Put The Fake Goatee On

So last night The Hillock threw up all of his food and then started wobbling around the kitchen. After he walked into the wall, we realized he was having a bigger problem, so we gave him something to eat. For the first time ever, he wouldn't eat. Then he fell down.

After a quick consultation with Dr. SIL, we rushed him to an emergency all-night vet. (I wanted to just give him Skittles, but she said no.) He peed on The Affiliate on the way there. It turns out his blood sugar was 33. At around 30 seizures and coma set in.

Well, the doctors got his sugar up, and wanted him to stay all night. We love The Hillock, but $1,000 is a lot to spend on an old diabetic cat. We decided to take the chance bringing him home and keeping an eye on him.

I had to feed him every 1/2 hour. For the first time in a while, he didn't eat every scrap of food put out for him and beg for more. I think even he was saying, "Seriously, I'm not hungry anymore." But he made it through the night.

The vet today said he'll be fine, and has been getting too much insulin. He was actually feistier than he's been in a while when I picked him up.

Anyway, we discovered that limit of what we'll pay to save our pet. At least one as old and sick as The Hillock. But I don't think it will be an issue for a while.

In other news ...

Have you ever seen anything this horrific? Well, it may look worse than this guy, but I fear the bee much more.

This is something.

This is not.

And it is not November ... yet.

Your Nothing leader.

Attention!

No posts today.

That is all.

I'm In Love With Someone That Doesn't Exist

So, after I found out I was obese, I started working out more. My biggest problem with working out has always been boredom. I can't just run for 30 minutes with nothing going on. Even music doesn't do it for me. So luckily I found some podcasts to help me out.

The best is 7 Corners Podcast. It's done by some local service employees (They work at Bullwinkle's and The Corner Bar, thus the 7 Corners name) and a stand-up comic, one of whom is a friend of a co-worker of mine. The premise is simple; 3 or 4 guys sit around drinking and talking about stuff. It's pretty damn funny. The most recent episode involved lying as a party game, Ron Jeremy and the names of strange sex positions (which was also the subject of this week's "How I Met Your Mother"). Their standard fallback is the **DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK!!!!** chocolate waffle. (I told you not to click it.) Anyway, it's a good time, and if the chocolate waffle didn't make you run screaming, I'd check out the show.

I've also been listening to the Savage Lovecast, and the local Atheist Talk radio show. The Lovecast is no "Loveline" in Adam Carolla's day, but it's better than Dr. Joy Browne. So far, the Atheist Talk has had good topics, but I can see it being hit-or-miss.

Anyway, I really just wanted to give Tommy's podcast a plug. And I did.

Back to The Pitt.

Your Hanging Corn Screamer leader.

Secret Destroyers Hold You Up To The Flames

I didn't fill out an NCAA basketball bracket. This is because I don't follow college basketball and end up picking the local teams or the funniest team names. My Final Four ends up being Minnesota, Ball State, Gonzaga, and Morehead State. The fact that Ball State isn't even in the tournament this year wouldn't play into my picks at all.

So I cheered for the Gophers, and now I'm back to playing a villain in Fallout 3. I totally blew up a nuclear bomb that happened to be the hub for a small city. Mua ha ha HA!

In space, no one can hear you scream, "Hey! You're putting that together wrong!"

On a more somber note, , 3 cops were killed in Oakland. Let's keep them in our thoughts today. Oh, and if you want to make a Sarah Jane Olson joke in regards to this; fuck you.

Seriously.

Your Please Donate leader.

My Time Is A Piece Of Wax

Go Gophers hockey team.

That is all.

I Don't Have Any Messages

This video is because the weather is great and I have a few days off.



On a side note, I have it on good authority that you should not let Jonathan Coulton take care of your cats.

Your Beautiful Day leader.

Ron Silver R.I.P. (1946-2009)

He died of cancer. I didn't know he had cancer.

Apparently he went from political Lefty to Centery. Which is interesting, because I best knew him as Bruno Gianelli on "The West Wing," where he went from supporting the liberal democrat in one election to supporting the liberal republican in the next.

I don't know a lot of his work, but I was a fan of his work on "Wing," and that means a lot in my book.

Here's a great quote from Bruno Gianelli (probably written by Aaron Sorkin):

... I'm tired of working for candidates who make me think that I should be embarrassed to believe what I believe, Sam! I'm tired of getting them elected! We all need some therapy, because somebody came along and said, "'Liberal' means soft on crime, soft on drugs, soft on Communism, soft on defense, and we're gonna tax you back to the Stone Age because people shouldn't have to go to work if they don't want to!" And instead of saying, "Well, excuse me, you right-wing, reactionary, xenophobic, homophobic, anti-education, anti-choice, pro-gun, Leave It To Beaver trip back to the Fifties...!", we cowered in the corner, and said, "Please. Don't. Hurt. Me." No more. I really don't care who's right, who's wrong. We're both right. We're both wrong. Let's have two parties, huh? What do you say?

Next To This Mole See The Gaping Hole

UPDATE: Gophers get 10 seed in the East. Way to go, Tubby!

Mischke's back!

Sure, it's a web-stream, but hopefully soon it'll be podcasted so I can download it and listen at work.

Between Dan Savage and now Mischke, City Pages is keeping life interesting. I can forgive losing Tom Tomorrow for now.

Today is just beautiful. I actually opened the windows because I was hot. Awesome.

Not so awesome. First off, if you're contractually obligated to pay a bonus, doesn't that make it just a salary? Secondly, are 400 people really going to jump ship in this economy because they didn't get a bonus? How do you find a new job? "Yes, I caused my last company to be bought out by the U.S. government, and then I left because they didn't reward me for destroying the company. I'm looking for $2.5 million a year and guaranteed bonuses." Finally, if these are the best out there, how does any business survive? Maybe AIG should look into people at businesses that didn't die to replace these folks.

I haven't decided how I feel about this group. I may have to pop in and see just how serious they are. A zombie apocalypse plan for the U of M is a good idea, but it had better be solid.

Go Gophers.

Your On The Bubble leader.

Don't Know What It's About, But It's Good To Go

So, first my X-Box died. Then my laptop went dark. Both of those situations have been resolved. But tonight, as I was stopped at a red light in my squad car, something else happened.

See, we have cameras in our cars. And there are microphones we wear so there's sound when we're outside of the car on a traffic stop. The mic looks like a large pager. It sits in a battery charger next to the passenger seat.

Well, as I was stopped at the light, I heard a loud pop, and the next thing I saw was something on fire in the passenger seat. The microphone had fucking exploded! Which isn't good. Luckily the burning battery was sitting on my clipboard, so I was able to get it outside of the car and stomp the fire out. Also, luckily, there was no one in the passenger seat.

My point here is that I think electronics are out to get me. Or maybe I'm developing the superpower ability to manipulate electricity, like Black Lightning or Kristen Bell, and I just need to learn to control it. You know, I used to call Chris Walsh "Caucasian Lightning," but I think I could take up that moniker. Or, if the burning battery gave me abilities, I could be Ni-Cad Man.

Actually, now that I think of it, sitting next to a burning battery probably was not the best thing for me. Unless it actually did give me powers.

Fingers crossed!

Your More Powerful Than Superman, Batman, Spiderman and the Incredible Hulk Put Together leader.

Under the Sea

Well, I'm back from my cruise. While the weather wasn't perfect, it was better than in Minnesota, so I can't complain.

The last night was the only one that wasn't cloudy, so here's a beautiful Caribbean sunset and two Minnesotans who hadn't seen the sun in 5 months. (Yes, I'm wearing a festive shirt. Deal with it.)

I got The Affiliate an underwater camera for X-mas. This is what it can do.


Which was really cool, because after a day snorkling like any old chump, we got to go scuba diving.
That's me breathing underwater! Like Aquaman, but less lame.

"I just saw a fish this big!"

This guy wasn't interested in a photo ...


but this couple posed quickly for me.


Seriously, with friends like these ...


yeah, I'm not going to finish that one. (Sure I am - Who needs anemones?)

The highlight of the dive (and possibly of the trip) was the swim-by of this turtle, whom I named Señor Tortuga.


He was simply defending his 'hood coral.



Seriously, we're breathing underwater! How fucking cool is that? Apparently in the U.S. you have to have "certification" and "training" to scuba dive. Not in St. Maarten/Martin. We came out OK, so it turned out to be a great day.

I'll have some more when I figure out which pics are from where.

Your Fun in the Sun leader.

The Time Has Come Today

OK. No X-Box, and time off work, and possible delirium from fever = Posting!

Clearly, this was never in question, but it's always nice to have things confirmed in an obviously scientifically correct online poll.

Your morality is 0% in line with that of the bible.

Damn you heathen! Your book learnin' has done warped your mind. You shall not be invited next time I sacrifice a goat.

Do You Have Biblical Morals?
Take More Quizzes

(via PZ)

It was once that students would gather together to protest injustice with aplomb and zeal. They were willing to give up everything for what they thought was right. Yeah, things have changed.
(Thanks to Marty for the link)

"We need to collectively decide how to proceed." I'm pretty sure the administration already "collectively decided" to end your bullshit.
"Excuse me, you can't come in here." Well, that worked.
"You are on camera. You may not detain us." What does that even mean? You'll be detained if you need to be, camera or no.
"As long as they don't have devices of force." Lucky kid. This guy would have pissed himself if there was a gun in the room.

This isn't revolution. This is kids with too much time on their hands and no understanding of the real world. These punks aren't willing to give up anything. Their number one demand was amnesty for their little protest. People used to be willing to go to jail for their beliefs. Not any more, apparently.

I actually like the tough guys calling people "snakes" and "rats." I wish one of them have tried to show the security guard what people do to "fucking snakes." The camera man would probably have started crying because there was "non-peaceful activity." Also the little anarcho-wannabe tough guy would have gotten his dreadlocks torn out. Seriously, they are lucky NYPD wasn't called in.

I know some leftist revolutionary types. They aren't scared of "devices of force." They wouldn't try to politely discuss issues. I can have respect for someone willing to fight for their cause and take the consequences. These dumb-asses at NYU are an embarrassment to their school and to revolutionaries everywhere.

To quote Bart Simpson; "We another Vietnam to thin out their ranks." And to get some real protests.

Your Show Some Backbone leader.

P.S. I saw some video of the beginning of the sit-in, and, oh, Christ, they're playing "Time Warp" from Rocky Horror Picture Show. If I ever meet an NYU student, I'm punching him or her right in the face.

I Declare I Don't Care No More

Remember the "Red Ring Of Death?" It was an issue before I got my X-Box 360, and was supposedly cleared up. Except it wasn't, because I'm waiting for a shipping box so I can send in my game system to be repaired. Excuse me for a moment while I let this out ...

MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, I feel a little better now. Wait. I've got something coming on. Here, watch this video while I go I the other room.



(God-damn bullshit cocksucker shit fucker son of a BITCH mittens!)

All right, I'm back in the room.

Did I mention I'm getting sick? Again? I'm trying the herbal tea/whiskey remedy. Of course, I don't have any herbal tea, but that's not really the point.

Oh, and some more good news. According to this thing, I'm obese. Now, I'll admit I'm not the pinnacle of human physical perfection, but I've never thought I was obese. And quite frankly, any system that puts me in the same category as Louie Anderson should be seen as suspect.

Or maybe getting sick is a good thing.

Yes, I'm a bit edgy. What I need is a vacation. Luckily, I'm setting sail from the Port of Miami on Sunday.

Hopefully the whiskey will have kicked in by then.

Your No More Swears leader.

Awe ... wait for it ... Some!

EXTERMINATE!!! EXTERMINATE!!!!

Submitted without comment.

Try To See It Once My Way

I hope you had a happy President's Day. Maybe you caught a furniture sale or were simply happy to have an extra day where your stocks didn't go down.

Well, as much as I try to keep my personal life off of the internet, someone went and dug up this editorial I wrote a couple of years ago. Never say I don't stand by my words.

I haven't been blogging much. It's not like anything interesting has happened anyway.

The actual reason is I've been hypnotized by the comments at Minnesota Democrats Exposed. (I'd link,but even I have a limit to what I'll link to.) Michael Brodkorb who was once inexplicably the go-to for local media looking for political commentary from the right. I say inexplicably because he does little more than post MN Republican press releases. Now his site is simply host to about 8 right-wingnuts calling anyone from the left who dare share an opinion gay and posting links to gay erotica. If I'm looking for that, I read swiftee's blog.

Basically, reading the moronica that is MDE has left me saddened at what the internet has become. Even goatse didn't do that to me. (Interestingly, "goatse" is in the Firefox dictionary, so it didn't need spell-checking.) At the beginning of the year, I was going to go after Mitch's commenters, but they seem like the Algonquin Round Table after reading MDE, so I'll pass.

Anyway, I head off to the Carribbean in less than 2 weeks. Maybe I'll come back refreshed and verbose.

Your Saddened and Bored leader.

Love, Love, Love

This is what today's all about.



Happy Valentine's Day.

Chill In The Air Cold As Steel Tonight

While this seems like a harmless prank, it is actually quite dangerous.



See, the problem here is that in the case of a real zombie apocalypse, people will ignore the signs warning of impending doom thanks to these not-so-merry pranksters. Also, the chance of Nazi zombies somehow crossing the ocean and menacing Texas is quite low. (Link via DAV,who I'd link to if he had updated within the last 3 months)

Instead, more people should check out this game, The Last Stand 2. To best of a Flash game's ability, it simulates the endless zombie hordes and the skills needed to defeat them. We're trying to get a 10 hour in-service training credit to play this at work, but we're having a hard time of it.

Your Prepared leader.

Pie We Can!!!

America, we did it!

Pie. Pie Is Delicious.

I don't normally do this, but a minor cable TV celebrity has petitioned Congress to declare a Pie Week. This is because pie is awesome and tasty and there are many varieties.

I say, "Why not?" Please, people, let's get pie it's own week. Sign the petition. Do it for pie. If not that, then do it because if there 50,000 signatures, Olivia will wear a naughty French maid outfit on "Attack of the Show."

Please?

Your I Like Coconut Creme leader.

UPDATE: I'm aware of GoogleImages. I want to see the naughty French maid!

He's Baaaaa-aack!

Link-O-Rama has returned.

That is all.

We'll Choke On Our Vomit, And That Will Be The End

Time for me to bitch about more just plain awful ads on TV and radio.

Comcast has been pimping its digital cable and high-speed internet lately. During football season they had an ad about how one guy was way better at fantasy football than another because of his internet. The loser whines, "You always know how to crush my hopelessly pathetic defense." OK. I don't play fantasy football. I have my own nerdery to partake in. But even I know that who someone plays has nothing to do with your teams defense, because your defense just goes against the real-life team. Also, generally you play different people each week. Then the winner replies, "Because I use Comcast. And I am your lord and master!" Here's where the writing sucks. If you're trash talking someone, you go with the lord and master taunt before revealing your secret. As a commercial, it would better segue into the sales pitch by having the Comcast line last. Fail on two counts.

The current commercial for Comcast cable involves a 30-something woman who looks like an older Hillary Duff talking about her misspent youth using satallite TV. "We all go through that phase," she says smugly. "Then I realized that I could lose my picture in bad weather." Now, I actually find this a legitimate point. However, the wording suggests she never actually lost her picture. If I had satallite for 5 years and never lost the picture, I wouldn't be spending $50 more a month for cable on the off chance that it might still happen. Then she continues, "Of course, when you have kids, everything changes." Damn straight. Once you have kids TV is your only escape from the soul-crushing reality that your life no longer belongs to you. If the picture goes out, you're liable to go sit in the garage with the car running.

I wouldn't get upset about this type of ad if I didn't know there were talented writers out there who could craft ads worth watching. On a side note, anyone can pay me $50 to listen to an ad and tell you why it sucks, and how to fix it.

Now, I turn to AM1280 The Patriot for an ad I only hear on that station. The first involves Ty Coughlin, a so-called "beach bum" from Hawaii who has created a system to make millions of dollars on the internet without actually doing anything. First off, this seems antithetical to the conservative work ethic. Getting money for doing nothing is exactly what all of those talk-show hosts are against. But even worse is the commercial itself. It starts out with Ty laughing and asking if the commercial is live. He's told it is. He then starts with, "OK, I guess we're live ..." Someone really should have stopped the commercial at that point to say, A. It's a taped commercial, not live and B. We don't need to mention the process of taping. Of course, I suppose that fits into Ty's easy-going image. But then, there's the follow-up commercial, which putitively features one of Ty's many minions who have used the program, but sounds suspiciously like Ty Coughlin just lowering his voice in a clever attempt to disguise it. This commercial includes an English problem that's been spreading recently.

"Actually" is a word that should be used to purport something as true that has been called false. More and more, people throw "actually" in to modify their sentence for something no one thought was wrong to begin with. I heard a news guy say he was "actually" going to be somewhere the next day. No one had suggested he wouldn't be there. Here's a hypothetical where actually is used correctly:
Me: "Nickleback is just a plain awful band."
Some Idiot: "Actually, Nickleback puts out some wonderful music."
Me: *Shakes head sadly*
See, Some Idiot was trying to refute my statement that, in fact, all music would be better if Nickleback never played another note.

So, anyway, at one point the "Not Ty Coughlin" guy says, "I've met Ty, and he's actually a pretty cool dude." At which point I think to myself, "I hadn't thought for one minute he wasn't a cool dude, but your defensive wording has me a little wary now." So then I thought maybe there's a whole group that is opposed to Ty and his money making schemes. So I googled anti-Ty Coughlin. There are a couple of sites attacking him, but not really a concerted effort. Then I thought maybe they have a clever name, like Productive Citizens Against Beach Bums. No dice. Then I got bored.

Then it hit me; Ty Coughlin and his henchmen are using their internet ability to shut down any organized effort against him on the web. And they're using their vast internet fortunes to buy up any open radio commercial slots to keep dissenting folks from getting any air time to air their grievences against him. This is because he is running a scam.

And that's why I support the fairness doctrine.

(Not really)

Your Now I Can Sleep At Night leader.

Like, A Long Time Ago

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

The best part is F=MA. Because it does.

Life Finds A Way

This is why I shouldn't have children.

He Was Not A Number! He Was A Free Man!

Patrick McGoohan 1928-2009

I first saw McGoohan as King Edward I in "Braveheart." Then "The Simpsons" did the most bizarre episode I had ever seen, which turned out to be a play on "The Prisoner," which became one of the more bizarre TV shows I had ever seen.

Your Be Seeing You leader.

Changes Aren't Permanent ... But Change Is

Al, Al, Al; settle down and wait for the court to issue a ruling. I'm sick of people thinking they are the most important thing in the country, and the Senate just can't function without them.

After all, even "hyper-partisan election thief" and known kitten-eater Mark Ritchie says he can't confirm the results until the court challenge is done. It's right there in state law;

209.12 CONGRESSIONAL OFFICE.
When a contest relates to the office of senator or a member of the house of representatives
of the United States, the only question to be decided by the court is which party to the contest
received the highest number of votes legally cast at the election and is therefore entitled to receive
the certificate of election. The judge trying the proceedings shall make findings of fact and
conclusions of law upon that question. Evidence on any other points specified in the notice of
contest, including but not limited to the question of the right of any person to nomination or office
on the ground of deliberate, serious, and material violation of the provisions of the Minnesota
Election Law, must be taken and preserved by the judge trying the contest, or by some person
appointed by the judge for that purpose; but the judge shall make no findings or conclusion
on those points.
After the time for appeal has expired, or in case of an appeal, after the final judicial
determination of the contest, upon application of either party to the contest, the court administrator
of the district court shall promptly certify and forward the files and records of the proceedings,
with all the evidence taken, to the presiding officer of the Senate or the House of Representatives
of the United States. The court administrator shall endorse on the transmittal envelope or
container the name of the case and the name of the party in whose behalf the proceedings were
held, and shall sign the endorsement.

(Emphasis mine) Let the court make its ruling.

Your Take A Deep Breath leader.

All My Sins ... I Said That I Would Pay For Them

(Closed Circuit to Bruce: I'm still OK. The excessive posting means nothing.)

I've added a link on the right for people who might think this site needs more bacon. You're welcome. I've also added a couple of humor blogs to the ol' 'roll; The Comics Curmudgeon who reads and mocks the funny pages (so you don't have to), and The Bloggess doesn't seem to have a purpose, but is pretty fuckin' funny.

We're still senatorless. The recount has been long and ugly. The Republicans have done nothing but claim fraud since well before the election. They call Democrats "elitists," yet say that unless you filled in your oval perfectly on the ballot that you are stupid and, contrary to state law, your vote shouldn't count. They claim that only Democrats are stupid enough to not follow the rules on the ballot. They yell about illegal votes, yet there's is the only party to receive a bona-fide illegal vote.

Every attack of the Franken campaign's tactics during the recount could be aimed at Coleman as well, especially when it came to challenging ballots. Remember when Coleman said if he were losing at the end of an election he'd concede? It was a stupid statement then, and when the wind changes, it's challenge time. I have no problem with election challenges brought under state law. That's a good thing in an election this close. It's just nice to see Coleman finally thinking state election law is good. Too bad it's only when it benefits him.

I spent most of 2 hours earlier today listening to paid Republican operative Michael Brodkorb claiming that SOS Ritchie stole the election for the Democrats. I say claiming, because he didn't actually give any evidence to the point. In fact, when someone challenged him for evidence, he said a few things about irregularities in the precincts and then hung up on her.

Yes, there were irregularities. There was 1 (not 23, as the WSJ claimed) precinct with 31 more votes than those who signed in. It's an acknowledged mistake involving absentee sign-ins. And there was a precinct where there were fewer ballots than votes counted on election night. Michael says there was a double standard because they accepted the ballot count in one place and the machine count in another. Pay close attention: These are two different issues. If two precincts had fewer ballots than votes and they were treated differently, that would be a double standard. What Brodkorb's outraged about isn't.

It has also been claimed that there may have been double counted ballots. No one can prove which ballots these are, and I am wondering why Coleman's camp assumes they were all for Franken. If they can show who the double votes were for, then remove them. If not, then something needs to be put in place to stop it from happening in the future, but you can't just throw random votes out without some assurance they were the double votes.

Brobkorb was also very holier-than-thou about Franken that he "doesn't want to count all of the votes." Nevermind that Coleman didn't want to count them all before the recount started (Franken should have waived the recount, remember?); he doesn't want to count them all now. There were 12,000 rejected absentee ballots. Coleman brought 650 to court. If he's so interested in every vote being counted, where were the rest? I'd like to see every legal vote counted, and would have no problem with all of the rejected ballots being re-evaluated. All of them. Not just the ones that might benefit a particular candidate.

I've also heard a lot of complaints because someone saw ballots with the circle filled in and and X through it that were counted for Franken but the same looking ballot was not counted for Coleman. If the entire ballot had a filled circle with an X through it, that's clear voter intent, unless you think the voter decided after filling out the ballot to not vote for anybody, but still submitted the ballot. On the other hand, if only one vote had an X through it, that's less clear. I would think without another filled circle in that race it should count, but the officials decided otherwise. That's not fraud. State Law says you must look at the voters intent. Looking at the whole ballot might show a pattern. A pattern shows intent, don't you think?

Here's a test: If I write the letter "C," and that C is the first letter of a word, tell me what sound the C makes. The correct answer is "I don't know, because it depends on the rest of the word." The same is true of voter intent. (By the way, the word is circumnavigate, and therefore it makes an "S" sound)

Now the right wants a run-off election. They didn't want that when Coleman was ahead. Conservatives attack Instant Run-off Voting because they think it will lead to Democratic victories in close races. Now they want to change the rules when they lost and immediately have a run-off election. I agree with run-offs. Michael, you've got some pull in the Republican party. Why not get them to change the law for the next election. But you can't do it for this one.

Again, Brodkorb is a paid Republican operative, and his side has been claiming election fraud since before the election. Republican Sarah Janacek came on the show and basically said Ritchie has done the best job he could. Yes, there have been problems in the election. Ritchie deserves some blame for these problems. Can you prove that Ritchie intentionally influenced the recount to favor Franken, rather than simply having run a poor recount? Can you prove that every problem you have brought up was not dealt with according to the best interpretation of state election law? If not, your accusations of cheating and fraud are crap.

In closing; I didn't vote for either candidate, Lizard People seems to have some good ideas on the economy and the DFL needs to drastically change how they choose their candidates in the future so they can avoid these problems in the future. I don't much care who the Republicans run.

Your Focus On The New Blogroll Stuff leader.

P.S. (Closed Circuit to Bruce: I hope you figured out the secret message)

... And I Feel Fine

Have you ever been talking to some guy who says, "You know, this isn't PC to say, but ..." and you're thinking he's going to say something innocuous like "Why do black people like fried chicken and watermelon?" but instead he says, "I bet Barack Obama is going to wear Grillz and put spinners on the presidential limo and stock the White House with 40's and treat the cabinet like a street gang"? And then that guy insinuates someone else is racist?

Your What The Fuck? Over leader.

Just Enough Knowledge To Know I Don't Know Anything

I've been watching the old TV show "Sliders" on my X-Box Netflix queue. I've been a fan of the parallel dimension idea since I was young, and traveling to different Earths was a great concept. Of course, they often landed on Earths that were very similar to ours. I am curious why they never landed on any other Egyptian worlds that were almost-but-not-quite the Egypt world from the 3rd season.

On a side note, my next cat will be named Schrödinger.

I enjoy reading right-wing blogs and listening to right-wing radio (which can be the same thing here in Minnesota). I do it for two reasons: I've learned that knowing the opponent's argument helps solidify your own; and it reminds me that the "liberals" the right are railing against aren't me.

I've realized that someone with my beliefs couldn't be elected to office by either political party. I've often said I'm not as liberal as some people think I am, and not as conservative as others think I should be. People on both sides of the isle consider "moderates" to be wishy-washy morons who can't decide on an issue.

That may sometimes be true, but a political moderate can also be someone who doesn't know why being against gun control must also mean being against abortion or believing gays should be allowed to marry also means you must accept smoking bans. I am against strict gun control and pro-choice. I am for allowing gays to marry and against smoking bans. Who would have me?

There are so many issues that have nothing to do with each other that somehow seem to fall in party line. There are those of us who think that both raising taxes and cutting spending are the way out of our budget crisis. Let's face it, Minneapolis, the Target Center green roof is a bad idea. The library green roof was a good idea, though. The difference being that theoretically the library should be around a lot longer than the Target Center. On the other hand small business is booming in MN due to layoffs. Jason Lewis et al would have you believe that no one would ever start a business in MN due to taxes.

I accept that government has a role in America, and for that I would be called a socialist by some. The problem is that business does nothing except for profit. There are benefits to society that aren't profitable. There are also luxuries that may and should not be available to all. Success should have some rewards, after all. It is what we think is which that makes us a "moonbat" or "wingnut."

I also know that entrepreneurs built this country. We often over-regulate business, and then complain when they flee to other nations. We can be business-friendly without screwing employees and the environment, but that means picking our battles. Just banning everything isn't the answer.

I believe in paying for public college for anyone who wants to go. In return, those students must maintain a "B" average or the grant turns into a loan. Those students who should be in college will be, and those who shouldn't will be less likely to bring down the rest. I also think that mandatory secondary school needs to keep the needs of all the kids, not just the lowest achievers, in mind. High achievers are harmed by being mixed with average and below-average students, and so are the rest of us when the best don't live up to their potential. Failure is important to learn, and some kids are smarter than others.

I believe that people (excluding children) receiving public benefits from the government should work to the best of their ability. Welfare shouldn't be a simple handout, and someone in genuine need should be more than willing to work for pay.

Today I heard someone suggest that investment and savings should be tax free. It sounds nice, until you point out that those who already have billions would pay no taxes. The already rich don't need work income. Meanwhile, those making very little don't save or invest, so there's a loss in revenue with no benefit to the majority of people.

My Brother is an actuary at a large firm. Whenever his managers complain about "Taxes on the rich," he offers to exchange salaries to relieve their tax burden. They never accept. The higher your salary, the more you go home with, regardless of the tax rate. Now, I'm not advocating a 90% tax rate, but saying that a progressive tax means there is nothing to work harder for is a lie.

On the other hand, perhaps there should be a minimum tax rate. Everyone should have a stake in where their money is going. They say there's a large portion of people paying no income tax, but when I was making $25,000 a year I still paid income tax, and I was a single guy paying no rent. But since I've always taken a standard deduction, I don't know what kind of tax breaks are available. I know most people are paying property taxes, and everyone pays sales tax, so saying someone pays nothing in taxes isn't true unless they get all of that back in deductions. I'm no financial expert, so help is always appreciated.

As for health care, there is a difference between single-payer and government-run health care. We have the benefit of seeing what works and doesn't work in other nations. I'd like to see legislators realize that what's good for them should be good for everyone. It's easy to complain about a longer wait for an MRI when you can get one right away now. It's different when you can't get one at all.

I'm for decriminalizing drugs. I'm also for lowering the drinking age. Let people make some mistakes. It's a healthy lesson to society when some people screw up.

I don't hate President Bush, and I don't have "Bush Derangement Syndrome." I've disagreed with much of what Bush did in office. I also don't think he is dumb. I've come to realize he's even worse; he plays dumb so a Harvard/Yale educated son of a former president can be liked by the large segment of Americans who think "elite" is a bad word and think "learning" is for pussy nerds who don't like sports.

I also don't think Obama is the second coming. The right made fun of "The One" and "The Obamessiah." I don't know anyone who thinks that way about Obama. Those that do aren't really political minded people. My decision was based on seeing a guy who is intellectually curious, and not afraid to show it.

You can call Obama corrupt because he comes from Chicago, but show me a politician who isn't corrupt and I'll show you a politician who hasn't been elected to much.

I am moderate enough to not like one party having all of the power. I'll be going after the Democrats a lot more in the next 2 years. Not because they're elite socialists, but because full governmental power tends to make people overstep their bounds. We are a moderate country. Not center-right (whatever that means) but center. Few people are represented by either party. I certainly am not, and calling me a moonbat doesn't make it more true. Yes I lean left, but not so far as to not recognize the other side isn't always wrong. Except on religion.

Part 2: The Blogosphere! Coming soon.

Your Sorry About The Lack Of Humor leader.

FRAUD!!!!!!!

Illegal vote counted in MN senate election ... for Norm Coleman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For all of the talk of illegal Franken votes that was spewing from the right-wing blogosphere, the only proven illegal vote was for Coleman. Heh. Damn you, ACORN! You cheated for the wrong side!

More on this developing story as it develops.

Your Wait, ... What? leader.

Smile!

This quite unlike me, but I saw this sweet video and thought I'd share it. It's 16 minutes long, but if you're having a bad day it will cheer you up. (Yes, that's that guy from Bones)

Validation

(via Kevin Pereira)

Your You Are Awesome leader.

Everbody Wants A Rock To Tie A Piece Of String Around

Actually, while I would like a rock, what I'd really like is a quarterback for the Vikings. And not one of the Heisman Trophy winners coming out of college. Cassel would be nice if he's available, but I hear he may be leading the Patriots to another non-playoff season next year.

Any other suggestions?

As a side note, the other team I usually cheer for lost, so now I have thing to say: "Go Chargers!"

I Don't Feel Any Different

Happy 2009, everybody!

I've been working a spell, but when I'm done, I've got a doozy of a post planned. I'll be spelling out my views on some political matters and some blogosphere matters. It should be fun and illuminating.

Whilst you are waiting, check this out. I have met guys just like this. They're out there!

Your Keep Bringing It leader.

Kiss The Killers And The Kind And The Crude

For the end of the year ....

There's a post over at Shot in the Dark on the use of "uber" as a superlative prefix. Of course Mitch uses the u-umlaut, but since I don't know how to type an u-umlaut, I don't. And since few Americans can pronounce an u-umlaut, it really doesn't matter.

Anyway, I've been wanting to make a ranking of superlative prefixes for a while, and now I will. They are, from lowest to highest:

super
mega
ultra
uber
super-ultra-mega
hyper

(e.g. Mega-Man is superior to Superman. Which should be obvious. A robot who steals the powers of his enemies is obviously better than an alien who is allergic to rocks.)

Interestingly, hyper is used far more often than the lesser super-ultra-mega. (53 million Google hits vs. 100,000) My guess is it is laziness on the writer's part. Fewer keystrokes and all.

Well, I hope I've helped with folks trying to figure out just how good something that is awesome really is. This is important after all. This post was in no way a simple attempt to pad my posting stats.

Have a happy 2009!

Your Auld Lang Syne leader.

DIckhead, Dickhead, Dickhead; Check It Out!

Oh, Rod Blagojevich, you rascally bastard. Appointing a senator whilst facing indictment for probably trying to sell that senate seat.

“The people of Illinois are entitled to have two United States senators represent them in Washington, D.C,” Blagojevich said, Unfettered by the cloud of controversy surrounding his ongoing investigation. “As governor, I am required to make this appointment. If I don't make appointment, then people of Illinois will be deprived of their appropriate voice and vote in the U.S. Senate.”

Fuck you, you arrogant prick. We here in Minnesota don't know who our next senator is, and our Governor may have to appoint someone. He's in no hurry. Is there any chance you're afraid you won't be in office on the 20th of January?

At least the guy he picked seems like an adequate choice. Of course, who knows if he paid for the seat? That's the inherent problem with the situation. Burris would have been better off refusing to be appointed in such a situation.

And Burris is the consummate politician, of course.

“I have no comment on what the governor's circumstance is. And as a former attorney general of this state, I know and I think most of you all know, that in this legal process, you're innocent until you're proven guilty.”

But Burris had much stronger words for Blagojevich just two weeks ago after Blagojevich was arrested.

“The evidence that's been presented is purely appalling," he said at a Dec. 13th news conference. "Should that come out to be the case of what our governor was attempting to do, I find it just reprehensible."

Nothing more political than taking the exact opposite stand from week to week. Again, the honorable thing to do is wait.

But wait, there's more. The Senate has threatened to deny Burris the seat. They've said all along that Blago shouldn't appoint anyone, because, "Anyone appointed by Gov. Blagojevich cannot be an effective representative of the people of Illinois and, as we have said, will not be seated by the Democratic caucus."

But that doesn't sit well with former black panther and current congressman from IL Bobby Rush. Let's go to the story:

“I applaud the governor for his decision and I would ask you to not hang or lynch the appointee, as you tried to castigate the appointer -- separate, if you will, the appointee from the appointer."

Fuck you, Congressman. Lynch? Would you have used that word if a white guy was going to be denied the seat? You're full of shit. As we see here:

"There are no African-Americans in the Senate," Rush said. "And I don't think that anyone — any U.S. senator who's sitting in the Senate right now — wants to go on record to deny one African-American for being seated in the U.S. Senate."

So the only reason Burris should be seated is that he's black? That's a fine political system you've envisioned.

Burris should be denied the seat, if only because he was dumb enough to accept it. He should then move into congressman Rush's district and run against him for Congress. It would be tough for Rush to attack him, since Rush has already said he should be in the Senate. And if the voters of his district are smart, they'll be looking for a way to get this guy gone.

I'm glad I'm not an Illinois Democrat. I hope they find a way to get these dickheads out of office, and put good people into office. Burris may be one of those good people, but taking office from a corrupt governor isn't the way to go.

Your Angry and Vulgar leader.

P.S. If you aren't from the Twin Cities, you may have never heard the bit that my post title comes from. It's here, and certainly is not safe for work. Enjoy!

Put One Foot On The Trunk, Keep One Foot On The Floor

Jon Swift is the best conservative writer on the internet. I think everyone knows this. So it is an honor that he gives us 9th tier "bloggers" a bone at the end of the year with his "Best Blog Posts of 2008 (As Choosen By The Bloggers Themselves)."

My submission was an attempt to out-Spotty Spotty by taking on a Katherine Kersten column on video games. It seems almost bittersweet to read it now that she's been shit-canned.

Last year, the submissions were alphabetical by blog, putting mine near the top. Unfortunately, alphabetical listing "required constantly consulting the alphabet," so this year he listed them in the order they were received. Since I pored over my blog looking for that post with just the right mix of meaning and humor, I got in late, so I'm down near the bottom. Oh, well.

I suggest checking out the list and reading a few of the blogs. Many are pretty damn good.

Your Better Than 10th Tier leader.

PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!! (Vikings 10-6; NFC North Champions)

Vikings win! They don't call him Longwell for nothing. Six of six from 50 yards and beyond this year.

I predicted 9-7 and in the playoffs earlier this year. Considering the Giants played mostly backups in the 2nd half, I'll call that a successful prediction. We'll see who they get in round one. At home.

And AP only fumbled once today. I call that improvement ... I guess.

Your SKOL VIKINGS!!!!!!!!!! leader.

Merry X-Mas!

MERRY
X-MAS!!

Bonus: "Why Christmas Is Better Than Hanukkah" by Marty Beckerman. (Standard Disclaimer: It's by Marty, so as always it's extremely offensive)

Threw My Back Out Whackin' That Ass Now (Vikings 9-6)

Yeah, so that was the Vikings. My elder family members kept reminding me not to get my hopes up. I guess they're right. At least the Giants pulled off the win last night.

If history was controlled by the BCS.

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

Computers be damned; Any country can win on any given D-Day.

So, I've been a Minneapolis cop for just over 2 years. Well, crime has dopped in Minneapolis for the past 2 years. Post hoc, ergo propter hoc. (Which, of course, means after hoc, therefore something else hoc) (via Chris)

I think I deserve a raise, don't you?

Your (I can't believe I'm writing this) Go, Pack, Go! leader.

Back To The Water (Vikings 8-5)

A tight victory for the Vikes. My prediction wasn't as good as it might have seemed since I predicted that the Lions would score negative 20 points. While I was later informed that this was impossible, I stuck by my prediction.

Even more interesting was the postgame coverage on Fox. Apparently Visanthe let his Shiancoe loose on national TV. Not that it was his fault, but expect Fox to be fined billions of dollars. I'm guessing letting a penis on television has to be worse than a breast with a covered nipple.

My happiness for the win was tempered a bit when I found out that KSTP radio fired Tommy Mischke. He was the most interesting and original person on radio. Listen to the clips at the end of the story to hear how different he really was. When you're done, check out Mischke Madness to hear more. Then bombard AM 1500 with requests to get the man back. We shouldn't let talent like this go without a fight.

Oh, and it's The Affiliate's and my sextemberversary. I made that word up. She prefers semi-anniversary. I like mine better. Anyway, we've been married for six months. Yay, us!

Your Broadcast Outcast leader.

BANNED!!!!11!1!

Well, I guess the season is over. Most teams don't survive losing their 3rd and 4th best defensive players (Allen and Winfield are the best two, but Winfield's impact is lower than the Williams Wall). And "I didn't know!" is rarely a good excuse.

On the other hand, I still predict a 24-7 victory over Detroit on Sunday.

Your Loss leader.

*UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Apparently "justice doesn't work that way." The Williams Wall will be on the field this weekend. I now predict a 24 to -20 victory. I also expect Pat Williams to have put on a bit of weight since he can't use his weight loss pills anymore.

And It's Slippin' Away (Vikings 7-5)

WHAT DO YA' THINK OF MY DEFENSE NOW?! (YEEEEARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!)

The Vikings have sole possession of first place. That's what happens when you stop a team on 4 straight downs from inside the 1 yard line, then turn around and throw a 99 yard touchdown pass.

Also, the Vikings are undefeated in Hailey's lifetime. We know for whom she cheers.

Have a pleasant week.

Your Happy As A Clam leader.

When I Want Somethin' And I Don't Wanna Pay For It

Story of the week.

Appleton police said residents should be on the lookout for a gorilla head.

OK, that's a great start.

Police said someone took the head off a 6-foot mechanical gorilla mannequin in the parking lot of Balloon Magic. It disappeared between 10 a.m. Thursday and 9 a.m. Friday.

Where can I get my own mechanical gorilla mannequin? Unfortunately, a google search for "mechanical gorilla mannequin" leads mostly to this story, along with an episode list for "Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction" that includes an episode in which a mechanical gorilla goes on a rampage. Which may be why the head was stolen from this gorilla.

Oh, but the best part of the story:

The gorilla advertises the fact the business offers gorilla-grams — a gorilla delivering a message along with balloons.

This is the best service offered by any business ever. However, I'm guessing it's a person in a gorilla costume, not an actual gorilla, that delivers the message. Gorillas would demand a union, making them cost-prohibitive.

Anyway, the cops should be checking fraternities at Lawrence University for the goods. This sounds like a good pledge prank.

In personal news, my big toe feels like it's broken. I think I might have gout. More on this developing story as it develops.

Your Ow, Ow, OW! leader.

Happy Thanksgiving

Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh, Baby

I am an uncle!

Say "Hi" to Hailey McKenna (Last name withheld by her request).

Here she is with her daddy:


And here's my Mom with her first grandchild:

I'm guessing Dr. SIL would prefer her "just after giving birth" picture remain private, so I'll withhold it, but Hailey looks just like her mom.

And a song for the little girl:



May the world be a better place for your being in it.

Your It's Looking At Me, Make It Stop leader.

Screwed Us Both Again

So, through a convoluted process that I won't get into, but started with the god-awful movie "Carnosaur" being on at 3:45 am, I ended up on Wikipedia last night. What else is new?

I was reading about deinonychus, the kick ass dinosaur that is represented far better by the velociraptors in the significantly better than "Carnosaur" "Jurrasic Park" than actual velociraptors (which were much smaller than depicted in "JP"). Or so I thought.

They had this picture of what D. antirrhopus may have looked like:

Yes, those are feathers.

In the many years since I have studied dinosaurs, apparently it has been decided that most or all coelurosaurs had feathers. I have known since I was a kid that birds are dinosaurs, and I'd heard that it had been theorized that dinos might have feathers, but I didn't know that it had become so accepted that the main rendering of a deinonychus would be feathered.

Most people still call apatosaurus "brontosaurus," which hasn't been its name for 100 years or so. I wonder how long it will take people to see T-Rex not as a giant lizard, but more like Big Bird, if Big Bird had 5 inch long teeth and tiny arms.

I wonder if Joe Liberman ran for President as a Republican if he would still keep stay on the Democratic Party's good side. It sounds like a joke, but I wouldn't bet against it. The guy campaigned for Sen. McCain. Unless he votes 100% with what the Dem leadership wants, it makes no sense to keep him around. And I'm guessing the people of Connecticut would be against their elected officials doing solely what a party wants. If the Dems don't throw him out the first time he doesn't end a fillibuster, they deserve no support.

The 'Farian has stronger words on the subject.

And Alaska saves themselves from being named the craziest state in the union. The fact that a recently convicted multiple felon facing jail time (who boldly stated that he had not been convicted of anything) came as close as he did keeps them in the running, though. Also their large number of moose, considered by some to be the craziest of all animals. I wonder how the Democrat running the election in Alaska stole it for Mark Begich, who was behind on election night.

Don't write songs about shooting people when you actually shot them. At the very least, don't call them out by name. After all, we don't know exactly whom Johnny Cash shot just to watch die.

Your Terrible Bird leader.

I Am A Fighter Who's Not Made A Fist (Vikings 5-4)

Yes! Tied for first (again). Game balls on defense to an injured Jared Allen and Madieu Williams, who made a tremendous stop on the penultimate play to force a 52 yard field goal attempt, which, of course, was missed. On offense, Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor combined for 337 of Minnesotas 371 offensive yards. Ye-gads!

It was the top on a great day. I got a buck with actual antlers this morning as well. It's a good sized deer, and should be some good eating. I also got to dig around in its guts, which was cool. T. Hussein Mississippifarian should be happy. There are 4 fewer deer roaming Aitkin county today because of my hunting party. Another guy actually cock-blocked one buck. He got the doe as well. So no baby rats deer for them.

I'll have pictures soon.

Your Venison leader.

Closed Circuit to the Minnesota Right-Wing Blogosphere

Ahem...

Alas, Ralph Wiggum loses. Maybe next time.

As I sit here with my promised glass of 18 year old McCallan, I just can't help but picture Mitch lamenting the fact that it didn't rain today.

I'm also shocked that the Senate race is not called by now. I predicted Coleman by 4. I'm pissed that Bachmann is going to win, but I'll live with the fact that she should only have two years until her district no longer exists.

It's an historic night. McCain gave an incredible concession speech, and we can all look forward to 95% tax rates in January.

I'm kidding about that last point. But forced gay marriages are coming, that's for sure.

Your Arab Muslim Atheist Communist Socialist Anti-American Pro-Terrorist Foreign-Born leader.

So This Ain't The End, I Saw You Again Today

I've been hearing a commercial on the radio about a company that, among other things, helps people save their e-mails to comply with government regulations, as well as protecting your e-mail. This wouldn't be interesting, except that the company is call Barracuda Networks.

Someone might want to look into the perfectly named company.

That's all. Back to Fallout.

Your Knee Deep In Super-Mutants leader.

War. War Never Changes

(Yes, that is Ron Pearlman's voice)


Some people have a countdown to the election running on their desktop. Some crazier people have a countdown to a vacation they're taking 5 months from now. Not me.

My countdown is to the release of "Fallout 3." And it's now under 24 hours.

Some people say it's pathetic for a 29 year old man to be excited about a video game. And it is. But I don't care, because at midnight tonight, I will have a copy of the latest installment of the best RPG video game series ever.

The series takes place in a post-apocalyptic future, as might have been imagined in the 1950's. There are giant scorpions, mutated animals, mutant humans, ray-guns and a bunch of people living in fallout shelters. The games take the player through an adventure that starts with trying to save your shelter or villiage. The character explores the strange world that has popped up after the nuclear war, and with humor, drama and a good selection of guns uncovers a deeper mystery that needs to be solved. Solving this mystery usually involves investigation, character interaction, smarts, blowing things up and/or shooting people so full of holes that their skeletons are visible as they fall to the ground.

Did I mention the giant scorpions?

The "level up" system allows you to create any type of hero you like. There are no classes, and between skill selection and "perks" that give special abilities, the possibilites are endless.

Also, there are radioactive geckos and giant monster-lizards called deathclaws.

A while back, I called "Mass Effect" the best game I've ever played. If "Fallout 3" is done right, it will blow ME out of the water. If it keeps at all with the tone and style of the original 2 games, I don't think it can disappoint.

Some have suggested that "Falout 3" will be "Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion" with guns. Well, "Oblivion" was a really good game. If "Fallout 3" is true to the series, it will be great. There will be character interaction, humor, and a strong storyline.

If there isn't, Bethesda can blow me.

Your Dogmeat leader.

*Update* Bethesda doesn't have to save it's mouthwash.

If You Wanna Hang Out, You've Got To Take Her Out

It was crack. I'm glad that's cleared up. It made for an easy post title. I love that Dubay used the Randy Moss "someone borrowed my car and left the drugs in there" bit. Let this be a lesson to all. If your driver's license isn't up to snuff, don't carry drugs in your car. Also, never do a drug named after part of your own ass (c. Denis Leary).

Of course, since I'm writing from Fake America, my advice isn't really as good as others'. Here's a woman I assume is from real America, to let us know what's up.



"I can't imagine having a President of the United States being named Obama. I real have a problem with that." That's almost as bad as electing a Welshman!

A mother that was atheist? Oh! A father that was a Muslim. Oh oh! "That should get to everyone." At least she seemed to fear Muslims more than atheists. That's rare.

She says her husband knows the right way to vote. He certainly knows the right thing to tell her.

Thank you real America, for putting your views out in plain sight for us.

In closer real America news, Michele Bachmann made a "misstatement" when she called Barack Obama anti-American. Also, Chris Mathews laid a trap for her. Sure, he did. Why Obama would have called himself anti-American if he were lured into Mathews' dark "Hardball" lair. His cunning question of "Do you think Barack Obama is anti-American?" led Bachmann down a slippery slide into a poll of acidic juices that drowned her and digested her over time ... wait, that's not Chris Mathews, that's a pitcher plant.

Anyway, I wonder if Bachmann told Jason Lewis it was a misstatement when she was on his show on Monday, because Lewis says she was right on, and of course Obama is anti-American, and so are all liberals. In fact, anyone who disagrees with him is anti-American. Especially Colin Powell, that dirty liberal commie America hater (I'm paraphrasing). Good luck, Michele.

Speaking of Jason Lewis; The plague is back!

Officials said York was most likely exposed to the plague when he performed an autopsy on a mountain lion that had been infected and most likely killed by it.

First off, it's called a necropsy when done on an animal. I'm guessing the guy missed this news story from 2006. Pumas have been dying of plague for at least two years, and York maybe should have been a little more careful. So, if you've been playing around with dead cougars (the animal, not dead hot old ladies), get to the pharmacy.

On a side note, I referred to the animal in that story by 3 different names. I love puma concolor.

Your I Retract Everything I Just Said leader.

This Is Our Decision, To Live Fast And Die Young (Vikings 3-4)

Colin Powell endorses Barack obama? Are people wearing hats on their feet and hamburgers eating people? My favorite line is when he just admonishes Michelle Bachmann for this comedy bit.

The Vikings put up a valiant effort against the Bears at Soldier Field, but lost 48-41. Each team individually beat the Over-Bet on this game, and i figured the Vikes would lose by 20, so all in all it wasn't a disaster. I didn't listen to "Vikings Fan Line" to see how the callers blamed this game on Childress, so if you have any theories as to why Childress should be fired because of this game, let me know.

Speaking of Fan Line, I'm guessing Jeff Dubay wasn't hosting. The story doesn't say what the drug was, but in the comments it mentions Meth. Someone says it was 6 grams of Meth, but that would be 3rd degree possession, so I'm not sure I buy that, at least not the amount. I also saw "meth precursors" which means ephedrine or pseudoephedrine (e.g. Sudafed). (That could also mean red phosphorus, but I doubt it.) Too much cold/asthma medication? He was mysteriously gone earlier this year, and rehab is the official rumor. Maybe the speed is to supplement the weight loss program he's been hyping. And stop calling the guy "Puffy," for god's sake; it's driving him to drugs.

I'm guessing he'll be off the air for a while. May I suggest expanding The Common Man Progrum to 5 hours?

Your Wishing Him The Best leader.

It's Not Funny, It's Not Fair

There's a new show on NBC called "Kath and Kim." It's supposed to be a comedy. I was a little worried about that when I saw that Molly Shannon was in it. Then I saw the ads, which made me ask, aren't commercials for comedies supposed to make the show seem funny? I caught the first 5 minutes of the first episode (it was recorded on my DVR after "My Name is Earl). Not a single laugh. Not a chuckle. Not a smile. Nothing. NBC is calling it their newest hit, which I suppose is accurate if you define "hit" as any TV show you air. This bothers me because NBC thought better of getting "Scrubs" for the last season and replaced it with utterly unfunny crap. Way to go, NBC executives.

And now for news!

Man names daughter Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak. Against his wife's wishes, apparently. He says he did it to "get the word out." Get the word out that there is a presidential ticket on which someone named McCain and someone named Palin are running? I think that's out there. That you support said ticket? You say you have a lawn sign. That's usually enough. The name has a shelf life of 3 weeks. Ava Grace is a somewhat pretty name (certainly better than other names growing in popularity, like Aschleigheey). My guess is you won't be having any more kids, at least with this wife. If you do, name the next one Jamie American Red Cross, to get the word out about blood donation. You know, something helpful.

Baby Girl Ciptak could always do this, I guess. I hope Ms. Cutoutdissection(dot)com realizes that many websites stop being active and are often bought out by porn dealers. Actually, I hope she doesn't. That would be hilarious.

105 Year Old Credits Long Life to No Sex. We're happy for ya. I'd rather live to 40, thank you kindly.

And, on a soberingly horrible note, there will be another zombie pub-crawl this year. It's Saturday night, in fact, and somehow the walking dead managed to get me off duty that night. There's nothing I can do to protect you. Good luck, Minneapolis. I'll try and clean up the carnage on Sunday. Just hold on for one night. Here are some tips to help you through the horror.

Best of luck.

Your Properly Horrified leader.

Debate Review

My friends, the debate sucked. To be fair, I watched/listened to only about half.

What I saw was two guys who couldn't follow the rules that they set for themselves. Rules they never should have set. After all, asking a politician to talk for only 1 minute is like asking a cop not to complain about stuff. And Tom Brokaw should be ashamed for how poorly he moderated. .

As far as I could tell, Obama didn't say anything of note. Period. Just platitudes and slogans and blaming McCain for the economic crisis.

On the other hand, John McCain did decide the government would be better than the private market in renegotiating bad home loans. I've wondered why banks wouldn't go ahead and renegotiate a bad loan rather than lose the cash, but Johnny Mac wants the big bad government to just buy them all and hope it works out.

Maybe it's a good plan, but let's stop with the small government BS. And tell me how you'll pay for it. If it's higher taxes, fine, but admit it. Also, he blamed Obama for the economic crisis.

Anyway, no one's mind will be changed, but there's little that will change anyone's mind. The little gauge that showed what the "undecided" voters were thinking kept going up for both candidates when they said pretty things about the American people, and down whenever they mentioned numbers of any kind. Apparently, anything of substance immediately turns off voters.

Hard to believe our campaigns are the way they are.

Your Not So Confident leader.

I'll Be Gone (Vikings 2-3)

It's been a while. I got a new laptop, and I've been playing Spore a lot, making my own creature and raising it from a cell to a space-faring race. Pretty awesome, I must say. (Rumors that I spent $1,000 on a laptop to play a $50 game are, as of this posting, unconfirmed.)

(Addition: Almost forgot the Vikes): The Vikings managed to win a game that was desperately given to them by the N.O. Saints. It's sad to think that Antoine Winfield might end up leading the team in touchdowns. Or, even less likely, Viscante Shianco.

If you are fortunate enough to have HBO, you should check out "The Life and Times of Tim," a new cartoon show. It is about Tim, who is a most unfortunate man. He is put into really bad situations, usually through no fault of his own, and, being polite, has a really hard time getting out of them. One episode had Tim being promoted to Vice-President of his company, but only if he pretends to be Mexican so the company looks more diverse. Another episode had him talked into objecting to his girlfriend's sister's wedding by the presiding priest. Most of these episodes involve Tim saying "This sounds like a bad idea" at some point. The humor is dry, the animation "squiggle-vision" like, and the characters wacky (except Tim, who is pretty much the most regular guy ever). It's on Sunday nights. Love it.

Sometimes, a music video illustrates a great song. Other times, the video is a weird mishmash that has nothing to do with the song. However, it is very rare when the song simply says what's going on in the video.



There's a "debate" tonight. If you're one of the 20 people who doesn't have a preference in candidates, let us know who you think won. Then relax and know that 20 people won't swing the election either way.

Your Take Me On leader.