Tuesday, May 13, 2008

It's Too Painful To Imagine

Congrats to the Twins on taking 3 of 4 from the defending world champs.

Republicans voted for mothers before they voted against them. Of course, this was a BS procedural matter, but it brings to question why Congress is voting on such things anyway. I have an exclusive quote from candidate Generic Candidate (R-The 1950's) "If elected, I pledge to bring to Congress the fortitude to vote that kittens are cute, babies should not be used as a cheap food substitute, and sock-hops are a keen time!" I can't imagine why people hold an unfavorable view of our elected officials.

Yes, I am going to train to ride one of these. The story mentions the cost of the T-3s, but before you decry wasteful spending, know that all of the machines have been donated to the department.

In other police news, citizens ask that thieves be allowed to steal cars with impunity. Here's the deal - If you're a criminal, and you know the police can't pursue you, then you will run. It's that simple. I'll tell you what; if the police are forbidden to pursue a vehicle, then fleeing the police in a motor vehicle should become an automatic 25 year sentence. You'd better be damn sure we don't know who you are before you run. Otherwise, the risk of running is much less than the risk of arrest. When someone tries to flee in a car, we become curious as to exactly why. Could be a misdemeanor warrant; could be you just shot three people and have a dead hooker in the trunk. Maybe it's the job, but I tend to think the worst in such situations. And really, can't we for once blame the guy who ran when things go bad?

As for the title of today's post, I was faced with a hypothetical situation this weekend. First, some background:

#1. For an injury to be considered work-related, it must stem from a unique aspect of police work (kicking in doors, fighting with suspects, spilling hot coffee on oneself, etc.). Everyday activities don't count.
#2. An "Officer Needs Help" call means that shit is going down. It's not, "I'd like another car to assist me," it's "I'm fighting with 3 guys" or"Someone's shooting at me." Help means we drop what we're doing and drive as fast as we can until we arrive or are told that everything is OK.

Those 2 things considered, here's the question: If I am in the bathroom when a "Help" call come out, and I accidentally get my wang caught in my zipper while rushing to help, is that considered work related?

Perhaps a visual aid. (Not Safe For Work)

Your Frank and Beans leader.


Mark said...

I think your speculation about a zipper incident betrays a deep-seated desire to demasculate yourself. Given your pending nuptials, this is a serious matter indeed.

And hey — what kind of hair gel are you using? Your 'do looks fabulous!

DiscordianStooge said...

Illustrative enough for you?

Actually, the basic situation came up this weekend, just not the bad result.

Anonymous said...

Well, it's slightly less gay than a segway (and probably wont tip over as easily). Good luck with your new tripod!


DiscordianStooge said...

There was a report that said the T-3 is "less dorky, yet somehow simultaneously more dorky than a Segway."

Mark said...

I think it all depends how you ride it. That 3-wheeled sucker will require some serious shades and attitude.