A Man of Means By No Means

Drive 105 is no more. It has been replaced by the "All sappy love songs, all the time" station. It's an unholy mix of WLTE and JACK FM. Love 105 is really just another sad, boring station. Things like this are what keep me from being excited about HD radio. Is 3 stations per frequency that great if they all play the same mediocre music? I'm not saying Drive was a revolutionary station, but it allowed me to hear "alternative rock" not being played outside of satellite radio without having to listen to Hungarian folk music or wait 2 weeks to hear a song I like again. Also, Drive played new music while it was still new, not weeks or months later. Considering I listen to talk radio more than anything else, satellite radio isn't even a feasible choice considering the price. I guess I'll just sulk and listen to Alt Nation on my TV satellite at home until something better comes along.

Enough sulking. At least until this idea gets more popular. Once again, it is shown that some people don't think women are smart enough to think for themselves. Raising the age of consent for "erotic" images from 18 to 21 (for women only?), is pushed by this idea. Those girls are just too dumb to realize that their bodies are dirty.

Think only of the difference between a college freshman and a recent college graduate, or between a high-school senior and a young woman with a job and apartment of her own. Or think of the difference between a 19-year-old girl--intoxicated by both a Scorpion Bowl (illegally served) and her own newly developed form--and a woman who has been through her first heartbreak and has had to think long and hard about what her value is, both in her personal life and at the office. The second woman is more likely to nurse a chardonnay with friends than "go wild" in the sense that Mr. Francis' cameras are so eager to record. Surely the porn industry can survive without the participation of teenagers.

Because 18 year-olds have never had their heart broken or thought about their bodies.

First off, I continue to insist that breasts are not intrinsically erotic. They certainly can be, but a woman flashing me doesn't turn me on. Especially when she's drunk and doesn't care who sees. Erotic the belief that sex (with me) will go along with the flash. "Girls Gone Wild" doesn't make that promise.

Secondly, the biggest difference (drinking-wise, if not completely) between a college freshman and senior is the experience of knowing how much to drink so that you can get seriously fucked up without puking. "Nurse a chardonnay" my ass. I know 30 year-old women that can and will drink me under a table, then steal my wallet and draw a fake moustache on me as I lay passed out in a pool of vomit and single-malt scotch.

Either we're adults at 18 or we're not. The drinking age of 21 is a joke. However, Jon Swift has made a better proposal for the porn industry; an even higher age minimum. Kind of like when the voting age was raised to 65 on "The Simpsons."

Let's not pretend this is compassion for young women. If you don't like porn, try and ban it. Saying that 18 year-old women just aren't smart enough to show their boobs is insulting. Me, I'd work on trying to get the 18 year-old more than a t-shirt for doing it. Garance Franke-Ruta should start working as an agent for Spring-Breakers, folowing Joe Francis around and negotiating points for the women on every video sold. That would "burden the next Joe Francis with an aptly limited supply of 'talent,'" as she says. At least talent willing to flash for free.

Your AM Radio leader.

There Is No Fucking You; There is Only Me (Plus, Wednesday Tapir Blogging)

No real content, except to piss off the Mark by linking to his notice about Postal Rates.

"He just didn't want to go to jail and decided he would outrun the police naked" I suppose Mark would prefer I not use that quote directly after mentioning him. Oh well.



The noble and majestic Tapir, taking his first steps toward greatness. (via Primordial Blog)

I would like to point out to Mark that I have been technically "blogging" since September of 2000. Although I have never been given this advice before today:

Want to become an A lister? Work on your style, develop relatively unique content, post dependably, write for your audience and not yourself, and suck up to the current A listers. In other words, turn your blog into a job, bust your ass, and yes, you will get somewhere, but only if you remember to brown nose a little. Because whether Atrios wants to admit it or not, he and Kos and the others do have the power to make or break blogs, and it would be nice if they'd admit that before unruly D-listers revolt.

Which is probably for the best. I'm writing this entire post to needle Mark and link to him as many times as I can, but also because I realize that despite my longevity as a blogger (even if no one knew that term when I started), I will never have more than an average 3 return readers a day. Which makes me happy. I will never be a deep blogger. I am the embodiment of snark, something I blame my father's family for. I am a true moderate, in that I don't have strong feelings towards most issues, and even the ones I care about don't effect me enough to make me work towards changing them. Also, I tend to disagree with the Left too much to be a true lefty. Of course, I just despise most of what the Right stands for, so that does me no good either.

The whole "Mitch is(n't) a great feminist" battle made me giggle. The best part was realizing that both sides have a different view of what feminism is. While I have some doubts that Mitch is as great a feminist as he claims, I also have trouble with this argument that claims that all of humanity is keeping women down. Amanda's argument is that women can't help but choose lower paying jobs, and it's all my fault. Luckily, I found a woman who should pretty much always make more in the business world than I ever will as a lowly civil servant. And if she wants to stay home to take care of a child, she can. If she doesn't, I'll beat her until she does.

Wow. That was a joke, everyone. I swear. And of course, just making that joke makes me a misogynist in the eyes of some. I'll live. And I'll never claim to be the most feminist person I know. (Which I can't claim, at least as long as I attend Drinking Liberally)

So where was I? Once again, the reason no one reads my blog - I haven't gotten to the point of anything in 3 years. Like today. My goal of linking to Norwegianity was met many times over, but I have no idea where I was going with that whole feminism thing. Because, as a human being, I don't have all of the answers. Maybe when I'm older.

Oh, I almost forgot this other picture:

(via Dr. Eldritch)

I was amused to no end by that. Don't ask me why.

I hope anyone who reads this was as thoroughly confused reading it as I have been writing it. I bid you a good night (or day, if you're one of the few people reading this who is not sitting in their basement late at night desperately seeking the will to live).

Your Not Norwegian Like This Guy leader.

P.S. I think this is my longest post ever, which is funny considering my opening caveat of "No real content" is still accurate.

Victory is Mine!

Well, it appears as though my crusade has been successful. I haven't heard the Chicken Dance commercial all week. Our voices (especially mine) have been heard. Congratulations to you all (but mostly me)!

The Affiliate would like me to inform you that she will be participating in the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk, Aug. 24-26 here in the Twin Cities. As I understand it, it is a walk to raise money to cure cancer, not for cancer as I originally thought. Anyway, she needs to raise $2,500. If you would like to donate you can click here. I will have a permanent link on the site in case you would like to donate later. Of course, any amount will be appreciated and it's for a good cause (Again, it's to fight cancer, not help cancer). Thanks a lot.

To keep from seeming too serious, here's a new item from Apple - The iRack.



Your Shameless Begging leader.

Update: NOOOOOOOO!!! The Affiliate heard the commercial on the radio this afternoon. Oh well, we'll soldier on. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't donate.

What's That Blue Thing Doing Here?

(They Might Be Giants)

This is a call to action.

I want everyone who reads this to write a letter to Cub *edit: It's actually Rainbow* Foods. Then tell your friends to write letters.The letter should somehow involve the following line:

"I will not shop at your store again until you stop using that fucking Chicken Dance commercial."

I also suggest you tell every radio station and TV station that runs the commercial that you will not listen to or watch them until they refuse to play the commercial. (OK, who am I kidding? No one watches or listens to commercials anymore.) Feel free to leave out the profanity, but I'm expecting it may be necessary to get the point across.

We will boycot companies for human rights violations and racist comments. Surely you would agree that this is just as important. What better way to stage a hunger strike than to simply stop buying groceries?

I never thought I'd see the day when those "Cub; The Store Next Door" commercials with the blathering idiots they portray as shoppers at their store (people who generally make me want to move to another galaxy so as to avoid having to converse with them) would actually make me feel like patronizing their business. But here we are.

The "Chicken Dance" needs to be stopped, and giving it an audience outside of weddings won't help kill it. It will only make it stronger.

Who is with me?

Your I Don't Wanna Be A Chicken leader.

Oh, So Offensive

Yet funny.

If this is too soon, just come back when it's not. I saw the Virginia Tech shooter on TV, and there was something about him that I couldn't put my finger on. KQRS figured it out. I'm linking this in the hopes that if mass killers are ridiculed rather than made into media heroes, people won't think they'll be famous by shooting up their peers.

Of course, as an atheist, I don't care about those who were killed.

I heard a student on the news say, "We feel like we can't do anything. At least we can pray." So she really can't do anything. Seriously, if someone would explain to me exactly how prayer is doing something, please do. "It makes me feel better" isn't a real answer, since drinking and smoking make me feel better, but I couldn't get on the news by saying, "I lost 2 friends this week. I'm going out to down some whiskey and smoke a pack of Camels."

Although that does sound like fun, I'll abstain tonight. Maybe just a movie.

Your Napolean Dynamite Still Sucks leader.

Support the Troops

Bring them home to this. (May not be work safe)

(via Bitch PhD)

Make sure they believe in God.

(via Ask an Atheist)

Also, make sure their kids know as little about sex as possible.

And give them a way to make a little extra cash when they get here.

Your Who Says Satire is Dead lader.

I Washed It Down With Gasoline and Dried It With A Match

If April showers bring May flowers, what do April snowstorms bring?

I believe that the worst act comitted by the Germans was not the Holocaust, but the introduction of accordions to the Mexicans.

Now that I've offended about 9 different groups, I'll continue.

This is an interesting post on Atheism. I put myself in the Awakened category. It was the realization that the stories I was being told were not original that got me to thinking, "What makes this telling of the story truth, and not the others." Why was Osiris' resurrection not worthy of worship? Or Mithras? Or Baldur? I came to the understanding that not believeing in all of the other deities had a logical conclusion of not believing in the Christian one.

I've heard tell that since some parts of the Bible are historically accurate, it must be true. We've found the ruins of Troy. Does this mean that Odysseus really faced the cyclops Polyphemus and the Sirens? Was Achilles truly dipped into the Styx and rendered invulnerable. (Speaking of which, why didn't his mother turn him over and dip his other foot into the river? Much suffering could have been avoided.) I like to think it did happen. I've wanted to take a cruise following the path of Odysseus through the Mediterranean Sea, with the ultimate hope of finding the lotophagi and having a lazy weekend.

Of course, unlike PZ, I don't hate the religious. I feel about the strongly devout the same way I do about devout fans of "American Idol." I get a little annoyed when I have to hear people talk about it all the time, but whatever makes you happy, right? I don't understand the obsession to such a weak show, but I do like some crappy TV myself.

If someone tried to force me to watch AI every week, I might get a little angrier. If I had to profess my love of Clay Aikin to be considered a good person in America, I might consider drastic measures.

(Ooh, doorbell - be right back)

I'm back. The Affiliate got a Fed-Ex delivery. And the delivery woman was cute as hell. Nice.

I've decided to abandon my last train of thought, because my point, if I had one, was getting lost in an overextended metaphor. That happens to me a lot.

I'm off to comfort the cat, who is frightened of the lawn mowers outside.

Your Kelly Clarkson is Not God leader.

P.S. I was kidding about the Holocaust. That was worse that the accordions. But not much.

I'll Make a Brand New Start of It

Here are your instructions for today.

Go to Google Maps. Click on get directions. Get directions from New York, New York to Paris, France.

Read #23.

Get on wih the rest of your day.

The Law of 23 is always true.

Your That's A Lot of Help leader.

We'll Be Watching Over You

This is not me, or my friends. Really.




So, I've been working a lot and I haven't had anything interesting to write about that isn't work related (which I won't write about).

Sorry.

Your I Swear I'll Make It Up To You leader.

It Ain't Easy Being Green

I haven't posted in a while. I was violently sick yesterday, but I'm better now. Otherwise, not much has been going on. At least I feel better than this guy. (Not safe for work)



Your Crown of Shit leader.

Wack Fol the Laddie-o!

A hearty Erin go bragh and Sláinte to you all on this St. Patrick's Day.

However, do you all know of the lesser known holiday that also falls on this fine day? Do you? I suppose not, or it wouldn't be lesser known. In any case, today is Air-Kraken Day, which is explained in that link, because I have no clue what it's all about. I do know that this picture is freakin' sweet.


London is so fucked.

Your Keep Watching the Skies leader.

By the Moon and the Stars in the Sky

Just a quick question for my blogger friends with more skill at digging these things up - Anyone think they can find when Newt Gingrich repeatedly said that he had, under oath, never had an affair? Ian Punnit mentioned it this morning. He thought it was on "Meet the Press" a while back, or one of the morning shows, probably within the last 2 years. Gingrich was asked if he was having an affair during the Clinton scandal, and Gingrich said that he had answered the question in a deposition during his divorce - under oath - and the answer was no.

Which would mean that he lied about an affair under oath.

Anyone have the time and inclination?

Your Take the Ball and Run leader.

It Wasn't the Drinkin', This Man Died of Thirst

I caught Gaelic Storm at the Fine Line on Saturday. I ended up going alone because someone didn't call me back. It was still fun. They did 2 sets and pulled out all of the instruments. I've always been impressed that people who are so drunk they can't remember the names of songs are still able to play brilliantly.

Jeff discusses the dangers of nightclubs (or something like that) -

Not nightclubs! Why, do you know what happens in night clubs? No? Well, either you’re closing your eyes to a situation you do now wish to acknowledge or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a night club in your community. They’re filled with libertine men and scarlet women! And rag-time, shameless music that’ll grab your son-and your daughter–with the arms of a jungle animal instinct! Mass-staria! Friends, the idle brain is the devil’s playground!

We’ve got trouble! Right here in River City! With a capital “T” and that rhymes with “D” and that stands for Dance!

It's actually about some movement where parents and little kids go dancing. Which is why it's a good thing I don't have kids, because I would be requesting "What's Your Fantasy" by Ludacris, children be damned.

At the risk of angering my fellow liberals, this should fail. There's a reason citizens are the ones who get to vote. We have the most to lose. Not to mention that those who have become citizens went through a lot to do so, and letting non-citizens vote diminishes their work. I still think more people should be allowed to become citizens. Note that my dislike for Phyllis Kahn has nothing to do with my opposition to her bill, but it's proposals like this that lead to my dislike of Phyllis Kahn.

I have a job because idiots exist. I don't worry about losing my job anytime soon.

Your Dance the Night Away leader.

Another Fun Test

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Howl at the Moon

OK. So I'm ready to accept that all werewolves reside in Wisconsin. Here's another one.

A former inmate told police that he was a werewolf and could change shapes after he was arrested for breaking into a woman's apartment.

This sounds like your basic case of supernatural-status discrimination to me. Although I think there was a full moon this weekend. His transmogrification should have settled the matter right there. Unless the lunar eclipse somehow interfered. Or the jail bars are made of silver (which they should be, what with the number of werewolves in Wisconsin).

I think the lycanthropic community should be outraged by this arrest. The marijuana was obviously medicinal. I assume it helps keep him from changing. This is an outrage, and all good thinking people should be crying for this man/beast's release.

Either that, or we should all just stay the fuck out of Wisconsin.

The Affiliate would like me to inform everyone that she was accepted into Hamline University in the MBA program. Or something like that. The less I know, the better I say. She's getting a Master's degree. Let's keep it at that. Way to go, me gal!

Finally; Moose 1, Helicoptor 0.

PETA is probably sipping a non-fat soy decaf latte for that Alces alces. That, by the way, would trample any one of them without a second thought.

Your Lycanthropy News leader.

I Want to Make You Move, Because You're Standing Still

OK. I feel better now. We got about 13 inches here Staurday night. Of snow, I mean. Ahem.

Speaking of which, remember when Tim Hardaway said he hates gay people? Of course, Hardaway is what psychologists call a "huge asshole" (c. Bill Mahr). George Takei, on the other hand, is a wonderfully forgiving human being.



It's true, I'm told.

Continuing the theme of butts and sex (c. Swiftee), the host of this party is a friend of mine. She has not, however, convinced me to stick anything up my ass. She may have won this guy over, though.

Your Let's Forget this Ever Happened leader.

You Don't Need a Weatherman to Know Which Way the Wind Blows

It was coming. The great winter storm of 2007. 12-18 inches in 2 days. Pandemonium was to reign. Kool-Aid Report had the warnings.

AVOID SLEDDING. SLEDDING HAS BEEN KNOWN TO CAUSE INJURY TO THE HEAD, NECK AND COXYX COCKSYX COXXYXX BUTT.

I love snow. I have today off of work, so I was going to sit back with some coffee, then later hot chocolate, then maybe a glass or two of McCallan 12 Year. Instead, got this:


All of a sudden, last night the predictions got changed from 8-12 inches (already down from earlier in the week) to 3-6 inches over 2 days. This is what fell over Friday night. (Note: the big red snowflake is just a window sticky thing, not an actual red snowflake, which would have made this a completely different post.)

I've heard it said that weathermen are wrong to often to trust them, but right too often to ignore them. They haven't been right at all this winter. There was a day they predicted 3 inches of snow, and no snow fell at all.

I'm ready to move to upstate New York, just so I can get some decent snow. Who's with me?

Your Pile It On leader.

The Slithy Toves Did Gyre and Gimble in the Wabe

Just attempting to avoid the Vorpal Sword here.

No one explained this quote meme thing, so I'll just throw some quotes out. Expect not the profound, and then maybe you won't be disappointed. Maybe.

1. "I'm sick or running away. Did Braveheart run away? Did Payback run away?" - Homer Simpson (To Mel Gibson)

2. "Belief is the death of intelligence. As soon as one believes a doctrine of any sort, or assumes certitude, one stops thinking about that aspect of existence." - Robert Anton Wilson

3. "Just enough knowledge to know I don't know anything." - Harvey Danger, "Radio Silence"

4. "When I read about the dangers of drinking, I gave up reading." - W. C. Fields

5. “I would never do crack ... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?” - Denis Leary

Whom shall I tag. Hmmm, OK - LappDogg, T.K, Smartie, Brian, DAV

Of course, I don't threaten others with possible beheading (pending a confirmed critical hit), so feel free to ignore me.

Your Did He Just Say That? leader.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

What will the fetuses-before-people crowd think of next? Oh; this.

Legislation introduced in Tennessee would require death certificates for aborted fetuses, which likely would create public records identifying women who have abortions.

Will spontaneous abortions (read: miscarriages) be included in this. Or does it not count when "god" kills a baby? Are we going to give a Social Security number as soon as a woman is known to be pregnant? How about letting kids who are 20 years and 3 months old drink? We need to credit them for those 9 months in the womb, after all.

I don't imagine there's much chance we can give the pregnant women medical care to take care of those little unborn lives.

The last part of the quote is the key. It will "expose" women who have had abortions. Because they are evil and need to be shown for the harlots they are.

Abortion is a medical procedure that is covered by data privacy rights. This is a bad attempt to get around this. Republicans still value privacy, right? Oh; right.

In lighter news, our urinal cakes are becoming sentient. Not really, but I guess it's a good message.

Your Pissing in the Wind leader.

Oooh Oooh Child, Things Are Gonna Get Easier

12/28/03

Never forget.



c. Paul Allen

Your NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! leader.

DiscordianStooge Will Crush You Where You Stand!!!!

I must point out that my highest super-villain score is only 64%. But I like the ring of "Dr. Doom."
Your results:
You are Dr. Doom

Dr. Doom 62% Lex Luthor 54% Apocalypse 54% Magneto 52% The Joker 46% Juggernaut 46% Poison Ivy 41% Venom 38% Mr. Freeze 37% Dark Phoenix 35% Kingpin 35% Riddler 33% Mystique 26% Catwoman 23% Green Goblin 22% Two-Face 18%

Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity.

Click here to take the "Which Super Villain are you?" quiz...

Supersonic Overdrive

Congratulations Colts! Way to cover the spread.

It was Prince, the Purple One himself, who is drawing my ire. Not because of his phallic guitar. Because despite his prolific career of music, he managed to play songs by CCR and The Foo Fighters. The guy has a music library of his own bigger than my dick. He couldn't have trotted out "Erotic City" for The Affiliate and me? It was mediocre, but I guess it didn't totally suck, like most half-time shows.

The commercials, on the other hand, were terrible. Nothing really funny at all. I think the talking turtle made me chuckle a little. What a disappointment.

I was listening to Drudge on the radio (yeah, I don't know why either), and a guy called up all happy because the fans at the Super Bowl were booing Muhsein Muhammad, because "he has a Muslim last name." Now, I always thought Drudge was the guy who dug under the surface for the truth. Of course, this man who knows so much didn't realize they weren't saying "Boo!" they were saying "Boo-urns!" Wait, they were saying, "Moooo-vers!" Seriously, the guys first name is pronounced "Moose-in," and the Bears fans yell "MOOOOOSE!" when he makes a catch. Kind of like when Pooh Richardson played for the Wolves.

Anyway, when the game is the most exciting part of the Super Bowl, it's a sad night.

Your Not So Super leader.

Ice on My Fingers and My Toes

("Aqua Teen Hunger Force Theme")

The cold has come. -9 degrees F isn't so bad. That's negative 9, by the way. Fahrenheit (The one that doesn't make any basic sense, but is more accurate than Celcius). It's better than 100 degrees and sunny. One can always put more clothes on, but one can only take so much off before being arrested. Or so totally sunburned as to wish you had been. Anyway, the cold keeps out the riff-raff.

I'm Traumatized! Our brave astro-men will defeat the evil Mooninites and their 7,000 dimensions. Already, the enemy has used its Foreigner belt to make Minnesota "Cold as Ice."


(pic via Fecke as well)

When I first heard this story, they said an Adult Swim cartoon had caused a terror alert in Boston. I immediately said "Must be 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force,'", to which my trainer said "Huh," having never heard of "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." But I knew deep down that I was right. And I was.

The definition of integrity.

Apparently eagles are getting starved for attention.

Finally, here's your chance to learn something you should already know.

Your Cryogenic leader.

Me and the Eagle Are Of the Same Mind

Get ready to read about the greatest occurance ever. No, wait, that's not enough build up. OK. If cancer were cured tomorrow, this would still be the coolest thing that happened this week.

"This is the story of the overly ambitious eagle who evidently found a deer head in the landfill."

Un-freaking-believeable. Seeing that story made having to watch Fox News for 20 minutes bearable.

Your I Stole That Line From a CBS Sitcom leader.

Most Motherfuckers Wouldn't Give A Damn

My blogroll has been partly cleansed. Kevin-M promised to return one day, so even if he hasn't posted since October, I must await his glorious return.

My newest member is a militant Aussie atheist named Beep Beep. From the intro:

I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Like Arthur Dent from "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", if you do not have a Babel Fish in your ear this blog will be completely unintelligible to you and will read something like this: "boggle, google, snoggle, slurp, slurp, dingleberry to the power of 10". Fortunately, those who have had the Babel Fish inserted in their ear, will understood this blog perfectly.

My Babel Fish is a Mark VI. Awesome. Her latest post is a history of circumcision, which, refreshingly, makes no argument for or against it. Very interesting.

Of course, I have done some digging of my own. It seems rush limbaugh (he doesn't get his name capitalized anymore) has been insulting our troops overseas. At least the female portion.

The liberals did indeed bandy about, bang on the drums for women in combat. Now anyone with, it just isn’t right. Whether they can do it or not, that’s not what a cultured civilized society does to its women, they just don’t do it.

Apparently a cultured society doesn't allow "its" women to make choices. They belong to us guys, after all. Cultured places like Saudi Arabia and Iran certainly don't let "their" women fight in wars, rush. Why don't you give a call and see if there's room for you on Radio Riyadh.

Anyway, I figured I'd check out the right-wing nutters who were so upset about John Kerry's botched joke that insulted our troops. I figured they would be calling for limbaugh's head, seeing how he just shit on the women fighting for our freedom.

Powerline took Kerry to task back then. Oddly, their latest post is still attacking John Kerry. Hmm. They'll get to rush on Monday, I bet.

Captain Ed, who, as far as I can tell, is neither a military officer nor a salseman for sweetened cereal, also went after Kerry in October. Nothing on el rushbo's insults, though. Maybe that 8 hour radio show got in the way.

Michelle Malkin (shudder) went there. Her latest post has a bunch of women; maybe it's in support of female troops. Let's see; Kate O'Bierne ... she represented military women, but, nope, never served. Mona Charen ... doesn't look like it. Kathryn Lopez (Who?). No idea. Laura Ingraham? OK, I'm desperately trying not to laugh. Anyway, no taking rush to task involved there.

I'm sure I could go on, but it's nearing 2 am, so I need to go watch some more of "The Shield" and take my brother's dog out so she doesn't poop in my house again.

Your Support All of the Troops leader.

It's Not My Time to Wonder Why

Are we sure this isn't Vox Day? No, it's Henry Makow, PhD. writing about how feminism is a gay plot. it's nothing we haven't heard before. My favorite line:

Men -- steer clear of any sexual relationship where you are not in charge.

This guy is advocating mass abstinance. Women are always in charge, unless you count rape. The sad thing is, I'm thinking this guy would. He also says Gloria Steinam was a CIA operative.

Checking out the site involved, SavetheMales, it's an anti-woman/ international conspiricy site. An odd combo, I know. They also seem to think that George Bush is a Satanist. OK, enough about these guys.

Now, since I don't know Michael Brodkorb's e-mail address or secret Republican phone number, I am breaking my own shocking story.

POWERLIBERALS ALCHOHOLIC SATANIST MUSLIMS

Robin Marty of Powerliberal and George Soros finger-puppet, admitted at a Drinking Liberally event that she often just drinks a whole bottle of wine without even realizing it. She also was overheard to say, "I'm pretty sure Al (Hussein X Franken) is my guy." The Wege was heard throughout the night to say, "I'm" ... "not feeling" ... "comfortable" ... "with her leadership." "Goatse."

Chilling news. Why isn't the liberal media covering this? Brodkorb, if you read this, I'm your inside guy.

Your Undercover leader.

Fists a'Blazin'

I didn't watch the President's speech tonight, nor have I read any reviews of it. That said, I'm betting he mentioned cutting our reliance on foreign oil. I only say this because he's said it in all of his other SOTUAs.

I've been moved to overnights, and I realize now why I don't like it. Nothing happens after 3:30am. At all. There aren't even people out driving around to bother. Anyway, get your headlights fixed if you're going to be driving around Minneapolis.

Have a good night.

Your Bad Sleeping Schedule leader.

I got a Swirly from the Pope

This seems like something being made up to make the Dems look bad, but I'm seeing it mentioned in too many places, and my usual sources on bullshit are silent on the matter.

Section 220 of S. 1, the lobbying reform bill before the Senate, would require grassroots causes, even bloggers, who communicate to 500 or more members of the public on policy matters, to register and report quarterly to Congress, as lobbyists are required. (Emphasis mine)

Seriously? People who speak to the public must report? Please, friends, explain the point behind this. I'm willing to accept that this isn't the blatant attack on the 1st Amendment that on the face of it it appears to be, but it will take some convincing. Get to work.

Luckily I have only had 647 visitors since August, so I'm in no danger from Congress. At least not for this blog.

Somehow, I didn't forsee that using song lyrics as my post titles would bring more visitors looking for the songs. I certainly didn't think I would list first on Google for a certain Muse lyric ("No one's gonna take me alive" from "Knights of Cydonia") that brought 25 people here this week. I'm still up there for Kristin Stinar searches too, but, alas, I have no further information on her.

I need to clean up my act. Incidently, the title for this post is c Jim Gaffigan.

I'm moving to dog-watch Monday. I also only work 6 of the next 20 days. A trick of scheduling has left me with too much free time and 2 weekends off in a row. Life is good for now.

Until Congress comes for me.

Your Time Off leader.

Post: Fuck it- I've been trying to edit the font on this post for 20 minutes. It got fucked up and will not allow itself to be fixed. You win this time, Blogger.

The Sidewinder Sleeps On His Back

R.E.M. is a 2007 inductee into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I don't normally care much for music awards, but I still congratulate the Michaels, Peter and Bill.

Also, the best show on basic cable is coming back soon:



What a neat day for me. Not so good for Right-wing bloggers.

Your End of the World As We Know It leader.

Bang on the Drum All Day

OK. I have 4 days off. If anyone wants to do something before Friday, let me know.

If I don't find something to do. I may spend 96 hours playing Civilization IV: Warlords. That would not be good for anyone, especially me.

Your Not that Bored leader.

Update: Mitch used the same song as in my title in an even more contentless post than mine today. I'd like to think we posted them at the exact same time.

Thanks for the Memories

Machiavelli would be proud. The Right would like to poo-poo our former connections to Hussein (may he rest in flame and pineapples up his ass), but I'm more worried about which future despot we're propping up right now. (Thanks to Dad for the link)

Kites may fly in Pakistan again. Hopefully they aren't attatched to nukes.

A TV evangelist sued for lying? That's like suing a bear for shitting in the woods. Or the Pope for shitting in the woods. I can never remember which.

This is the best quote:

(The evangelist) says in a book that Mr Perry was cured of his cancer, without mentioning that he died of it 18 months ago, it adds.

He died of completely unrelated causes. It was god's will, you know.

Listen. Prayer doesn't heal anything. There are studies that show that prayer is actually worse than not praying at all. Faith is no excuse for stupidity.

Your Easing Into the New Year leader.

No One's Gonna Take Me Alive!

Note: Since searching for "No one's gonna take me alive" on Goolgle is bringing a lot of people here, I'm assuming you're looking for the song "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse. You're welcome. Now you can check out my blog.

Glen Mason got fired. Is this why? It couldn't be that the Minnesota football Gophers barely beat North Dakota State. Or that Mason went 5-26 against top 25 teams.

At least the Vikings can look forward to ... Um, the Wild are on a ... errm ... The Swarm starts its season on the 13th. Go Swarm!

It finally snowed a significant amount. On New Year's Eve. While I was working. It was fun.

Your Have A Prosperous New Year leader.

There Will Be No Encore

Just a quick shout-out to LappDogg, who has moved over from LiveJournal. He tried to do it stealthily, but I made my spot check. Now he has to explain the web address. What's a Tosscobble? Unless he's been throwing paving stones lately.

I got Rome through Netflix. What a great show. It follows the rise of Gaius Julius Caesar and those around him, including two common soldiers. The DVDs are great because there's a pop-up feature that gives background about what's going on and the political ramifications of the characters' actions. I've only watched 4 episodes, and I'm hooked.

Sadly, Gerald Ford died. He was a great man, inventing the automobile and all that. Ha. Seriously, though, I hear he liked watching football and drinking beer. And also nachos.

Your It's a Simpsons Reference, Not Disrespect leader.

Merry Christmas! (Please Don't Shoot)

Well, the War Against Christmas is almost over for another year. And while I hate to keep using tactics of the Right, they are just so good. Like pointing out Americans may use a little torture, but in Iraq they just cut people's heads off, so there's nothing wrong with us. Think there's a War on Christmas here in America? Well you can sell a Christmas tree here without the threat of being blown up. Yeah, you American Christians are really oppressed here.

Here's a cute picture of the Hillock.



That was right before a visit from Santa Cthulu, who brings Unspeakable Horror and presents to children on Cephalopodmas Eve!



I hope everyone had an Eldritch Cephalopodmas, and has a Merry Christmas!

Your Tentacled Gift-Giver leader.

Hey, Miss Murder

Just in time for Christmas ...



He looks just like the lead singer of AFI. Or Robert Smith.

By the way, I graduated the Academy last week. I've already gotten into a slow speed chase. Life is good.

Just so you know, Keith Ellison was born in Michigan. I'm no fan of Islam, or any religion for that matter. I just wish people would realize the hypocrisy in calling for people to conform to "American Values," when the 1st American Value is freedom. To steal a page from the right-wing handbook, if you don't like immigration, feel free to leave America and find yourself a country that doesn't let in outsiders.

Oh, the irony hurts so bad!

Continuing the War on Christmas, Fecke tells us the real reason for the season. Does everyone have their Saturnalia orgy planned? If so, shoot me an invite, bitte.

Technically, the Vikings aren't eliminated from the playoffs. Technically, I could one day be President. Good luck to both of us.

Your Hail to the Chimp leader.

Life On Death Mountain

It's not as fun as you might think.

Scroll down to the Death Mountain bit. It won't make you gay like soy.

Hate; Give 'Em What they Want

Since I like torturing myself, I listen to AM1280 The Patriot a lot. Michael Medved is a favorite of mine, since he's a movie critic who isn't told to shut up on issues outside of his professional purview like those whose work he critiques are. Anyway, he was discussing which political candidates for President scare him the most. Al Gore, whom he called "deranged" was his pick, but he also mentioned Barack Obama.

Apparently, Obama's middle name is Hussein. It's a fact that Medved brought up as a "revelation" to Americans. Medved added that people knowing that Obama's middle name is the same as a former Iraqi dictator wouldn't really affect anything. He then managed to mention Barack "Hussein" Obama at least twice more in casual conversation.

Quick; what are the middle names of your senators?

Medved knows that tying Obama to Sadaam Hussein, even if it's only by name, will cause a part of the population to rethink voting for the man. He knows this, and that's why he mentioned Obama's middle name several times for no obvious reason. But that's right-wing radio. Make your opponent look bad by playing on the fears of Americans, and then claim that it's really "The Left" who thinks poorly of America.

Your NMN leader.

Let the Battle Begin

It's time again to ramp up the War on Christmas. Here are your marching orders.

It's too cold for anything else.

Your Shivering leader.

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

OK. So, my last post was about tasering. Since then, I have been clocked while engaging in the Sweet Science. I also was tear-gassed. I love my job.

Of all I've been through in the Academy, if I were forced to pick one to do again, it would be the taser by a long shot. I'd take that over some of the PT we had to do, for that matter. The tear-gas wasn't terrible, but it really sucks for about 2 minutes, until you can get some fresh air and catch your breath. Mind you, we were in an enclosed trailer and had to take off our masks. I imagine it's a little more bearable in an open area. Still not my idea of a fun Saturday night, though.

I graduate in 8 days, and I couldn't be happier.

Actually, I could be happier, had I never seen this:




Yes - That is indeed 2 Caribou Coffee stores right next to each other. It's up in C**n Rapids (P.C. Police Note: We don't like the name of that city. You have been edited and warned!!!) To be fair, there was an old store there, and it's expanding. This is how I picture Seattle, except with Starbucks instead.

Unfortunately, I may not make it back to Drinking Liberally for a while, so if any of you read this, I've not abandoned you. I'm just stuck working Thursday nights for a while. I'll get back as soon as possible.

Your *Cough* Cough* *Hack* leader.

She Dropped Her Shoes When She Fell Down

UCLA Cops Gone Wild!

It just so happens that the day after Spotty sent me this video, I got tasered. (On a side note, Spotty, could you send me video of a guy getting ... oh, never mind). Getting tasered sucks. A lot. It doesn't hurt, though. It's like a full-body muscle spasm for 5 seconds. As soon as it's done. it's done. No residual effects outside of the continuing adrenaline rush. I'd "ride the buffalo" 100 times before choosing to get maced again.

Having said all of this, the cops up there were just wrong. For one, you can't stand up while being tasered. Telling someone to do so is just stupid. Tasers are to be used to incapacitate someone so the officers can take control, not to get someone to do something. Once the person is in custody, the taser is no longer neccessary. Luckily, tasers have the ability to record their use, so the officers got some 'splainin' to do.

This was misuse of a tool by officers. This should not be a demonization of the Taser. Tasers save lives by giving officers another option of force. Officers routinely use Tasers in deadly force situations. Often, a person tasered is a person not shot.

So again, getting tasered sucks. But it's a lot better than being shot. These cops did wrong, and should be held accountable.

Your Electricity leader.

Werewolves of Wisconsin

I saw a werewolf with a Leinenkugel's in his hand
Walking through the streets of Milwaukee in the rain
The best part is, the guy is pissed people are calling the creature "bigfoot," because it had canine features, and we all know that Bigfoot is more primate looking. Ahhh-ooooo!

It's no wonder people think the American court system is messed up. This guy had sex with a deer carcass. Now his lawer is arguing that he can't be charged with bestiality because an animal is defined as a living thing. Which is absolutely true. The charges against Mr. Hathaway should be dropped. Then the statute should be rewritten so I don't have to worry about people having sex with roast turkey with impunity. It's sad, you know. I'd never worried about that before.

Notice that both of the above stories involve Wisconsin and deer carcasses. I have nothing to add, just take notice.

Your Don't Wanna Think About It leader.

Why'd You Call Me? Must Be Bad

Quick poll. Your choices are the a-cappella groups that take popular songs and re-make them in a-capella form, and the two-man singer/songwriter guitar playing Simon & Garfunkle wussie wannabees. (This does not apply to the actual Simon & Garfunkle, whose music I respect and admire.) The question is, which is more pretentious and annoying?

So everyone is excited about the Democrats taking control of the House and the Senate. Unfortunately, the Dems don't control the Senate. The Connecticut for Lieberman Party does. Let's hope that the Left Wing can keep him happy. Which seems to defeat the purpose, but that's politics.

I also want to take a moment to report that trust and human kindness still exist in McGregor, MN. I went to the gas station, and had filled up my car when I realized I didn't have my wallet. The clerk inside let me drive home and get it, and even refused to accept my rifle as collateral. The world isn't doomed.

For now.

Your Kindness of Strangers leader.

Time for the Bums to Leave

Did you?

And Now ... Endorsements!

I forgot to mention the dark side of hunting. I got very little sleep, and was forced to pee in an ice cream bucket like a common hobo. Also, I'd like to point out that the picture in the previous post is a stock photo and isn't actually me. After all, everyone knows that the real DiscordianStooge wears glasses.

On an unrelated note, I'm really enjoying the contact lenses I just got on Tuesday.

On to the endorsements, courtesy of the Discordian Church, Minnesota Stooge Synod.

Governor: Dr. Eldritch. In these trying times of ours, we need a strong leader with real answers. Especially to fake questions. Dr. Eldritch has the wisdom to lead, and the intelligence to solve the pressing problems of our time. Illegal immigration has gotten a lot of headlines, but only Dr. Eldritch has the know-how to deal with illegal extra-dimensional immigration, which, considering the growing wormhole near Mora, is a real concern. And as Lt. Governor, Trevor the Troll has promised to be tough on Level 3 sex offenders by devouring them whole. He also has a comprehensive E-85 plan.

Attorney General: Jack McCoy. "Hang-Em High" McCoy is the obvious choice to represent Minnesotans in court. As a New York City ADA, he has sent countless murderers to prison. Now is the time for us to put his skills to use fighting corporate greed or whatever it is the AG does.

Secretary of State: Pam Beesly. She can handle Michael Scott as a secretary at Dunder-Mifflin. That's enough for me.

State Auditor: http://qntm.org/destroy#current Not the guy who wrote it, but the actual web site should be auditor. Because who really cares?

U.S. Senate: Amy Klobuchar. Even if she does actually exist, I think she'd make a good senator and she didn't run a bunch of attack ads. Plus, Mark Kennedy really creeps me out.

That's it from here. I'm not weighing in on the House of Reps races because I'm tired and the joke was already too thin to begin with.

Vote on Tuesday. If you don't, Nahina will come for you, so keep plenty of kitties and pumpkins available.

Your Never Vote For A Winner leader.

Drop It Like It's Hot

The Minnesota Deer Hunting (Rifle) season started at 6:25 AM today. At 6:27AM I shot my first deer ever. At least I'm claiming it was a deer. It's about the size of my cat. In my defense, my cat is really fat. Anyway, I am just happy I was able to hit the thing. If you're an animal activist of some kind, it's not a real deer. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Your The Deer Hunter leader.

Listen At Your Own Amusement

T.D. Mischke is one of the great radio entertainers of any generation. He also doesn't belong on the air during daylight hours. Putting him against the Comman Man leaves me conflicted, since their styles are so similar.

I hope Mischke finds a way to make it work. (Thanks for the tip from Mitch)

Your Nightime is the Right Time leader.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part.

Ok. Here's the deal. I know I said I would have my endorsements tonight. Unfortunately, I had to run 6.2 miles today, and then go Drink liberally. I also have to clean my gun. SO I'll endorse sometime between trying to shoot Bambi this weekend. However, I have decided to reprint my endorsement from the 2004 presidential election, just to keep your mouths watering.

(Originally posted 10/21/2004)

Well, it's that time of year. Political spots have been wittled down to, "You're a poopy head." "Yeah, well you're a doody-pooty head!"

As a Discordian Stooge, I have decided on endorsing a candidate. George W. Bush has been putting in a lot of hard work, and John Kerry has a plan, but there is a candidate who is literally heads above the rest. And that candidate is Demogorgon.

Demogorgon will be strong on terrorism. Considering that at his "dread name the trembling Furies quake," and that he controls the armies of the netherworld, can it be long before the War on Terror (TM) is won? Also, rebuilding Iraq should be simple for a progenitor God whose power created all of the gods themselves. Other nations will bow before his might, making America popular in the world once again.

Also, being all-powerful, Demogorgon is not beholden to any special interests. Some might say that most special interests are, in fact, beholden to him. His health care plan involves drastically reducing costs by culling the sick and infirm, casting them into the depths of the Abyss, but of course sacrifices must be made by all of us.

Of course, one must look at the whole ticket. It has been said that Demogorgon chose Yog-Sothoth as his running mate mostly to shore up the Elder God vote, but this overlooks Yog-Sothoth's ability to literally build a gate to the future. And the the past as well. In fact, he is the gate. Sure, Dick Cheney may seem more presidential, but whom would you rather have in power if the President were to die? A man with a failing heart, an inexperienced Senator, or the "All-in-One and One-in-All of limitless being and self"?

Sure, the Demogorgon/Yog-Sothoth ticket is only on the ballot in 17 states. This should not stop us from voting for the best candidates. These beings have a vision for the future. Or visions of the future. Either way, they are the best hope for America.

You Decide.

I approbate this missve,
DS

You Miss a Beat, You Lose the Rythm

OK. I'm finally recovered from the Vikings-Patriots game. The Affiliate managed to conceal her glee that Tom Brady is her Fantasy football QB. She's still in last place. Serves her right.

Also, the Affiliate is on a 3-day hiatus from work, before starting her new job next week. She'll now be waking up at the same time as I. Oh, joy!

This should have been her Halloween costume. Scream in terror. It's Darth Amortize!!!!!!!


Striking fear into the hearts of children. Especially those dark and evil Buddhists. Just because their fairytale is different than yours doesn't mean you can't play nice. Quote: "I welcome the pressures because then we can put God's agenda on the forefront and actually have a dialogue about it," Comer said. Yes, condemning anyone who doesn't believe as you do is a great dialogue. I hereby state that anyone who believes that there is a God will end up in Candy-Unicorn-Puppydog land, no matter how many millions they steal, people they kill, or puppies they kick. (The puppy kickers are strongly urged not to enter the puppydog section of Candy-Unicorn-Puppydog Land) Non-believers will still be sent to nothing, which will continue to not bother them in the least.

But even scarier to kids, some men love other men! Look, if kids are smart enough to figure out step-siblings and 4 sets of grandparents, they can figure out Aunt Claire and Aunt Melanie living together. It's really not a big deal.

Tomorrow, the DiscordianStooge endorsements.

Your Darth Hello kitty leader.

Friday Fake Product Blog

For anyone who likes to drink liberally.

The Tick-Tock of the Clock is Painful

Kevin-M has broken into my mind and stolen my wedding plans. He wrote it better than I ever could, anyway.

How 'bout those Minnesota football Gophers. They pulled off thrilling 10-9 victory against the Bison of ... wait for it ... North Dakota State University. Were you to do a little research, you might notice that the Thundering Herd is a Division I-AA team. Which is a lot like the varsity team barely beating the JV squad. At this point, I'm assuming that Glen Mason has pictures of Joel Maturi in bed with a dead woman and a live boy, as well as several breeds of livestock and birds. How else Mason keeps his job eludes me.

Like LappDogg said, if the Gophers' line is less than 40 points next week, take your life savings, fly to Las Vegas and bet everything on #1 The Ohio State University. The Buckeyes will cover easily.

Your Underdog leader.

I Can't See Nothin' Round Here

Despite what the KQ morning show may say, I don't find Michelle Bachmann attractive. So I've decided not to embed this video.

She's a fool. That's not my opinon. She says it several times right in the speech. Now I'm not a fan of Patty Wetterling, and I wish she'd quit making stuff up about Bachmann (There are so many true things to attack), but for god's sake, we can't elect Bachmann. I'm begging you folks north and east of the metro to vote for someone else.

Speaking of campaign ads, KARE11 had a shocking expose last week: There are misleading attack ads being aired! Right during this very newscast!

A better use of those 4 minutes would have been to explain why the ads were misleading. A better idea might be to refuse to air ads that have demonstrable lies in them. But that doesn't make money now, does it? We need more outfits like FactCheck, especially at the local level. Truely non-partisan, they just take statements and ads and explain how they are misleading or right-out lies.

I wish I were bright enough to setsomethng like this up (or at least to have invented YouTube), but since I'm not, I'm just going to bitch a moan like a good Democrat.

Your Truth In Advertising leader.

We're Just Livin' This Way 'Cause We Know No Other

An unfortunate misunderstanding has left me stranded alone in McGregor, MN. It's just as well. I had planned on taking a week of vacation to come here to my folks place in January while they were on a cruise. That was before I got a new job, which leaves me unable to vacation this January. So I'll spend a night alone here in the cold. It's a really beautiful place, and I'm not at all bothered. Perhaps some links (and a glass of amaretto) will warm me up.

An as-of-yet unfinished documentry about The 101st Fighting Keyboards has surfaced. (via Fecke). If you know anything about the history of blogging, it's a must. Of course, if you're a member of the right-wing blog-o-sphere, you probably won't be amused.

Apparently Robert Anton Wilson, co-author of the Greatest Conspiricy Story Ever Told, is ill. Being the DiscordianStooge that I am, this vexes me. Being part Klingon, (on my mother's side) I say, "May he die well."

A literal war against drugs. (via Beckerman)

This is a break while I read more blogs so I can find stories to link to.

Nothing. OK, then, a video may be best for my drunken state.



I gave up on MadTV a long time ago. It was funny when it started, but quickly became a parody of itself, which is only funny if you've been on as long as Saturday Night Live (which unfortunately hasn't realized this). After seeing this, I'm thinking maybe I should try MadTV again.

Your Alone Up North leader.

If You Should Smile When You Hear My Name

OK. The Twins are done. That's OK. Really. I'm not at all depressed by their completely worthless play in the playoffs. Really. At least I've got Gopher foot... um the Vik... um, Gopher hock... damn it!!

I went out drinking with some of my new co-workers last night. I stuck around most of the night to see if anyone would be picking up a hottie for the night. Alas, they all failed. This was new for me, as I'm not the picking up women at bars type, nor are my friends. I used to pick up women at weddings.

The Affiliate has reminded me that the Wild have a chance not to suck this year. Go Hockey!

David Strom (Motto: "I must laugh as loud as possible at everything I say! HA HA HAW!") is back on The Patriot after a brief stint at another local station. Apparently it was cheaper for the Tax Evader's League to pay for a show on AM1280 than a Clear Channel station. Let's hope that 1280 is getting more cash than they were before Strom left to air his virtually unlistenable show. Could this be a ploy to make the Right-Wing Blogger Circle-jerk show sound even more professional?

Your Minnesota Sports leader.

We're Gonna Win Twins!

OK. The MLB season is over. Let's see how the predictions went.

Twins Win Division: 46 winners.
Tie Breakers: Correct Record: 15 winners.
Detroit Takes 2nd Place: 3 winners.

Final tie-breaker: When will the Twins clinch?

Hmm... "The Twins will drop 2 games before beating the White Sox. Meanwhile, Detroit will be swept, including blowing a 6 run lead in the final game to the worst team to ever play baseball, the Royals, and lose 10-8 in 12 innings."

Damn you, Bob from the Future.

Anyway, since the Vikings seem to not know what offense is (despite playing in an offensive manner), I'm going to revel in the Twins' supremacy for a while.

Also, I fell out of a tree trying to repair a hunting stand on Saturday. I'm OK, though. Not much else is going on. I'm just working and polishing boots and ironing a lot.

Check out "Standoff" on Fox when baseball playoff are over. It's pretty good.

See ya.

Your Falling leader.

Whiter Than Sour Cream

You think I ain't?

I Attack with My +3 Vorpal Blade

Your Nerd leader.

Tastes Like Burning!

If at all possible, avoid ever being Maced. Trust me here. it isn't pleasant. My face still hurts. And my eyes.



Stolen from Tild, who is more than happy to have it spread. She has other great bumper sicker designs to choose from.

"Murder suspects in Nigeria, where many people believe in black magic, sometimes claim spirits tricked them into killing." Change spirits to God, and we've got the same thing here in the U.S.

And my streak of voting for only one winning candidate continues. Yes, I helped elect Mark Dayton back in 2002, and look where that got me. I'm thinking of voting straight Repub ticket this year, to see if that works.

Your Freeze +P leader.

I Nicknamed Her "Stampy"

Apparently VP Cheney admitted Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. I imagine the right-wing blogosphere will now start calling him a traitor or a dirty liberal or French.

I attended the MOB Get-Together at Keegan's last night. I had some fun, at least until the conversation turned to Rush. I'm not the type who is good at meeting new people, so I have a hard time at large gatherings where I know nobody. Luckily Rew and Smartie were there to keep me company. Also, I met LearnedFoot, who is as funny as his writing would imply (even if he did bring up Rush).

Today was even cooler. I got to ride an elephant!!!!!!

That's the Affiliate and me on the elephant.

My love of elephants is evident to anyone who has seen the dozen or so elephant statues around my house. This was my first ride on an elephant, and it was awesome, even if it only lasted 8 minutes.

We were at the Renaissance Festival, which is as geeky as it sounds. But we had a good time. Even Puke & Snot were funnier than I remember them being. And I ate a giant turkey leg.

Here's the Affiliate and her friend with their newly braided hair.




So that was my weekend. Hope yours went well.

Your Hannibal leader.

I Love to Run

Not really, but I have to pretend for the next 3 months or so.

By the way, I got a new job. That's all I really care to say.

I also found out that my old D.A.R.E. Officer is running for Washington County Sheriff. If you live in the far East Metro, check out William Hutton. I worked with him for a short time at the Oakdale P.D., and he is a good man and a great peace officer. He'd make a great sheriff.

That's my only endorsement until after the primary. Be sure to vote on the 12th!

I'll be posting light for a while. I should still be making Drinking Liberally, so if you go there, you can talk to me. For whatever that's worth.

Your Running Man leader.

All Whacked on the Scooby Snacks

Anti-depressants: Side effects may include dry mouth, dizziness and jewelry store robbery.

I was interviewed by this guy for my job. I don't think I'm in trouble, since I mentioned I was engaged.

I wonder what he'd think of this: (Click on the Image to see it better)





(via Pharyngula)



Your Not Gay, nor Depressed leader.

Vampire Free for Several Months

I'd like to apologize for posting late at night. I'll try not to do it ever again.

I have a link to a new web comic, Ask Dr. Eldritch, which is a weird as the name implies (There's a horny troll, and a horny robot, and a horny interdimensional monster hunter ... you get the idea), but I'd ask you to also check out the main page which links to Dr. Eldritch's day job; advice columnist for those who are beset by ghosts, vampires, goblins and other para-normal, super- or preter-natural problems. Really an invaluable resource, wouldn't you agree?

Usually, school principals are snivelling bald piles of goo, but this one decided to have some balls. I may not agree with dress codes, but if you have one, it had better be enforced.

I don't know if Spotty's dealt with her yet, but Katie has made an incredible discovery; Family vacations are good stuff! She (of course) derides that a study was done on the subject by calling it common sense, but that makes me wonder, Is it really better to write a column about a study than to release the study to begin with? But remember, it's only a real "family" vacation if the parents are a married man and woman. Everything else is detrimental to society, no matter how much fun you think you're having.

Your Pull Up Your Pants leader.

Late ... So Late ...

For some reason I agreed to work an overnight shift at work, with only a week to go. I guess it was so I could go to the Fair earlier, as well as a couple of weddings tomorrow. And because I'm stupid.

I'm thinking that if I mention Kristin Stinar here again, I'll be the first link in Google when someone decides to search for "kristin stinar blogs" again in the future. (Update 8/30/06: Yep, I am)


Hi, person searching for "kristin stinar blogs." Look around. Drop me an e-mail. If you actually are Kristin Stinar, stroking your ego by googling for yourself (as we all often do), I'm sorry to tell you that no matter how smokin' hot you are, I am engaged to be married. And a lot of your work is sensationalist bull-flop.

Enough of that.

I recently took a certain psychological test for a job with a certain police department. While all of these tests have outrageously wierd questions ("Do you ever hear voices while alone in the dark?" Of course not. Only when I am in indirect sunlight), I was surprised by one of them in particular.

The question was true-false: "A woman's place is in the home." I will add that of the 12 people in the room, 5 of them were women. Now, this question struck me as inherently sexist, considering that it is self-evident that no woman applying for a job believes that her place is in the home. Therefore the question was not meant for women, which means that this test for police officers assumed that no women would be taking it. Now, I don't see sexism everywhere, but let no one assault my feminist credentials completely.

Because I can never pass up a good googlebombing, here's a link to a debunking ofThe Politically Incorrect Guide to Darwinism and Intelligent Design by one Jonathan Wells. I'm always willing to help out a good cause.

Finally, I'm planning to put up some of my old writings from various places here, to save them for myself, because I find them amusing. I'll clearly mark them as old, and put the date I originally wrote them. enjoy.

Your Not That Crazy leader.

A Beautiful Faire (Plus Thursday Monkey Blogging)

Today if the first day of the Minnesota State Fair, which leads to some of the best Common Man bits outside of Vikings losses. I love live, on-location radio. I'll be there tomorrow.

Finally, the FDA has approved Plan B. Mostly. Anyway, anyone interested in spreading the news should check out the T-Shirts being sold by Bitch Ph.D.

Damn you, astronomy lobby! I was hoping to have a great line for my kids, and now they will have to do with fewer planets. Also, Dwarf Planet is offensive. "Little Person" planet, please!

And though it's against my nature, here's a cute story about Tiny Monkeys. Also, this will be the only Thursday Monkey Blogging I'll be doing. I'll find another Day Blogging to do next time.

Your Random Update leader.

"All Your Snakes Are Belong to Us"

I like snakes.

They Make Take Our Swords....

Hi.

I'm ambivalent on the banning of guns. But this is just ridiculous.

They are certainly among the range of weapons that are used by people. This reduces their availability except for legitimate reasons. I think if it saves one life or permanent disfigurement it is worthwhile. - RUDI CRAWFORD, A & E CONSULTANT

I must say however, they are allowing swords to be kept for "religious, cultural or sporting purposes," which means that the country will be overrun with sword wielding, permanently disfigured Presbyterians and Druids. A result which I am neither strongly for nor against.

For Ollie Ox, and the rest of you who may be college professors or teachers, here's a primer on how to plagiarize. But not really. The comments include more tips, as well as an argument as to whether the statement "The only people allowed to use the word “colour” are those with Indian surnames" is discriminatory. To which the author answers yes, "because I am an evil imperialist pig and consumed by dark forces."

Aren't we all. (via Millard Fillmore's Bathtub)

Finally, for those of you who fear Big Brother, stay out of the library. First things first: I work at the library, but I do not speak for the library.

Now, I met the smokin' hot Kristin Stinar when she came in, and she's even more smokin' hot in person. This doesn't excuse the fact that the majority of our bathrooms have no cameras, not "a few" a she said. I'd also like to ask her if people might feel "uncomfortable" being secretly filmed by, oh, I don't know, an investigative news team.

I agree that signs indicating surveillance are a good idea, if for nothing more than a deterrent. I just wish we could have shown the video of a homeless guy washing his feet in the sink. It's stuff like that we're able to stop with cameras.

Your Braveheart leader.

Minnesota Sports

The pre-season is about to begin. Of course I'm talking about football. (Or as the Affiliate would say, foobaw!!!) Not to mention that the Twins are in an exciting wild-card race (yes, I just said that).

We'll see how the Vikes are this year. I know all the negativity in this town sucks, but I'll put them at 9-7, with a shot at the playoffs in the dismal NFC Nort'.

Oh, and, um, bad DFL! Endorsement not good idea. Luther and Swanson not able off ballot. Let primary voter decide. Now too late for Kelley. No endorsed candidate ever win.

Sorry. I'm not up for intelligent political analysis after the Affiliate's family reunion.

Your Purple leader.

The End of an Era?

Well, I don't know much about Ned Lamont or Joe Lieberman, but from what I hear about Connecticut, I may move there. (Link is not work safe)

Anyway, I'm really here to mention that the Affiliate and I are now engaged. My plans for a grand romantic proposal were thrown to the wind, but I did surprise the hell out of her, so I'll take that as a win.

We're not actually getting married for a while, but go ahead and write down 6/7/08 on a piece of paper, so that when you get a 2008 calendar, you can save the date.

Here's a pic.



Aren't we just so cute!!!!!

Your Nice Knowin' Ya leader.

Wrong Again, Liberal Media

A Truthful Voice has something to say. His name is putatively George McClure.

The mainstream media in this country are dominated by liberals.

I was informed of this fact by Rush Limbaugh. And Thomas Sowell. And Ann Coulter. And Rich Lowry. And Bill O'Reilly. And William Safire. And Robert Novak. And William F. Buckley, Jr. And George Will.

Of course it's true. Because the Right has no control over the media. They especially don't own any of them. Oh, wait:

Just for the sake of argument, let's assume that the media in America really are predominantly recalcitrant leftists. Say you're a conservative media mogul named Rupert and you have the wherewithal to do something about it. Here are three paths you might take:

1. You could announce your belief that the reporting of news is always subjective and therefore biased, so you are going to start a news network that comes at things from your own perspective in order to balance out what you perceive to be the bias of the left.

2. You could set up your own news network that actually is fair and balanced.

3. You could set up your own news network that's consistently and demonstrably partisan, but call yourself fair and balanced

The whole thing is a decent read.

True Love

I'm pretty sure the Affiliate and I have had this exact conversation.

Quiz Failure, Yet Again

Damn those Gear Daddies!

I tried. I really tried. And yet, the "5 Stooges" were unable to break the top 50% at the MNSpeak Pub Quiz. Just to pimp, we had rew, Noah, Soren and some guy named Just Plain Bob, plus me, your friendly neighborhood DiscordianStooge. My biggest contribution was recognizing "Hands Open" by Snow Patrol, although I did name Dylan's "It Ain't Me Babe" in 2 notes.

We were the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked.

Also, I almost went over the line with my snark. When the quizmaster told us he was done making Israel/Lebanon jokes, I added that it was because they bombed.

Your Quiz not-leader.