also say the Twins should make it unnecessary.

Not much to mention from the Vikings game. It's weird to think that 92 yards rushing and a touchdown is disappointing, though.

(Closed Circuit to the Baseball Writers Association: Mauer for MVP!)

Can one of my lawyer readers answer this question: If you settle a lawsuit, and part of the settlement is that the defendant doesn't admit guilt, and the plaintiff's attorney then comes right out and says, "$200,000 sounds like an admission of misconduct to me," should the plaintiff's attorney forfeit all of his fee and be disbarred for breaking the agreement?

Maybe it's just me, but I think knowingly exposing someone to a deadly disease should be more than a misdemeanor.

A Florida man was arrested after killing his family. He said he wanted to kill himself, but that he wouldn't get into heaven if he committed suicide. Murdering 6 people doesn't bar you from heaven, but killing yourself afterward does? He also claims an evil spirit made him kill his family. I'm pretty sure that's a valid defense in Florida.

Muammar Qadaffi calls U.N. Security Council "Terrorism Council." Oddly, he then asked for a permanent seat for Libya.

Happy Birthday, Boss!

Your Looking For Overexposure leader.

It's Spanish For "The Vegas"

2009-09-16T11:11:00.003-05:00

Kanye, even the president thinks you're a jackass. That's why these are funny.

Eddie Izzard for MP! (I'm guessing he'd join a long line of cross-dressing English politicians.)

And now I'm off to the City of Lights, Las Vegas.

(I'm being told that the City of Lights is Paris. I've been to Paris and Las Vegas. Las Vegas has way more lights. It also has Paris.) Can I be DK at a Pai Gow table by 6 o'clock? All signs point to "yes."

Your Double Down leader.

It Came Out Magical (Vikings 1-0)

2009-09-14T03:02:00.003-05:00

So it took a Vikings game to pull me out from my not intentional blogging hiatus.

And what a game it was. Sure, the 1st half was a little sloppy, but Adrian Peterson will not be denied. I like what I'm seeing from the Vikes, and am looking forward to what they will do next week against the Lions. Speaking of whom, has any team gone 0-16 two seasons in a row?

Why haven't I been blogging? Well, I worked 14 out of 15 days in a row, most of it at the State Fair. The Fair is always a good time, though the Kid Rock concert brought out some rowdy folk.

Also, The Affiliate has been lonly without The Hillock, so we adopted 2 kittens.

That's Aristotle on the left and Joules on the right. We'll be bringing them home after our trip to Las Vegas.

A trip to celebrate my 30th birthday on Thursday.

OK, time to watch the season finale of "True Blood."

Your Really I'm Just Lazy leader.

I've Got Cat Class And I've Got Cat Style

2009-08-19T03:43:00.004-05:00

So I'm sitting here as the fastest thunderstorm in history blows over, plotting out my spot on the Super Bowl parade route and missing The Hillock trying to steal my string cheese, and I come across a titter post from Marty Beckerman. It links to this story by Prof. Alan Dershowitz where SCJ Scalia makes the case that innocence is no reason not to execute somebody.

“This court has never held that the Constitution forbids the execution of a convicted defendant who has had a full and fair trial but is later able to convince a habeas court that he is ‘actually’ innocent. Quite to the contrary, we have repeatedly left that question unresolved, while expressing considerable doubt that any claim based on alleged ‘actual innocence’ is constitutionally cognizable.”

Dershowitz has good point:

Let us be clear precisely what this means. If a defendant were convicted, after a constitutionally unflawed trial, of murdering his wife, and then came to the Supreme Court with his very much alive wife at his side, and sought a new trial based on newly discovered evidence (namely that his wife was alive), these two justices would tell him, in effect: “Look, your wife may be alive as a matter of fact, but as a matter of constitutional law, she’s dead, and as for you, Mr. Innocent Defendant, you’re dead, too, since there is no constitutional right not to be executed merely because you’re innocent.”

Dershowitz also wonders how this affects Scalia's Catholicism. I'm waiting for Bill Donahue to call for Scalia being denied communion, although I'm not putting any money on it.

I'm more worried that a Supreme Court Justice thinks it's perfectly OK to execute innocent people under our Constition. Maybe, just maybe, that might be unreasonable seizure.

Of course, if that guy's wife was not alive, but had in fact come back as a zombie, then all bets are off. Of course, that study just tells us the obvious. That zombies must be wiped out immediately. I wish they'd paid me a bunch of cash to say that.

Your Cat Missing leader.

R.I.P. Vladamir (1994-2009)

2009-08-17T14:52:00.004-05:00

Vladamir (Formerly known as "The Mountain That Walks;" aka "The Hillock") passed away this afternoon. Some pictures to remember him by:

He'd hate that I put this picture up.

Yes, cats can eat crab.

Of course, he's escaped from the horror that is Santa Cthulu.

Vladamir hated other animals, but he loved his people. And we loved him. May he now have all of the Skittles and Potato Chips he can eat.

Good night, sweet kitty.

No Pill's Gonna Cure My Ill

2009-08-08T00:19:00.005-05:00

I've had a cold for the past four days. It sucks. I'm high on cold meds and 3 glasses of scotch right now. Please forgive me.

Grammar and spelling are always important. This video demonstrates just how important they are. (Not Work Safe)

(via Millard Fillmore's Bathtub)

Of course, our insurance system has been a big discussion topic. I say insurance, not health care, because we're not talking about health care. We're talking about how to pay for health care.

Here's my question. If the government plan is going to be so awful, why is anyone worried about it taking over? If the public plan will be rationed and awful coverage, won't people stick with a private insurance company for a little more cash?

I've heard that 70-80% of people like their insurance plan. Of course they do, compared to the alternative. I have a plan that cost me little, and my VEBA plan more than covers my yearly deductible, not to mention that it carries over year to year. I have a good plan. I'd bet that given the choice between many private plans and what I have, people would take my plan. People are happy because they see what they're paying versus what it costs to get insurance without an employer chipping in, and anything is better than that.

And please get off of the "insuring lazy people" bullshit. When I was working full time as a security guard, I couldn't go to a doctor. The insurance I was offered was little more than catastrophic coverage. That was fine for me, a young, healthy single guy with no kids. At the pay we were getting, the cost for decent health coverage was astronomical. And that was for full time work.

A co-worker argued that the tax raises from the public plan would destroy retired people on a fixed income. Apparently he's never heard of premium increases, nor does he know how much an insurance plan without employer contributions actually costs for a 55-65 year old. My retired parents pay $400/month for their insurance, which is stellar. Well, that's their amount. My dad was a member of an evil union for his whole career, so he only pays 25% of the total. If you think $1600/month is in any regular retired person's budget, you're either rich or stupid.

And then there's the rationing argument. Leave aside the fact that health insurance companies do a perfectly fine job of rationing health care, care is also being rationed by price, as in the poor can't afford good health care. I'd also argue that giving everyone access doesn't mean that everyone will pound down the doors (except perhaps at the beginning, when people can finally afford to see a doctor for the first time. That will pass.). I've been sick for the last week. I didn't go to a doctor. Why do you think everyone else will?

And if you don't want the government getting between doctors and patients, you had better frackin' not be against medical marijuana. I'm looking at you, Governor Pawlenty.

I agree that our representatives in Congress should be willing to apply to the public option. That's the only way to know it's a great plan. But even if they don't, the wait for an MRI will be a lot shorter on the public plan than it will be for someone with no insurance at all. I suppose it's easy to argue against public insurance when you have a good job that provides a decent insurance plan. Or, lords forbid, are in a union.

Speaking of which ... Here's what the "conservative" movement thinks of union members, many of whom vote republican. How dare they expect a decent wage for their day's work? How dare they expect to be treated fairly? Why, if you're in a union, you are nothing but a lazy thug. Vote Republican!

Your *cough* *cough* *arrrack* leader.

The Moth Don't Care If The Flame Is Real

2009-08-01T03:30:00.004-05:00

Videos abound!

So, the President had Officer Crowley and Professor Gates over for beers, and all went well. Things could have been a lot worse. Or better.

I bought my Palm Pre despite the awful commercials.

Little did I know the depths of the evil I was getting into.

G4, as usual, came to the rescue. Things may not have worked out quite as planned.

Video Games - E3 2009 - Attack of the Show

And finally, to lighten the mood, a writing exercise brought to life. This is, indeed, a fast brown vulpine hopping over a slothful canine. Or something like that. (via Jeff)

Your Covering For Having No Content leader.

Disappointed Man, Where've You Been?

2009-07-28T16:57:00.004-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen ... we don't got him. I don't worry. They've got T-Ja ... Sage Rosenf ... John David Boo ... OK, they're screwed. At least they signed Antoine Winfield. Had the Vikings not signed him, he might have signed with Green Bay, Chicago or Det ... He might have signed with the Packers or the Bears.

Crack is whack.

Best Headline Ever: Snakes Escape From Man's Pants, Cause SUV To Crash

You're welcome.

Your QB Controversy leader.

As I Was Walking Down The Street One Day

2009-07-25T02:43:00.003-05:00

I'd like to take a moment to thank Jeff for completely destroying my evening by linking to (DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK) TV Tropes. I must tell you in no uncertain terms that clicking that link will destroy anything else you were planning to do today, and possibly the rest of the month. DO NOT CLICK the link unless you have 40-50 free hours to devote to reading about cliche and plot elements.

Jeff, I hope your next check to pay for your website gets so lost in the mail that you are never allowed to post your life-sucking linkage ever again.

(Sure, I could blame xkcd, but I'm pretty sure Randall Monroe could have me killed. Not that he ever would, but still.)

Your Out Of Time leader.

I'm Just A Soul Whose Intentions Are Good

2009-07-22T23:43:00.005-05:00

I wasn't expecting a torrential downpour as I walked out of the club after working out tonight. (I'm down 15 lbs., by the way.) I guess it's a good thing. Although I saw several sprinklers working hard to water the grass while the rain poured. I'm not irked that much by sprinklers running in the rain. The water is being replenished at the same time. Now, sprinklers that somehow end up aimed directly into the street bug the hell out of me.

Centrum Silver has a new ad campaign for it's Men's vitamins. They are just a little sexist. I'm not talking women in tight clothing and sexist poses. The commercials are pointing out that the viamins are for "just for men." The two ads I've seen also suggest the following things are "just for men:" Golf, television, watches and steak or possibly hamburgers (that one was on the radio). Putting aside the fact that studies show multi-vitaimins don't work, and might actually be bad for you, can we stop pretending these are things that are only liked by men? I hate golf, my wife loves steak more than I do, and TV just a little less, and, the Chicago song notwithstanding, I'm pretty sure everyone likes to know what time it is.

There's a TV show suggestion I've been meaning to make. "Better Off Ted," on ABC. Despite the stupid name, it's a pretty funny show. Jay Harrington charismatically plays Ted, a good guy who is head of R&D at the cartoonishly evil company Veridian Dynamics. (Click the link. It's indicitive of the humor in the show.) His boss, played wonderfully by Portia de Rossi, is a strong businesswoman with no empathy or ability to interact with other people on a personal level. There are plenty of quirky characters, like the research scientists who seem to venerate Ted. The products created also lead to plenty of humor (A hair replacement product ends up making a desk grow hair). The company's poor treatment of the employees is also often played for laughs, although we're not talking Dilbert here. We're talking freezing people in cryogenic chambers.

The humor is similar to "Scrubs" without the fantasy sequences. There are only a few episodes left this summer, but it's worth checking out.

Of course, if you like vampires, "True Blood" is a superior product to "Twilight," and also on HBO, "Hung" looks pretty promising so far. And of course, "The State" is out on DVD in case you forgot to go buy it.

Finally, I watched the movie "Waiting ..." tonight. It was fine, but it gets extra points for having a character point at Dane Cook and call him the worst person ever.

Your Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood leader.

Click to Enlarge

2009-07-20T15:26:00.005-05:00

And Sitting In The Chair Is You

2009-07-18T01:38:00.005-05:00

Walter Cronkite, R.I.P. He was well before my time, but I've seen enough old news footage for him to be stamped in my memory.

Wisconsin is a crazy state. I'm guessing Cronkite never had to announce that someone crashed the Weinermobile into a house.

So that happened.

Even thieves think it's a good idea for you to lock your car. Something is wrong in that story, though. If his music taste was so good, why leave the CDs behind?

If you're an uggo, stay out of Chicago.

That's enough midwestern weirdness for today.

As you may have seen to the right, I got a Palm Pre. As of today, I'm loving it. As I learn more things I can do with it, I assume I'll love it more. There's no special Blogger ap yet, but I'm hoping.

On the down side of technology, my car adapter for my iPod broke. It wasn't perfect, but I was able to listen to my iPod in the car pretty much everywhere. My new adapter, on the other hand, seems to only work regularly outside of the metro area. It makes no sense. The new one is the same brand as the old one. Isn't technology supposed to improve over time? I'd think that in two years the transmission would improve, not diminish. I'm not happy with Griffin.

Have a good weekend. Hopefully the weather feels more like July, instead of October.

Your "And That's The Way It Is" leader.

She's My Final Fantasy

2009-07-13T14:03:00.006-05:00

A long overdue ode to female gamers who work at game stores.

Video Games - E3 2009 - Attack of the Show

Thank you Parry. Olivia and Kevin, you rock! AOTS forever, bitches!

The Scene At the Graveyard, Just Three Of Us Were There

2009-07-05T14:54:00.005-05:00

If you don't recognize sex screams, U R doin' it wrong. At least the headline didn't say they "beat the man off."

And now, sad news.

We hardly knew ye.

(Pic via Hardwick, whom you should follow on Twitter and watch on G4)

Of course, an unsuccessful run for president can be stressful, and Bacon's already clogged arteries just couldn't handle the pressure.

We'll always remember you, Bacon. Why not bacon up this website just one last time.

Your Maple Smoked leader.

What So Proudly We Hail

2009-07-04T03:56:00.003-05:00

Happy Independence Day!

Everyone enjoy your fireworks and hot dogs and samboussa. Please remember to say thanks to the people out there keeping you safe.

Of course, Sarah Palin has a load off of her shoulders this 4th of July. There are those who think she is gearing up for a presidential run. For her sake, I hope she's not. I mean, she's quitting in the middle of her term. If she were to be elected President, what's to say she wouldn't quit in 2014 to run for Prime Minister of the Innermost Planets Alliance (which will exist by then)?

My guess is she'll write a best-seller and fade into the private sector.

As for fireworks, just don't do this:

Fireworks and a guy getting hit in the crotch. How can you not love America?

Your Rockets' Red Glare leader.

Quick Note

2009-06-28T13:29:00.002-05:00

A brief history, and present, of a game.

It's time for the U.S to get back at Brazil. (Yeah, right.)

*Update* The U.S played extremely well, but were unable to hold off Brazil. 3-2 final, but far better than I thought it would be. Looking forward to 2010!

#4

2009-06-21T19:58:00.001-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen ... Brett Favre ... we got 'im!

That is all.

Your Interceptions leader.

Oh, Shit, There's A Bear! Could You Hand Me That Shotgun, Buddy?

2009-06-20T00:49:00.011-05:00

Yet another reason not to go to Ohio. It's crawling with bears. Or, at least, cardboard bear cutouts.

The Affiliate brought home a treat for dinner. Steak and crab legs on the grill make for a good meal. Now, as far as I can find, cats don't eat crab in the wild. You can't tell The Hillock that, though.

To be fair, cats don't eat Skittles in the wild either.

Who do you pray to when your saint is missing? Maybe they can call up a saint from Triple A until Anthony shows up.

Any movie about killing zombies is fine by me. If it has humor, that's even better. "Zombieland" looks to have plenty of both.

Your Put Down the Dead For Good leader.

Because I Have A Little Crush On Alison Haislip

2009-06-20T00:16:00.004-05:00

As someone who doesn't love the "Twilight" series, this is pretty funny.

(She's the blond in the BC sweatshirt.)

Think They'll Know Where This Boy's Got To Go

2009-06-15T22:29:00.006-05:00

Chicago was a smashing success. Well, except for being booked in two hotels over two nights and staying in neither of them. In fact, one hotel, The Inn of Chicago (Motto: We Don't Need, Nor Do We Want, Your Business), was overbooked on Saturday night. The Hotel Yorba this place was not. Maybe overbooking is common for hotels, but if so, you really need to be able to put your customers somewhere nearby.

(Do Not Attempt To Stay At This Hotel)

Again, it was Saturday night. We were a group of 12 with 4 rooms booked. It was 4:00 pm and we'd been drinking since 10 am. The first hour we sat and waited, we were assured we'd be getting a room at a nearby downtown hotel. After another hour we were told we'd have to stay near the airport. Which was not what 12 drunk people who were working on about 3 1/2 hours of sleep with 2 vehicles holding all of our gear a block away wanted to hear.

We ended up staying at the Hotel Sofitel near the airport. But not before 4 hours had passed and we got the Inn of Chicago (Motto: We're Poorly Run, Yet Surprisingly Expensive) to pay for our cabs to the new hotel and got our rooms paid for. We also drank much of the booze at the hotel bar on their dime, which was nice. But we were robbed of a fun night in downtown Chicago by the aggrevation. I wasn't involved in the booking, but I'm assured that those who were will not let this bullshit go.

On the other hand, the Twins won on Saturday. Wrigley Field is a wonderful place to watch baseball, and I recommend it no matter the Cubs' opponent. Our upper deck seats near the right field foul pole were still pretty good.
Kubel hit a home run literally out of the park right past us. It landed on the street outside of right field. Some kind passerby threw the ball back into the park, which I thought was quite nice.

That's a shot of Nick Punto on 1st Base. I figured it may be the last time I ever see it happen, so I took a picture. Actually, it was funny because my Brother ripped on Punto through the first 2 innings, and some Twins fans in front of us defended Punto. Punto then ripped a nice single, and didn't even slide headfirst. My Brother was crushed.

Anyway, some things I learned on my trip:
-Booking a hotel room is only a suggestion
-When the hotel gives you free drinks, it's time to go top shelf
-Chicago deep dish is highly overrated
-Cubs fans and Twins fans can both agree that the White Sox suck
-This is the coolest bar name ever

So, despite the hotel problems, we had a good time. I'm just pissed on principle. And I must say, I do love Chicago's train system.

Your Blue Line leader.

Sweet Zombie Jesus!

2009-06-10T14:10:00.003-05:00

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Futurama" is coming back. (via Hardwick)

This news is so great, I'm not going to make my obligatory joke about the impending change to DTV.

Your Kiss My Shiny Metal Ass leader.

I'm Through Humoring You

2009-06-08T23:16:00.007-05:00

I'm watching the Twins attempt to beat Oakland as I type this, so there may be interruptions.

In Monty Pythonesque fashion, Minnesota has gone from winter, to a short spring then straight into autumn. I'm enjoying the cool temps, but a little summer would be nice come July at the folks' place.

They found the tail section of Flight 447. The story I linked doesn't say it, but a radio report said they are close to finding the "black boxes." The term black box is, of course, not literal. There is more than one flight recorder. Also, they aren't necessarily black. "Black box" is a catch all term, and really shouldn't be plural. It's either "flight recorders" or "black box." Of course, aviation professionals are more than welcome to call me an idiot on this.

It's been an expensive week for me. The Affiliate and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary by eating way too much steak at Manny's steak house. We got a free piece of Bailey's Irish Cream cake because we were celebrating, which was cool because we had Irish Cream cake at the wedding. When I say piece of cake, I'm not really capturing the size of the "piece" we got.

I'll also give praise to our server, Rhett. He was entertaining and assured the Affiliate that Lois the Lobster, who was brought to our table, would not be served as dinner that evening.

I also had to pick up the Affiliate's birthday present, since that's at the end of the month. I need to donate to her 3-Day Walk as well. And I'm headed to Chicago Friday to catch a couple of games at Wrigley Field.

Mauer gets a single to left! Rally time! Come on, Morneausie!

Here's a commercial with another guy I know in the entertainment business. He's covered in snakes! His name is Alex Holmes, and apparently he's going to be on something called "iCarly" on Saturday, if you're interested.

Not that TV appearances are that helpful. There was a storyline on "Scrubs" this last year involving Ted getting a girlfriend, played by Kate Miccuci. The two sang a song that I thought was very cute. I also had heard of "Garfunkel & Oates," a name that I found amusing. I had never seen any videos from them, though. Of course, it wasn't until today I learned that Miccuci is part of G&O, and the song in "Scrubs" was a modified version of their song, "Fuck You." (Video not safe for work, and if you didn't figure that out you need to quit using the internet right now.)

Double play. No rally.

Conservatives are easily grossed out. Not that most people like maggots. Well, entomologists, maybe.

Twins lose. Again.

Your Busy leader.

No More Building Up; It Is Time To Dissolve

2009-05-27T17:37:00.005-05:00

The California Supreme Court upheld "Proposition 8," a constitutional amendment defining marriage as between one man and one woman. While I whole-heartedly support gay marriage, the decision was legally correct. Opponents were in the undesirable position of arguing that the Constitution was itself unconstitutional. I'd imagine that the 18,000 or so marriages that were not annulled ex post facto, along with the increasing gay mariages in more progressive states like (wait, seriously?) Iowa, will show reasonable people that there's nothing to fear from gay marriage. Unreasonable folks, of course, will never be persuaded, because they're nuts.

Another city that didn't make the Top 10 Places To Live is Cleveland. The city has released a video to prove they deserve to be on the list. (NSFW)

There's a second video attempt as well.

In a shocking twist, Joe Soucheray doesn't like Twitter. Bet you didn't see that one coming.

If you're bringing your 12 year-old son drinking with you so he can drive you home, you might want to take a look at your drinking.

ZOO!!!

Your Girebra leader.

Memorial Day 2009

2009-05-25T13:57:00.000-05:00

Thank you to all of our armed service members, past and present.

It's The Time Of The Season For Loving

2009-05-22T03:32:00.004-05:00

I've pulled the glass sliver from my foot, and I'm ready to go. (Actually, a co-worker pulled it out, for which I'm very greatful.) Things could always be worse. Please be very careful riding your bikes, and for Hastur's sake quit riding the wrong way down the street!

Everyone's talking about Boston PD using Twitter to tell people if there's a zombie invasion. I don't buy it. There's no need to create panic just because one cop got bitten by a zombie. In fact, it would be irresponsible to tell people about an isolated zombie attack, as it would cause a huge panic. ~~Plus, Beth Israel in Boston has the antidote.~~ I'm told I'm not supposed to talk about ~~the antidote~~ nothing at all. (Thanks to MnObserver for the link)

Anyway, Boston zombies would include some of the great minds of American history, so I wish the Boston PD luck.

I'm not sure what this video is supposed to mean, but the answer is, "Yes, I do like boobs a lot."

He's sorry he said it, but I'm sure he meant it. Metaphorically, of course. Politicians and cops are natural enemies forced to work together, like peanut butter and jelly.

The Twins don't seem to get the concept of the 9 inning game. You only need one more run that the other team. You can't carry over the other 18 runs into any other games. On the other hand, let Joe Mauer keep doing what he's doing.

And though I'm sure they don't need it from me, a quick link to The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe, a fabulous podcast about science.

Your New Windows leader.

Ich Wär So Gerne Millionär

2009-05-15T20:23:00.005-05:00

Do you speak German? You could live in 7 of the Top 10 Best Places to Live. Here's the list:

1. Vienna
2. Zürich
3. Geneva
4. (tie) Vancouver, Canada
4. (tie) Auckland, New Zealand
6. Düsseldorf, Germany
7. Munich
8. Frankfurt
9. Bern, Switzerland
10. Sydney

Honolulu is the top rated U.S. city, at number 29.

Obviously cost of living isn't a big part of the rankings.

Of course, if I could get paid to lay in bed and drink coffee, maybe I'd be able to afford it.

And here's the reason Cincinatti wasn't in the top 10. Apparently city officials think a mannequin outside a BBQ join was just a little too sexy. Yes, the owners were forced to dress a hunk of plastic more conservatively. God bless America!

Your Blue Danube leader.

Bitter Green, They Called Her (Top 11 Edition)

2009-05-13T14:47:00.005-05:00

Damn you, Gordon Lightfoot. Your infectious folk stylings have taken over my brain and I can think of no one else's music when it comes to post titles.

Maturity in action. Yes, the Republican National Committee might decide to start refering to the Democratic Party as the "Democrat Socialist Party." Neener, neener, indeed.

I coming off a court win today, so I'm feeling a bit whimsical. So in the tradition of many, including these folks, I present:

The Top 11 Other Insulting Names the RNC Could Call The Democratic Party

11) The Democra Party
10) The Party of "Scrubs" - Starring Zach Braff, Donald Faison, Sarah Chalke and John C. McGinley
9) Poopyheads and Communists Party
8) The Permanent Majority Party
7) Nazi Party II
6) French
5) The Spicy Mustard Party
4) The Elite Party
3) The Intellectual Party
2) The OMG UR SO GHEY!!!!!!!!1111!111! Party

And the most insulting thing the RNC could call democrats:

1) The Republican Party

Eh, that's not so hard.

The RNC should be cautious. They may inadvertently give the actual Democratic Socialist Party majority status.

Your Guilty Plea leader.

I'm Stuck Here On The Ground, As Cold And Drunk As I Can Be

2009-05-05T03:16:00.009-05:00

Today's post title was inspired by this and the fact that it's 4 AM and pouring outside.

You might have noticed my Twitter feed in the right column. If you've been reading it (and seriously, why?), you might have seen mention of "Ice Tea Guy." Let me explain. No, there is too much; let me sum up. Um, never mind, I'll explain the whole thing.

The other day, I showed The Affiliate this picture:

She looked confused. She didn't get it. I said, "Who's the guy in the picture?" She said, "That's the Iced Tea Guy, right?"

That is, of course, The Kool-Aid Man.

She then tried to backpedal. "I mean the Hi-C Guy." Still, wrong, of course, but at least she was guessing something name-brand. She finally figured it out. Give her some credit. She just got her MBA, and is allowed to not know things as useless as this.

I finally got to the point as to why this picture is, indeed, win. Kool-Aid Man is well known for breaking through walls and yelling, "OH, YEAH!". Someone found an actual broken wall and had the presence of mind to put up this picture and photograph it. Whomever you are, I salute you!

Anyway, I've decided that Iced Tea Guy would not break through walls. Instead, he would come calmly through the door, and yell his catchphrase, "INDEED!" And that's Iced Tea Guy.

So that's some time you won't get back. Time lost. And every second lost brings us all closer to the coming zombie apocalypse. (You just got segued!)

The Chicago Tribune seems to be taking it lightly. (Link via a Norwegian) If you want serious coverage, stick with me. Or with these guys. Unfortunately, the Zombie Attack Preparedness Team shares it's initials with Zombies Are People Too (No link, because they're not). The good Z.A.P.T. (that's the zombie fighting one) was featured on an interesting G4 TV show and looked like they really had the goods. And guns.

Oh, I almost forgot. Iced Tea Guy has a sidekick named Lemonade Dude.

A legitimate update to a story that baffled and amused me while back. They caught the gorilla head bandits! Once again, idiots were brought down by the massive secret police operation that is YouTube.

Did I say massive secret police organization? I meant colossal clandestine constabulary cabal. (I didn't originally mean for that to be alliterative; it just happened.) (Also, that four word phrase has never appeared on the internet before today.)

Your Early Morning Rain leader.

We Couldn't Get Much Higher

2009-05-02T04:22:00.002-05:00

There are things in this world I wish I had written. Poe's The Telltale Heart, Stephen King's Survivor Type. The entire run of "Sports Night" and Ike Reilly's first 2 albums come to mind. I'll add this to the list.

May Day was an interesting day for this story to come out. I just can't figure out how the NLRB doesn't come to this conclusion more often.

The Baby Jesus is back! (That's a Joe Mauer reference, in case you thought I'd gone mad.)

Good day to you all!

Your "Joey Cupcake" Is Also An Acceptable Nickname leader.

Congratulations!

2009-05-01T01:21:00.004-05:00

WAY TO GO DANIELLE!!!!!!!!!!

I love you and am very proud of you.

This is a cat video just for you.

I IZ A SNAKE!

Now It's Time To Say What I Forgot To Say

2009-04-30T15:30:00.005-05:00

Worried you might have swine flu? Click here to find out. (via The Affiliate)

And they've found Patient Zero. (via Norwegianity)

MN Senate approves medical marijuana. This is a good thing. Of course, Gov. Pawlenty (R) will veto this. Note the "R." The party that is so afraid of the government getting involved in medical decisions vis-a-vis single-payer health care has no problem telling doctors what they can and can't prescribe right now.

Girl beats back muggers with baton. Hey, Flash, is this normal marching band training?

Cecil answers the hard hitting questions of our time, like, "Are women's breasts getting bigger?"

Your I Certainly Hope So leader.

You Don't Have To Pray To A Little Tin God

2009-04-29T16:22:00.007-05:00

God can't protect you from swine flu. This one's new. Apparently if you're sick, the RC Church doesn't want you coming around. Probably because you're a sinner and will infect the righteous. If you really believed, you wouldn't get sick, right?

At least Obama was able to start the flu to get his HHS Secretary confirmed. Why hasn't Michele Bachmann picked this up yet?

Because she's busy making a link (but not really) between the Obama swine flu and the ~~Jimmy Carter~~ Gerald Ford swine flu. (Oops.) And a link between pedophiles and gays. And changing the general make-up of Earth's atmosphere.

Michele Bachmann is a standard-bearer for the conservative movement. Still.

Here's someone making the north metro proud. (UPDATE: Link fixed) This is a favorite label of mine "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. Fridley isn't in Bachmann's district, by the way.

IBM has apparently never heard of Skynet. A robot loaded with all human knowledge would be inherently dangerous. Add some lasers and a chain saw and we're all doomed.

Your "This Post For External Use Only" leader.

Drummer Wanted, Call ...

2009-04-26T00:32:00.002-05:00

I just finished a solid Rock Band party, and I've been drinking heavily. I will say I dominated "Electric Version" by The New Pornographers on drums, and "Time We Had" by The Mother Hips on vocals, on which I earned Gold Stars. Anyway, to the point of the post.

There's a band called Goldfinger. They were a top-notch ska-punk band back in the 90's, came out with a few more rock than ska albums, then suddenly went downhill about the time the lead singer went vegetarian. Anyway, their debut album included on of the band members making a prank phone call in response to an ad in the local newspaper. It went a little something like this ...

Your "Dude ... Fuck That!" leader

Which One Will You Skate Away On?

2009-04-17T14:42:00.004-05:00

Spring is here!

I checked my paycheck today, and clearly the Tea Parties worked. I couldn't find that massive Obama tax increase anywhere.

If you're having a bad day, this site will make you feel better. There's nothing like reading about the misfortune of others. Schadenfreude, you say? Man, those Germans have a word for everything. (c. Homer Simpson.)

If you're looking for the funny, look no further than Teknikal Diffikulties. Spelling aside, this is simply exquisite. Cayenne Chris Conroy manages to put together weekly old-time radio style comedy shows by himself. He writes, performs and produces the whole thing. His is a dry wit, and nerdy as hell, but it's funny. Go back and check out "The Account," a serial show about a journey through what he calls "The Waking World," a world where the familiar is mixed in with the fantastic. I'm still slogging through the extensive archives, and loving every minute of it. Hell, even the guy's updates are entertaining.

Michigan mayor demands ticket. The guy got a warning for 45 in a 40 MPH zone. He demanded a ticket to avoid favoritism. That's pretty cool. If I were him, I'd take it to court just for the irony.

Finally, there's "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies." I was going to just try and ignore this, but someone just wouldn't let me. Seriously, I know nothing about literature, so I can't even fake my way through a joke here. Zombies are bad. That is all.

Your Lost For Words leader.

Recap of Last Year

2009-04-11T22:45:00.001-05:00

It's Zombie Jesus Day.

Take precautions.

Dave Arneson 1947-2009

2009-04-09T17:05:00.003-05:00

He died today of cancer. He seemed to be the catalyst that changed a historical war game into a fantasy war game. He also had to fight for the recognition he deserved.

Nerds mourn again today.

Your D12 leader.

I've Been Taken For Lost And Gone And Unknown

2009-04-08T15:05:00.004-05:00

A quick salute to the crew that took back a ship captured by pirates. Let them all know that Americans are not targets. Now let's get the captain back.

Entertainment Weekly recently listed their top 20 heroes and villains from film. James Bond topped the heroes list, and while he'd certainly top my Top 20 Ids list, I'm OK with him as top hero. It was the villain list that bothered me.

The Wicked Witch of the West was number 1. Really? Let's make a list. Pro - Flying monkies. Con - Defeated by the most abundant substance on Earth. I mean, sure, she's evil and all, but The Terminator can take a direct hit from a rocket launcher. The Witch can't even take a shower.

Darth Vader came in number 2. I'm with that. He chokes people with his mind. Yeah, Episode 3 made him look like a bit of a pansy, but there will never be a Broadway musical about how Vader was simply misunderstood and was really the good guy.

Of course, my pick for #1 villain in film is The Devil. The Exorcist. The Omen. Rosemary's Baby. The Devil Wears Prada. OK, that last one's not right, but Old Scratch is a far superior bad guy than most. To paraphrase Homer Simpson, Satan is my favorite fictional character.

Your Top 5 Track leader.

Officer Down

2009-04-04T13:35:00.004-05:00

Three cops are dead in Pittsburgh. The shooter was reportedly afraid Obama was going to take his guns. Why would he possibly think that? His friends described him as "a young man who thought the Obama administration would ban guns." Wow. Usually they go with, "He was quiet. Seemed like a nice guy."

At least he wasn't able to kill himself like most of these cowards. Of course, he'll probably use the "Obama Derangement" defense and get off. Any conservative on the jury would vote to acquit a guy defending his guns, right?

Put The Fake Goatee On

2009-04-03T00:16:00.002-05:00

So last night The Hillock threw up all of his food and then started wobbling around the kitchen. After he walked into the wall, we realized he was having a bigger problem, so we gave him something to eat. For the first time ever, he wouldn't eat. Then he fell down.

After a quick consultation with Dr. SIL, we rushed him to an emergency all-night vet. (I wanted to just give him Skittles, but she said no.) He peed on The Affiliate on the way there. It turns out his blood sugar was 33. At around 30 seizures and coma set in.

Well, the doctors got his sugar up, and wanted him to stay all night. We love The Hillock, but $1,000 is a lot to spend on an old diabetic cat. We decided to take the chance bringing him home and keeping an eye on him.

I had to feed him every 1/2 hour. For the first time in a while, he didn't eat every scrap of food put out for him and beg for more. I think even he was saying, "Seriously, I'm not hungry anymore." But he made it through the night.

The vet today said he'll be fine, and has been getting too much insulin. He was actually feistier than he's been in a while when I picked him up.

Anyway, we discovered that limit of what we'll pay to save our pet. At least one as old and sick as The Hillock. But I don't think it will be an issue for a while.

In other news ...

Have you ever seen anything this horrific? Well, it may look worse than this guy, but I fear the bee much more.

This is something.

This is not.

And it is not November ... yet.

Your Nothing leader.

Attention!

2009-04-01T09:51:00.003-05:00

No posts today.

That is all.

I'm In Love With Someone That Doesn't Exist

2009-03-27T00:24:00.004-05:00

So, after I found out I was obese, I started working out more. My biggest problem with working out has always been boredom. I can't just run for 30 minutes with nothing going on. Even music doesn't do it for me. So luckily I found some podcasts to help me out.

The best is 7 Corners Podcast. It's done by some local service employees (They work at Bullwinkle's and The Corner Bar, thus the 7 Corners name) and a stand-up comic, one of whom is a friend of a co-worker of mine. The premise is simple; 3 or 4 guys sit around drinking and talking about stuff. It's pretty damn funny. The most recent episode involved lying as a party game, Ron Jeremy and the names of strange sex positions (which was also the subject of this week's "How I Met Your Mother"). Their standard fallback is the **DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK!!!!** chocolate waffle. (I told you not to click it.) Anyway, it's a good time, and if the chocolate waffle didn't make you run screaming, I'd check out the show.

I've also been listening to the Savage Lovecast, and the local Atheist Talk radio show. The Lovecast is no "Loveline" in Adam Carolla's day, but it's better than Dr. Joy Browne. So far, the Atheist Talk has had good topics, but I can see it being hit-or-miss.

Anyway, I really just wanted to give Tommy's podcast a plug. And I did.

Back to The Pitt.

Your Hanging Corn Screamer leader.

Secret Destroyers Hold You Up To The Flames

2009-03-22T01:07:00.002-05:00

I didn't fill out an NCAA basketball bracket. This is because I don't follow college basketball and end up picking the local teams or the funniest team names. My Final Four ends up being Minnesota, Ball State, Gonzaga, and Morehead State. The fact that Ball State isn't even in the tournament this year wouldn't play into my picks at all.

So I cheered for the Gophers, and now I'm back to playing a villain in Fallout 3. I totally blew up a nuclear bomb that happened to be the hub for a small city. Mua ha ha HA!

In space, no one can hear you scream, "Hey! You're putting that together wrong!"

On a more somber note, , 3 cops were killed in Oakland. Let's keep them in our thoughts today. Oh, and if you want to make a Sarah Jane Olson joke in regards to this; fuck you.

Seriously.

Your Please Donate leader.

My Time Is A Piece Of Wax

2009-03-19T22:17:00.001-05:00

Go Gophers hockey team.

That is all.

I Don't Have Any Messages

2009-03-18T17:29:00.003-05:00

This video is because the weather is great and I have a few days off.

On a side note, I have it on good authority that you should not let Jonathan Coulton take care of your cats.

Your Beautiful Day leader.

Ron Silver R.I.P. (1946-2009)

2009-03-17T23:33:00.005-05:00

He died of cancer. I didn't know he had cancer.

Apparently he went from political Lefty to Centery. Which is interesting, because I best knew him as Bruno Gianelli on "The West Wing," where he went from supporting the liberal democrat in one election to supporting the liberal republican in the next.

I don't know a lot of his work, but I was a fan of his work on "Wing," and that means a lot in my book.

Here's a great quote from Bruno Gianelli (probably written by Aaron Sorkin):

... I'm tired of working for candidates who make me think that I should be embarrassed to believe what I believe, Sam! I'm tired of getting them elected! We all need some therapy, because somebody came along and said, "'Liberal' means soft on crime, soft on drugs, soft on Communism, soft on defense, and we're gonna tax you back to the Stone Age because people shouldn't have to go to work if they don't want to!" And instead of saying, "Well, excuse me, you right-wing, reactionary, xenophobic, homophobic, anti-education, anti-choice, pro-gun, Leave It To Beaver trip back to the Fifties...!", we cowered in the corner, and said, "Please. Don't. Hurt. Me." No more. I really don't care who's right, who's wrong. We're both right. We're both wrong. Let's have two parties, huh? What do you say?

Next To This Mole See The Gaping Hole

2009-03-15T16:34:00.006-05:00

UPDATE: Gophers get 10 seed in the East. Way to go, Tubby!

Mischke's back!

Sure, it's a web-stream, but hopefully soon it'll be podcasted so I can download it and listen at work.

Between Dan Savage and now Mischke, City Pages is keeping life interesting. I can forgive losing Tom Tomorrow for now.

Today is just beautiful. I actually opened the windows because I was hot. Awesome.

Not so awesome. First off, if you're contractually obligated to pay a bonus, doesn't that make it just a salary? Secondly, are 400 people really going to jump ship in this economy because they didn't get a bonus? How do you find a new job? "Yes, I caused my last company to be bought out by the U.S. government, and then I left because they didn't reward me for destroying the company. I'm looking for $2.5 million a year and guaranteed bonuses." Finally, if these are the best out there, how does any business survive? Maybe AIG should look into people at businesses that didn't die to replace these folks.

I haven't decided how I feel about this group. I may have to pop in and see just how serious they are. A zombie apocalypse plan for the U of M is a good idea, but it had better be solid.

Go Gophers.

Your On The Bubble leader.

Don't Know What It's About, But It's Good To Go

2009-03-14T02:58:00.003-05:00

So, first my X-Box died. Then my laptop went dark. Both of those situations have been resolved. But tonight, as I was stopped at a red light in my squad car, something else happened.

See, we have cameras in our cars. And there are microphones we wear so there's sound when we're outside of the car on a traffic stop. The mic looks like a large pager. It sits in a battery charger next to the passenger seat.

Well, as I was stopped at the light, I heard a loud pop, and the next thing I saw was something on fire in the passenger seat. The microphone had fucking exploded! Which isn't good. Luckily the burning battery was sitting on my clipboard, so I was able to get it outside of the car and stomp the fire out. Also, luckily, there was no one in the passenger seat.

My point here is that I think electronics are out to get me. Or maybe I'm developing the superpower ability to manipulate electricity, like Black Lightning or Kristen Bell, and I just need to learn to control it. You know, I used to call Chris Walsh "Caucasian Lightning," but I think I could take up that moniker. Or, if the burning battery gave me abilities, I could be Ni-Cad Man.

Actually, now that I think of it, sitting next to a burning battery probably was not the best thing for me. Unless it actually did give me powers.

Fingers crossed!

Your More Powerful Than Superman, Batman, Spiderman and the Incredible Hulk Put Together leader.

Under the Sea

2009-03-08T20:52:00.008-05:00

Well, I'm back from my cruise. While the weather wasn't perfect, it was better than in Minnesota, so I can't complain.

The last night was the only one that wasn't cloudy, so here's a beautiful Caribbean sunset and two Minnesotans who hadn't seen the sun in 5 months. (Yes, I'm wearing a festive shirt. Deal with it.)

I got The Affiliate an underwater camera for X-mas. This is what it can do.

Which was really cool, because after a day snorkling like any old chump, we got to go scuba diving.
That's me breathing underwater! Like Aquaman, but less lame.

"I just saw a fish this big!"

This guy wasn't interested in a photo ...

but this couple posed quickly for me.

Seriously, with friends like these ...

yeah, I'm not going to finish that one. (Sure I am - Who needs anemones?)

The highlight of the dive (and possibly of the trip) was the swim-by of this turtle, whom I named Señor Tortuga.

He was simply defending his ~~'hood~~ coral.

Seriously, we're breathing underwater! How fucking cool is that? Apparently in the U.S. you have to have "certification" and "training" to scuba dive. Not in St. Maarten/Martin. We came out OK, so it turned out to be a great day.

I'll have some more when I figure out which pics are from where.

Your Fun in the Sun leader.

The Time Has Come Today

2009-02-24T14:19:00.004-06:00

OK. No X-Box, and time off work, and possible delirium from fever = Posting!

Clearly, this was never in question, but it's always nice to have things confirmed in an obviously scientifically correct online poll.

Your morality is 0% in line with that of the bible.

Damn you heathen! Your book learnin' has done warped your mind. You shall not be invited next time I sacrifice a goat.

Do You Have Biblical Morals?
Take More Quizzes

(via PZ)

It was once that students would gather together to protest injustice with aplomb and zeal. They were willing to give up everything for what they thought was right. Yeah, things have changed.
(Thanks to Marty for the link)

"We need to collectively decide how to proceed." I'm pretty sure the administration already "collectively decided" to end your bullshit.
"Excuse me, you can't come in here." Well, that worked.
"You are on camera. You may not detain us." What does that even mean? You'll be detained if you need to be, camera or no.
"As long as they don't have devices of force." Lucky kid. This guy would have pissed himself if there was a gun in the room.

This isn't revolution. This is kids with too much time on their hands and no understanding of the real world. These punks aren't willing to give up anything. Their number one demand was amnesty for their little protest. People used to be willing to go to jail for their beliefs. Not any more, apparently.

I actually like the tough guys calling people "snakes" and "rats." I wish one of them have tried to show the security guard what people do to "fucking snakes." The camera man would probably have started crying because there was "non-peaceful activity." Also the little anarcho-wannabe tough guy would have gotten his dreadlocks torn out. Seriously, they are lucky NYPD wasn't called in.

I know some leftist revolutionary types. They aren't scared of "devices of force." They wouldn't try to politely discuss issues. I can have respect for someone willing to fight for their cause and take the consequences. These dumb-asses at NYU are an embarrassment to their school and to revolutionaries everywhere.

To quote Bart Simpson; "We another Vietnam to thin out their ranks." And to get some real protests.

Your Show Some Backbone leader.

P.S. I saw some video of the beginning of the sit-in, and, oh, Christ, they're playing "Time Warp" from Rocky Horror Picture Show. If I ever meet an NYU student, I'm punching him or her right in the face.

I Declare I Don't Care No More

2009-02-24T00:58:00.006-06:00

Remember the "Red Ring Of Death?" It was an issue before I got my X-Box 360, and was supposedly cleared up. Except it wasn't, because I'm waiting for a shipping box so I can send in my game system to be repaired. Excuse me for a moment while I let this out ...

MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, I feel a little better now. Wait. I've got something coming on. Here, watch this video while I go I the other room.

(God-damn bullshit cocksucker shit fucker son of a BITCH mittens!)

All right, I'm back in the room.

Did I mention I'm getting sick? Again? I'm trying the herbal tea/whiskey remedy. Of course, I don't have any herbal tea, but that's not really the point.

Oh, and some more good news. According to this thing, I'm obese. Now, I'll admit I'm not the pinnacle of human physical perfection, but I've never thought I was obese. And quite frankly, any system that puts me in the same category as Louie Anderson should be seen as suspect.

Or maybe getting sick is a good thing.

Yes, I'm a bit edgy. What I need is a vacation. Luckily, I'm setting sail from the Port of Miami on Sunday.

Hopefully the whiskey will have kicked in by then.

Your No More Swears leader.

Awe ... wait for it ... Some!

2009-02-23T15:34:00.000-06:00

EXTERMINATE!!! EXTERMINATE!!!!

2009-02-19T22:09:00.005-06:00

Submitted without comment.

Try To See It Once My Way

2009-02-17T15:54:00.004-06:00

I hope you had a happy President's Day. Maybe you caught a furniture sale or were simply happy to have an extra day where your stocks didn't go down.

Well, as much as I try to keep my personal life off of the internet, someone went and dug up this editorial I wrote a couple of years ago. Never say I don't stand by my words.

I haven't been blogging much. It's not like anything interesting has happened anyway.

The actual reason is I've been hypnotized by the comments at Minnesota Democrats Exposed. (I'd link,but even I have a limit to what I'll link to.) Michael Brodkorb who was once inexplicably the go-to for local media looking for political commentary from the right. I say inexplicably because he does little more than post MN Republican press releases. Now his site is simply host to about 8 right-wingnuts calling anyone from the left who dare share an opinion gay and posting links to gay erotica. If I'm looking for that, I read swiftee's blog.

Basically, reading the moronica that is MDE has left me saddened at what the internet has become. Even goatse didn't do that to me. (Interestingly, "goatse" is in the Firefox dictionary, so it didn't need spell-checking.) At the beginning of the year, I was going to go after Mitch's commenters, but they seem like the Algonquin Round Table after reading MDE, so I'll pass.

Anyway, I head off to the Carribbean in less than 2 weeks. Maybe I'll come back refreshed and verbose.

Your Saddened and Bored leader.

Love, Love, Love

2009-02-14T03:13:00.003-06:00

This is what today's all about.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Chill In The Air Cold As Steel Tonight

2009-02-03T07:03:00.004-06:00

While this seems like a harmless prank, it is actually quite dangerous.

See, the problem here is that in the case of a real zombie apocalypse, people will ignore the signs warning of impending doom thanks to these not-so-merry pranksters. Also, the chance of Nazi zombies somehow crossing the ocean and menacing Texas is quite low. (Link via DAV,who I'd link to if he had updated within the last 3 months)

Instead, more people should check out this game, The Last Stand 2. To best of a Flash game's ability, it simulates the endless zombie hordes and the skills needed to defeat them. We're trying to get a 10 hour in-service training credit to play this at work, but we're having a hard time of it.

Your Prepared leader.

Pie We Can!!!

2009-02-02T14:59:00.003-06:00

America, we did it!

Pie. Pie Is Delicious.

2009-01-27T23:02:00.004-06:00

I don't normally do this, but a minor cable TV celebrity has petitioned Congress to declare a Pie Week. This is because pie is awesome and tasty and there are many varieties.

I say, "Why not?" Please, people, let's get pie it's own week. Sign the petition. Do it for pie. If not that, then do it because if there 50,000 signatures, Olivia will wear a naughty French maid outfit on "Attack of the Show."

Please?

Your I Like Coconut Creme leader.

UPDATE: I'm aware of GoogleImages. I want to see the naughty French maid!

He's Baaaaa-aack!

2009-01-24T22:10:00.001-06:00

Link-O-Rama has returned.

That is all.

We'll Choke On Our Vomit, And That Will Be The End

2009-01-22T16:53:00.000-06:00

Time for me to bitch about more just plain awful ads on TV and radio.

Comcast has been pimping its digital cable and high-speed internet lately. During football season they had an ad about how one guy was way better at fantasy football than another because of his internet. The loser whines, "You always know how to crush my hopelessly pathetic defense." OK. I don't play fantasy football. I have my own nerdery to partake in. But even I know that who someone plays has nothing to do with your teams defense, because your defense just goes against the real-life team. Also, generally you play different people each week. Then the winner replies, "Because I use Comcast. And I am your lord and master!" Here's where the writing sucks. If you're trash talking someone, you go with the lord and master taunt before revealing your secret. As a commercial, it would better segue into the sales pitch by having the Comcast line last. Fail on two counts.

The current commercial for Comcast cable involves a 30-something woman who looks like an older Hillary Duff talking about her misspent youth using satallite TV. "We all go through that phase," she says smugly. "Then I realized that I could lose my picture in bad weather." Now, I actually find this a legitimate point. However, the wording suggests she never actually lost her picture. If I had satallite for 5 years and never lost the picture, I wouldn't be spending $50 more a month for cable on the off chance that it might still happen. Then she continues, "Of course, when you have kids, everything changes." Damn straight. Once you have kids TV is your only escape from the soul-crushing reality that your life no longer belongs to you. If the picture goes out, you're liable to go sit in the garage with the car running.

I wouldn't get upset about this type of ad if I didn't know there were talented writers out there who could craft ads worth watching. On a side note, anyone can pay me $50 to listen to an ad and tell you why it sucks, and how to fix it.

Now, I turn to AM1280 The Patriot for an ad I only hear on that station. The first involves Ty Coughlin, a so-called "beach bum" from Hawaii who has created a system to make millions of dollars on the internet without actually doing anything. First off, this seems antithetical to the conservative work ethic. Getting money for doing nothing is exactly what all of those talk-show hosts are against. But even worse is the commercial itself. It starts out with Ty laughing and asking if the commercial is live. He's told it is. He then starts with, "OK, I guess we're live ..." Someone really should have stopped the commercial at that point to say, A. It's a taped commercial, not live and B. We don't need to mention the process of taping. Of course, I suppose that fits into Ty's easy-going image. But then, there's the follow-up commercial, which putitively features one of Ty's many minions who have used the program, but sounds suspiciously like Ty Coughlin just lowering his voice in a clever attempt to disguise it. This commercial includes an English problem that's been spreading recently.

"Actually" is a word that should be used to purport something as true that has been called false. More and more, people throw "actually" in to modify their sentence for something no one thought was wrong to begin with. I heard a news guy say he was "actually" going to be somewhere the next day. No one had suggested he wouldn't be there. Here's a hypothetical where actually is used correctly:
Me: "Nickleback is just a plain awful band."
Some Idiot: "Actually, Nickleback puts out some wonderful music."
Me: *Shakes head sadly*
See, Some Idiot was trying to refute my statement that, in fact, all music would be better if Nickleback never played another note.

So, anyway, at one point the "Not Ty Coughlin" guy says, "I've met Ty, and he's actually a pretty cool dude." At which point I think to myself, "I hadn't thought for one minute he wasn't a cool dude, but your defensive wording has me a little wary now." So then I thought maybe there's a whole group that is opposed to Ty and his money making schemes. So I googled anti-Ty Coughlin. There are a couple of sites attacking him, but not really a concerted effort. Then I thought maybe they have a clever name, like Productive Citizens Against Beach Bums. No dice. Then I got bored.

Then it hit me; Ty Coughlin and his henchmen are using their internet ability to shut down any organized effort against him on the web. And they're using their vast internet fortunes to buy up any open radio commercial slots to keep dissenting folks from getting any air time to air their grievences against him. This is because he is running a scam.

And that's why I support the fairness doctrine.

(Not really)

Your Now I Can Sleep At Night leader.

Like, A Long Time Ago

2009-01-21T21:50:00.001-06:00

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

The best part is F=MA. Because it does.

Life Finds A Way

2009-01-18T13:20:00.002-06:00

This is why I shouldn't have children.

He Was Not A Number! He Was A Free Man!

2009-01-14T17:27:00.003-06:00

Patrick McGoohan 1928-2009

I first saw McGoohan as King Edward I in "Braveheart." Then "The Simpsons" did the most bizarre episode I had ever seen, which turned out to be a play on "The Prisoner," which became one of the more bizarre TV shows I had ever seen.

Your Be Seeing You leader.

Changes Aren't Permanent ... But Change Is

2009-01-13T16:46:00.003-06:00

Al, Al, Al; settle down and wait for the court to issue a ruling. I'm sick of people thinking they are the most important thing in the country, and the Senate just can't function without them.

After all, even "hyper-partisan election thief" and known kitten-eater Mark Ritchie says he can't confirm the results until the court challenge is done. It's right there in state law;

209.12 CONGRESSIONAL OFFICE.
When a contest relates to the office of senator or a member of the house of representatives
of the United States, the only question to be decided by the court is which party to the contest
received the highest number of votes legally cast at the election and is therefore entitled to receive
the certificate of election. The judge trying the proceedings shall make findings of fact and
conclusions of law upon that question. Evidence on any other points specified in the notice of
contest, including but not limited to the question of the right of any person to nomination or office
on the ground of deliberate, serious, and material violation of the provisions of the Minnesota
Election Law, must be taken and preserved by the judge trying the contest, or by some person
appointed by the judge for that purpose; but the judge shall make no findings or conclusion
on those points.
After the time for appeal has expired, or in case of an appeal, after the final judicial
determination of the contest, upon application of either party to the contest, the court administrator
of the district court shall promptly certify and forward the files and records of the proceedings,
with all the evidence taken, to the presiding officer of the Senate or the House of Representatives
of the United States. The court administrator shall endorse on the transmittal envelope or
container the name of the case and the name of the party in whose behalf the proceedings were
held, and shall sign the endorsement.

(Emphasis mine) Let the court make its ruling.

Your Take A Deep Breath leader.

All My Sins ... I Said That I Would Pay For Them

2009-01-10T18:07:00.005-06:00

(Closed Circuit to Bruce: I'm still OK. The excessive posting means nothing.)

I've added a link on the right for people who might think this site needs more bacon. You're welcome. I've also added a couple of humor blogs to the ol' 'roll; The Comics Curmudgeon who reads and mocks the funny pages (so you don't have to), and The Bloggess doesn't seem to have a purpose, but is pretty fuckin' funny.

We're still senatorless. The recount has been long and ugly. The Republicans have done nothing but claim fraud since well before the election. They call Democrats "elitists," yet say that unless you filled in your oval perfectly on the ballot that you are stupid and, contrary to state law, your vote shouldn't count. They claim that only Democrats are stupid enough to not follow the rules on the ballot. They yell about illegal votes, yet there's is the only party to receive a bona-fide illegal vote.

Every attack of the Franken campaign's tactics during the recount could be aimed at Coleman as well, especially when it came to challenging ballots. Remember when Coleman said if he were losing at the end of an election he'd concede? It was a stupid statement then, and when the wind changes, it's challenge time. I have no problem with election challenges brought under state law. That's a good thing in an election this close. It's just nice to see Coleman finally thinking state election law is good. Too bad it's only when it benefits him.

I spent most of 2 hours earlier today listening to paid Republican operative Michael Brodkorb claiming that SOS Ritchie stole the election for the Democrats. I say claiming, because he didn't actually give any evidence to the point. In fact, when someone challenged him for evidence, he said a few things about irregularities in the precincts and then hung up on her.

Yes, there were irregularities. There was 1 (not 23, as the WSJ claimed) precinct with 31 more votes than those who signed in. It's an acknowledged mistake involving absentee sign-ins. And there was a precinct where there were fewer ballots than votes counted on election night. Michael says there was a double standard because they accepted the ballot count in one place and the machine count in another. Pay close attention: These are two different issues. If two precincts had fewer ballots than votes and they were treated differently, that would be a double standard. What Brodkorb's outraged about isn't.

It has also been claimed that there may have been double counted ballots. No one can prove which ballots these are, and I am wondering why Coleman's camp assumes they were all for Franken. If they can show who the double votes were for, then remove them. If not, then something needs to be put in place to stop it from happening in the future, but you can't just throw random votes out without some assurance they were the double votes.

Brobkorb was also very holier-than-thou about Franken that he "doesn't want to count all of the votes." Nevermind that Coleman didn't want to count them all before the recount started (Franken should have waived the recount, remember?); he doesn't want to count them all now. There were 12,000 rejected absentee ballots. Coleman brought 650 to court. If he's so interested in every vote being counted, where were the rest? I'd like to see every legal vote counted, and would have no problem with all of the rejected ballots being re-evaluated. All of them. Not just the ones that might benefit a particular candidate.

I've also heard a lot of complaints because someone saw ballots with the circle filled in and and X through it that were counted for Franken but the same looking ballot was not counted for Coleman. If the entire ballot had a filled circle with an X through it, that's clear voter intent, unless you think the voter decided after filling out the ballot to not vote for anybody, but still submitted the ballot. On the other hand, if only one vote had an X through it, that's less clear. I would think without another filled circle in that race it should count, but the officials decided otherwise. That's not fraud. State Law says you must look at the voters intent. Looking at the whole ballot might show a pattern. A pattern shows intent, don't you think?

Here's a test: If I write the letter "C," and that C is the first letter of a word, tell me what sound the C makes. The correct answer is "I don't know, because it depends on the rest of the word." The same is true of voter intent. (By the way, the word is circumnavigate, and therefore it makes an "S" sound)

Now the right wants a run-off election. They didn't want that when Coleman was ahead. Conservatives attack Instant Run-off Voting because they think it will lead to Democratic victories in close races. Now they want to change the rules when they lost and immediately have a run-off election. I agree with run-offs. Michael, you've got some pull in the Republican party. Why not get them to change the law for the next election. But you can't do it for this one.

Again, Brodkorb is a paid Republican operative, and his side has been claiming election fraud since before the election. Republican Sarah Janacek came on the show and basically said Ritchie has done the best job he could. Yes, there have been problems in the election. Ritchie deserves some blame for these problems. Can you prove that Ritchie intentionally influenced the recount to favor Franken, rather than simply having run a poor recount? Can you prove that every problem you have brought up was not dealt with according to the best interpretation of state election law? If not, your accusations of cheating and fraud are crap.

In closing; I didn't vote for either candidate, Lizard People seems to have some good ideas on the economy and the DFL needs to drastically change how they choose their candidates in the future so they can avoid these problems in the future. I don't much care who the Republicans run.

Your Focus On The New Blogroll Stuff leader.

P.S. (Closed Circuit to Bruce: I hope you figured out the secret message)

... And I Feel Fine

2009-01-10T01:24:00.002-06:00

Have you ever been talking to some guy who says, "You know, this isn't PC to say, but ..." and you're thinking he's going to say something innocuous like "Why do black people like fried chicken and watermelon?" but instead he says, "I bet Barack Obama is going to wear Grillz and put spinners on the presidential limo and stock the White House with 40's and treat the cabinet like a street gang"? And then that guy insinuates someone else is racist?

Your What The Fuck? Over leader.

Just Enough Knowledge To Know I Don't Know Anything

2009-01-08T16:19:00.006-06:00

I've been watching the old TV show "Sliders" on my X-Box Netflix queue. I've been a fan of the parallel dimension idea since I was young, and traveling to different Earths was a great concept. Of course, they often landed on Earths that were very similar to ours. I am curious why they never landed on any other Egyptian worlds that were almost-but-not-quite the Egypt world from the 3rd season.

On a side note, my next cat will be named Schrödinger.

I enjoy reading right-wing blogs and listening to right-wing radio (which can be the same thing here in Minnesota). I do it for two reasons: I've learned that knowing the opponent's argument helps solidify your own; and it reminds me that the "liberals" the right are railing against aren't me.

I've realized that someone with my beliefs couldn't be elected to office by either political party. I've often said I'm not as liberal as some people think I am, and not as conservative as others think I should be. People on both sides of the isle consider "moderates" to be wishy-washy morons who can't decide on an issue.

That may sometimes be true, but a political moderate can also be someone who doesn't know why being against gun control must also mean being against abortion or believing gays should be allowed to marry also means you must accept smoking bans. I am against strict gun control and pro-choice. I am for allowing gays to marry and against smoking bans. Who would have me?

There are so many issues that have nothing to do with each other that somehow seem to fall in party line. There are those of us who think that both raising taxes and cutting spending are the way out of our budget crisis. Let's face it, Minneapolis, the Target Center green roof is a bad idea. The library green roof was a good idea, though. The difference being that theoretically the library should be around a lot longer than the Target Center. On the other hand small business is booming in MN due to layoffs. Jason Lewis et al would have you believe that no one would ever start a business in MN due to taxes.

I accept that government has a role in America, and for that I would be called a socialist by some. The problem is that business does nothing except for profit. There are benefits to society that aren't profitable. There are also luxuries that may and should not be available to all. Success should have some rewards, after all. It is what we think is which that makes us a "moonbat" or "wingnut."

I also know that entrepreneurs built this country. We often over-regulate business, and then complain when they flee to other nations. We can be business-friendly without screwing employees and the environment, but that means picking our battles. Just banning everything isn't the answer.

I believe in paying for public college for anyone who wants to go. In return, those students must maintain a "B" average or the grant turns into a loan. Those students who should be in college will be, and those who shouldn't will be less likely to bring down the rest. I also think that mandatory secondary school needs to keep the needs of all the kids, not just the lowest achievers, in mind. High achievers are harmed by being mixed with average and below-average students, and so are the rest of us when the best don't live up to their potential. Failure is important to learn, and some kids are smarter than others.

I believe that people (excluding children) receiving public benefits from the government should work to the best of their ability. Welfare shouldn't be a simple handout, and someone in genuine need should be more than willing to work for pay.

Today I heard someone suggest that investment and savings should be tax free. It sounds nice, until you point out that those who already have billions would pay no taxes. The already rich don't need work income. Meanwhile, those making very little don't save or invest, so there's a loss in revenue with no benefit to the majority of people.

My Brother is an actuary at a large firm. Whenever his managers complain about "Taxes on the rich," he offers to exchange salaries to relieve their tax burden. They never accept. The higher your salary, the more you go home with, regardless of the tax rate. Now, I'm not advocating a 90% tax rate, but saying that a progressive tax means there is nothing to work harder for is a lie.

On the other hand, perhaps there should be a minimum tax rate. Everyone should have a stake in where their money is going. They say there's a large portion of people paying no income tax, but when I was making $25,000 a year I still paid income tax, and I was a single guy paying no rent. But since I've always taken a standard deduction, I don't know what kind of tax breaks are available. I know most people are paying property taxes, and everyone pays sales tax, so saying someone pays nothing in taxes isn't true unless they get all of that back in deductions. I'm no financial expert, so help is always appreciated.

As for health care, there is a difference between single-payer and government-run health care. We have the benefit of seeing what works and doesn't work in other nations. I'd like to see legislators realize that what's good for them should be good for everyone. It's easy to complain about a longer wait for an MRI when you can get one right away now. It's different when you can't get one at all.

I'm for decriminalizing drugs. I'm also for lowering the drinking age. Let people make some mistakes. It's a healthy lesson to society when some people screw up.

I don't hate President Bush, and I don't have "Bush Derangement Syndrome." I've disagreed with much of what Bush did in office. I also don't think he is dumb. I've come to realize he's even worse; he plays dumb so a Harvard/Yale educated son of a former president can be liked by the large segment of Americans who think "elite" is a bad word and think "learning" is for pussy nerds who don't like sports.

I also don't think Obama is the second coming. The right made fun of "The One" and "The Obamessiah." I don't know anyone who thinks that way about Obama. Those that do aren't really political minded people. My decision was based on seeing a guy who is intellectually curious, and not afraid to show it.

You can call Obama corrupt because he comes from Chicago, but show me a politician who isn't corrupt and I'll show you a politician who hasn't been elected to much.

I am moderate enough to not like one party having all of the power. I'll be going after the Democrats a lot more in the next 2 years. Not because they're elite socialists, but because full governmental power tends to make people overstep their bounds. We are a moderate country. Not center-right (whatever that means) but center. Few people are represented by either party. I certainly am not, and calling me a moonbat doesn't make it more true. Yes I lean left, but not so far as to not recognize the other side isn't always wrong. Except on religion.

Part 2: The Blogosphere! Coming soon.

Your Sorry About The Lack Of Humor leader.