Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition

A long needed template change. Nothing else needed to say about it.

A month ago I mentioned that things were looking up in Egypt. So I've got that to live down. Hopefully the people get their democratic elections without too much bloodshed.

Packers fans will be especially unbearable for the next few months, until they finally sober up. Just remember that the Packers wouldn't have made the playoffs without 2 seriously botched calls in the Pack's 1st game against the Vikings, one call that even the NFL declared to have been wrong. So that's out there.

I wasn't helped by being forced to choose between a rapist and the Green Bay Packers. I chose to cheer for the referees. (Let's go, Black and White! Get that Instant Replay right!) They did quite well, I'd say.

The game started out bad, but ended up being somewhat exciting. Which was good, because the best commercial was an NFL commercial that put team colors on a bunch of old TV characters. And when I say "best," I mean one of like 3 even interesting commercials.

And the commercials were high art compared to Christina "Xtina" Aguilera, the washed up and completely irrelevant pop star getting the words wrong in a National Anthem performance that could have had Roseanne Barr turning down the volume.

As for the halftime show ... sigh ... um ... OK, I'll start again. As for the halftime show, it's time for the NFL to give up and just put pee-wee football kids out there at halftime for the Super Bowl. Black Eyed Peas put on one of the worst performances I've ever seen. The mics didn't work, the special effects didn't work (They should have changed the lyrics to, "Where is the V?") and as someone on Twitter said, it looked like what people in 1983 thought the 2011 halftime show should look like. And BEP themselves have always been over-hyped. Their songs that don't suck are just OK, Fergie can't sing and one of the guys looks like Weird Al with straightened hair. (Alternate Joke - "One of the guys looks like The Rock decided to grow his hair out") Also, Fergie, if you're going to imitate Axl Rose, you really need to do the falsetto.

So, yeah, let's try something completely different next year. Those little kids running around always get big cheers from fans at the Dome. They certainly can't be worse than the shit this year.

To sum up, last year, I missed the Super Bowl because I was busy getting kicked in the nuts. Tonight, I was feeling nostalgic for last year.

Your There's Always Next Year leader.

Do You Know How Lucky You Are?

Ladies and gentlemen ... Brett Favre ... We got him! (Again)

It's been a while since there's been zombie news, but this investigative story should have us all sighing in relief.

Unfortunately, that list doesn't take into account people in their 20's apparently being completely worthless. This seems inevitable. Adulthood has been moving later as our lifespans get longer. You couldn't wait for 25 to be an adult when your average lifespan was 28. I'm not saying this is a good thing, of course. This is partly parents allowing their kids to stay with them longer than maybe they should. Not to mention that there are a lot of people and not many jobs. I think it's high time we start moving folks to the moon.

Speaking of the moon, I'm curious if any muslims out there can tell me how one would determine when Ramadan starts if one was living on the moon, since determining the start relies on seeing the moon.

Apparently having a nationwide radio show is bad for free speech. Laura Schlessinger is upset people called her a racist for saying racist things, so she's quitting. She wants her "1st Amendment" rights back. Come January, Dr. Laura will be free to say whatever she wants. Hopefully, no media carries what she says. We wouldn't want her rights violated.

Your Say It Loud leader.

To Normal

And we're back to not caring for another 4 years.

It's the Dream That We All Share!

It was his idea.

NSFW!



If you don't follow Twitter, here's how the game went for me.

Pregame:
Am I the only one who thinks Landon Donovan looks like Michael Westin? about 6 hours ago via HootSuite

About 5 minutes in:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH phew! Too close. #USA #ALG #worldcup

After an Algeria shot off the crossbar.

About 25 minutes in:
#USA keeps having goals taken away. It's a lot harder to win that way.

After another absolute shit offisides call to nullify a goal.

About 35 minutes in:
Put it in the GOD DAMNED NET! #USA

That was after about 3 missed open-net opportunities.

Halftime came and went, and I found myself having to Re-Tweet myself:
COME ON! RT @DiscordianStooj: Put it in the GOD DAMNED NET! #USA

That was after another 3 really good scoring opportunities.

At around the 90 minute mark:
2nd yellow card for #USA on a "handball" that didn't happen to go with the 2 goals stolen from them.

And then, less than a minute later:
GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES! #USA 1:0 #ALG #worldcup

After 5 minutes to compose myself:
Ahem. ... Final result #USA 1:0 #ALG USA wins group C, joined by the Three Kitties #worldcup #eng

I'll probably never do the Tweet re-cap again.

Your Field of 16 leader.

Now Put Your Hands Up!

The Olympics are over! I'm finally free!

Does anyone know where I can watch a random cross-country skiing race?

The biggest hoax of the 20th Century is finally debunked. Proof that the Titanic never sank. One point:

The bottom of the sea is a messy place. Whales die there and their skeletons become home for all sorts of stuff. Have you seen a whale? They’re huge, especially the huge ones. Imagine one of those possibly killed by one of those stealth CO₂ emitting volcanoes that no-one’s found yet. Yet amongst all this there’s supposed to be a ’shipwreck’. Against the vast majesty of nature, isn’t a tiny bit arrogant to assume that man could do anything noticeable on the sea-bed?

Let's find the purveyors of this nonsense and make sure they're brought to justice.

A dating tip for women, courtesy of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. It is 100% true.




Use it wisely.

Your "London 2012, Here We Come" leader.

What A Horrible Night To Have A Curse

Ugh.

The Saints won the same way they did much of the year; Lucky bounces, bad officiating and opponents' mistakes. Who wins by only three with a +4 takeaway ratio?

So, anyway, I'm starting to believe the Vikings are cursed, and I'll never see them in a Super Bowl. So be it!

Well, there's always next year. Are there any aging quarterbacks available to sign?

Your Always Next Year leader.

The Rumor Of My Demise ...

I've been quite uninspired to write as of late, but, you know, Vikings, NFC Championship, blah, blah, blah ...

I always ... I always ... I always love that one!

Now, I'm not one to pray. However, I am one to cheer for the Vikings and be heretical. So, by a narrow 2-1 margin, I bring you this:

Our Favre-ther who art in Mississippi, hallowed be thy name. Thy bowl will come, it will be won, in Miami as it is in the Dome. Give us this Sunday, our weekly win. Give us touchdown passes, but do not let others pass against us. Lead us not into frustration, but deliver us to the Super Bowl. For thine is, the MVP, the best of the NFC, and the glory of the Purple People Eaters now and forever. - Author Unknown (to me, anyway)

This is how it should be. My grandpa was a bus driver, so I get angry when they are threatened or accosted. Criminals think people will sit by and let them be assholes. Let's keep letting them know we're willing to fight to keep a civil society.

Cecil gets one wrong. To be fair, this article is from 1980, and technology has vastly improved since then. To save money (and energy), you should always turn the lights off when they are not needed.

Your We Still Hate the Push-off leader.

Men Who Mean Just What They Say

Please hug a veteran today. Or buy them a beer. Yeah, buy them a beer instead.

Marty Beckerman scores again. The funny thing is, I've been reading his work for 10 years or so, and I never considered him a rabid right-winger. Sure, he was appearing on Fox News, but his writing always has held an undercurrent of obscene libertarianism, in the "I want to keep my money, but I want to spend it on drugs and hookers" sense of the word. His description of himself doesn't match what I've ever gotten from him, but I'm glad he's able to see how a person can change.

Sign him now!

Sean Hannity is a Twit.

Again, please let our veterans know they are appreciated. They keep us safe and give us the ability to enjoy things like the Vikings being 7-1 and running away with the NFC North division.

Your Fearless Men leader.

Form A Line To The Throne (Vikings 2-0)

I say play the playoff (if necessary) at Target Field. I also say the Twins should make it unnecessary.

Not much to mention from the Vikings game. It's weird to think that 92 yards rushing and a touchdown is disappointing, though.

(Closed Circuit to the Baseball Writers Association: Mauer for MVP!)

Can one of my lawyer readers answer this question: If you settle a lawsuit, and part of the settlement is that the defendant doesn't admit guilt, and the plaintiff's attorney then comes right out and says, "$200,000 sounds like an admission of misconduct to me," should the plaintiff's attorney forfeit all of his fee and be disbarred for breaking the agreement?

Maybe it's just me, but I think knowingly exposing someone to a deadly disease should be more than a misdemeanor.

A Florida man was arrested after killing his family. He said he wanted to kill himself, but that he wouldn't get into heaven if he committed suicide. Murdering 6 people doesn't bar you from heaven, but killing yourself afterward does? He also claims an evil spirit made him kill his family. I'm pretty sure that's a valid defense in Florida.

Muammar Qadaffi calls U.N. Security Council "Terrorism Council." Oddly, he then asked for a permanent seat for Libya.

Happy Birthday, Boss!

Your Looking For Overexposure leader.

It Came Out Magical (Vikings 1-0)

So it took a Vikings game to pull me out from my not intentional blogging hiatus.

And what a game it was. Sure, the 1st half was a little sloppy, but Adrian Peterson will not be denied. I like what I'm seeing from the Vikes, and am looking forward to what they will do next week against the Lions. Speaking of whom, has any team gone 0-16 two seasons in a row?

Why haven't I been blogging? Well, I worked 14 out of 15 days in a row, most of it at the State Fair. The Fair is always a good time, though the Kid Rock concert brought out some rowdy folk.

Also, The Affiliate has been lonly without The Hillock, so we adopted 2 kittens.

That's Aristotle on the left and Joules on the right. We'll be bringing them home after our trip to Las Vegas.

A trip to celebrate my 30th birthday on Thursday.

OK, time to watch the season finale of "True Blood."

Your Really I'm Just Lazy leader.

Disappointed Man, Where've You Been?

Ladies and Gentlemen ... we don't got him. I don't worry. They've got T-Ja ... Sage Rosenf ... John David Boo ... OK, they're screwed. At least they signed Antoine Winfield. Had the Vikings not signed him, he might have signed with Green Bay, Chicago or Det ... He might have signed with the Packers or the Bears.

Crack is whack.

Best Headline Ever: Snakes Escape From Man's Pants, Cause SUV To Crash

You're welcome.

Your QB Controversy leader.

Quick Note

A brief history, and present, of a game.

It's time for the U.S to get back at Brazil. (Yeah, right.)

*Update* The U.S played extremely well, but were unable to hold off Brazil. 3-2 final, but far better than I thought it would be. Looking forward to 2010!

#4

Ladies and gentlemen ... Brett Favre ... we got 'im!

That is all.

Your Interceptions leader.

Think They'll Know Where This Boy's Got To Go

Chicago was a smashing success. Well, except for being booked in two hotels over two nights and staying in neither of them. In fact, one hotel, The Inn of Chicago (Motto: We Don't Need, Nor Do We Want, Your Business), was overbooked on Saturday night. The Hotel Yorba this place was not. Maybe overbooking is common for hotels, but if so, you really need to be able to put your customers somewhere nearby.

(Do Not Attempt To Stay At This Hotel)

Again, it was Saturday night. We were a group of 12 with 4 rooms booked. It was 4:00 pm and we'd been drinking since 10 am. The first hour we sat and waited, we were assured we'd be getting a room at a nearby downtown hotel. After another hour we were told we'd have to stay near the airport. Which was not what 12 drunk people who were working on about 3 1/2 hours of sleep with 2 vehicles holding all of our gear a block away wanted to hear.

We ended up staying at the Hotel Sofitel near the airport. But not before 4 hours had passed and we got the Inn of Chicago (Motto: We're Poorly Run, Yet Surprisingly Expensive) to pay for our cabs to the new hotel and got our rooms paid for. We also drank much of the booze at the hotel bar on their dime, which was nice. But we were robbed of a fun night in downtown Chicago by the aggrevation. I wasn't involved in the booking, but I'm assured that those who were will not let this bullshit go.

On the other hand, the Twins won on Saturday. Wrigley Field is a wonderful place to watch baseball, and I recommend it no matter the Cubs' opponent. Our upper deck seats near the right field foul pole were still pretty good.
Kubel hit a home run literally out of the park right past us. It landed on the street outside of right field. Some kind passerby threw the ball back into the park, which I thought was quite nice.

That's a shot of Nick Punto on 1st Base. I figured it may be the last time I ever see it happen, so I took a picture. Actually, it was funny because my Brother ripped on Punto through the first 2 innings, and some Twins fans in front of us defended Punto. Punto then ripped a nice single, and didn't even slide headfirst. My Brother was crushed.

Anyway, some things I learned on my trip:
-Booking a hotel room is only a suggestion
-When the hotel gives you free drinks, it's time to go top shelf
-Chicago deep dish is highly overrated
-Cubs fans and Twins fans can both agree that the White Sox suck
-This is the coolest bar name ever

So, despite the hotel problems, we had a good time. I'm just pissed on principle. And I must say, I do love Chicago's train system.

Your Blue Line leader.

I'm Through Humoring You

I'm watching the Twins attempt to beat Oakland as I type this, so there may be interruptions.

In Monty Pythonesque fashion, Minnesota has gone from winter, to a short spring then straight into autumn. I'm enjoying the cool temps, but a little summer would be nice come July at the folks' place.

They found the tail section of Flight 447. The story I linked doesn't say it, but a radio report said they are close to finding the "black boxes." The term black box is, of course, not literal. There is more than one flight recorder. Also, they aren't necessarily black. "Black box" is a catch all term, and really shouldn't be plural. It's either "flight recorders" or "black box." Of course, aviation professionals are more than welcome to call me an idiot on this.

It's been an expensive week for me. The Affiliate and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary by eating way too much steak at Manny's steak house. We got a free piece of Bailey's Irish Cream cake because we were celebrating, which was cool because we had Irish Cream cake at the wedding. When I say piece of cake, I'm not really capturing the size of the "piece" we got.

I'll also give praise to our server, Rhett. He was entertaining and assured the Affiliate that Lois the Lobster, who was brought to our table, would not be served as dinner that evening.

I also had to pick up the Affiliate's birthday present, since that's at the end of the month. I need to donate to her 3-Day Walk as well. And I'm headed to Chicago Friday to catch a couple of games at Wrigley Field.

Mauer gets a single to left! Rally time! Come on, Morneausie!

Here's a commercial with another guy I know in the entertainment business. He's covered in snakes! His name is Alex Holmes, and apparently he's going to be on something called "iCarly" on Saturday, if you're interested.

Not that TV appearances are that helpful. There was a storyline on "Scrubs" this last year involving Ted getting a girlfriend, played by Kate Miccuci. The two sang a song that I thought was very cute. I also had heard of "Garfunkel & Oates," a name that I found amusing. I had never seen any videos from them, though. Of course, it wasn't until today I learned that Miccuci is part of G&O, and the song in "Scrubs" was a modified version of their song, "Fuck You." (Video not safe for work, and if you didn't figure that out you need to quit using the internet right now.)



Double play. No rally.

Conservatives are easily grossed out. Not that most people like maggots. Well, entomologists, maybe.

Twins lose. Again.

Your Busy leader.

It's The Time Of The Season For Loving

I've pulled the glass sliver from my foot, and I'm ready to go. (Actually, a co-worker pulled it out, for which I'm very greatful.) Things could always be worse. Please be very careful riding your bikes, and for Hastur's sake quit riding the wrong way down the street!

Everyone's talking about Boston PD using Twitter to tell people if there's a zombie invasion. I don't buy it. There's no need to create panic just because one cop got bitten by a zombie. In fact, it would be irresponsible to tell people about an isolated zombie attack, as it would cause a huge panic. Plus, Beth Israel in Boston has the antidote. I'm told I'm not supposed to talk about the antidote nothing at all. (Thanks to MnObserver for the link)

Anyway, Boston zombies would include some of the great minds of American history, so I wish the Boston PD luck.

I'm not sure what this video is supposed to mean, but the answer is, "Yes, I do like boobs a lot."

He's sorry he said it, but I'm sure he meant it. Metaphorically, of course. Politicians and cops are natural enemies forced to work together, like peanut butter and jelly.

The Twins don't seem to get the concept of the 9 inning game. You only need one more run that the other team. You can't carry over the other 18 runs into any other games. On the other hand, let Joe Mauer keep doing what he's doing.

And though I'm sure they don't need it from me, a quick link to The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe, a fabulous podcast about science.

Your New Windows leader.

Secret Destroyers Hold You Up To The Flames

I didn't fill out an NCAA basketball bracket. This is because I don't follow college basketball and end up picking the local teams or the funniest team names. My Final Four ends up being Minnesota, Ball State, Gonzaga, and Morehead State. The fact that Ball State isn't even in the tournament this year wouldn't play into my picks at all.

So I cheered for the Gophers, and now I'm back to playing a villain in Fallout 3. I totally blew up a nuclear bomb that happened to be the hub for a small city. Mua ha ha HA!

In space, no one can hear you scream, "Hey! You're putting that together wrong!"

On a more somber note, , 3 cops were killed in Oakland. Let's keep them in our thoughts today. Oh, and if you want to make a Sarah Jane Olson joke in regards to this; fuck you.

Seriously.

Your Please Donate leader.

My Time Is A Piece Of Wax

Go Gophers hockey team.

That is all.

Next To This Mole See The Gaping Hole

UPDATE: Gophers get 10 seed in the East. Way to go, Tubby!

Mischke's back!

Sure, it's a web-stream, but hopefully soon it'll be podcasted so I can download it and listen at work.

Between Dan Savage and now Mischke, City Pages is keeping life interesting. I can forgive losing Tom Tomorrow for now.

Today is just beautiful. I actually opened the windows because I was hot. Awesome.

Not so awesome. First off, if you're contractually obligated to pay a bonus, doesn't that make it just a salary? Secondly, are 400 people really going to jump ship in this economy because they didn't get a bonus? How do you find a new job? "Yes, I caused my last company to be bought out by the U.S. government, and then I left because they didn't reward me for destroying the company. I'm looking for $2.5 million a year and guaranteed bonuses." Finally, if these are the best out there, how does any business survive? Maybe AIG should look into people at businesses that didn't die to replace these folks.

I haven't decided how I feel about this group. I may have to pop in and see just how serious they are. A zombie apocalypse plan for the U of M is a good idea, but it had better be solid.

Go Gophers.

Your On The Bubble leader.

Everbody Wants A Rock To Tie A Piece Of String Around

Actually, while I would like a rock, what I'd really like is a quarterback for the Vikings. And not one of the Heisman Trophy winners coming out of college. Cassel would be nice if he's available, but I hear he may be leading the Patriots to another non-playoff season next year.

Any other suggestions?

As a side note, the other team I usually cheer for lost, so now I have thing to say: "Go Chargers!"