Monday, January 28, 2008

Embraces With A Warm Gesture

I've dragged myself away from the X-Box for a few minutes to discuss something. The State of the Union Address? Please.

There are a couple of bad advertisements out there. The first is from NyQuil. Well, DayQuil, actually. I happen to be a former fan of NyQuil (as Denis Leary said, "Big N, little Y, Big fuckin' Q! I love that fuckin' Q!") Then they had to change the recipe (just one of many reasons to hate meth-heads), and I've grown out of love. The commercial, however, makes me laugh.

It starts with people saying "I have a mucus," and the announcer says, "You don't catch a 'mucus,' you catch a cold," and that other cold medicines only take care of mucus. He then tells us how DayQuil fights stuffy nose, congestion, coughing and sore throat. All things caused by mucus! I'd say the writers' strike is affecting adverts, but they've never been that good.

The other ad is for local news on Channel 5, KSTP. The ad says, "News doesn't always happen at 5, 6 or 10 o'clock." Which is true. News actually rarely occurs during the newscasts. But are there people who need to be told that?

Speaking of news broadcasts, I'd be more apt to pay attention to these people if they told me about things like this. These insects are reasons not to leave the U.S. In case you aren't interested in reading about the most horrifying insects in the word, this might whet your appetite.

It's the size of your thumb and it can spray flesh-melting poison. We really wish we were making that up for, you know, dramatic effect because goddamn, what a terrible thing a three-inch acid-shooting hornet would be, you know? Oh, hey, did we mention it shoots it into your eyes? Or that the poison also has a pheromone cocktail in it that'll call every hornet in the hive to come over and sting you until you are no longer alive?

Think you can outrun it? It can fly 50 miles in a day. It'd be nice to say something reassuring at this point, like "Don't worry, they only live on top of really tall mountains where nobody wants to live," but no, they live all over the goddamned place, including outside Tokyo.

Forty people die like that every year, each of them horribly.

Much worse than any commercial.

Your Creepy-Crawly leader.

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