Alia Iacta

I made a joke last week that Bigfoot is real, and clearly a ghost, which is why there is no evidence for him.

Someone is listening in on my conversations.



Off to Venezia tomorrow, then Rome and Neopolis. It'll be nice to be out of touch for a week. (Not really. Our hotel in Rome has free Wi-Fi. Oh well.)

Your I Believe Carthage Should Be Destroyed leader.

It's Spanish For "The Vegas"

Kanye, even the president thinks you're a jackass. That's why these are funny.

Eddie Izzard for MP! (I'm guessing he'd join a long line of cross-dressing English politicians.)

And now I'm off to the City of Lights, Las Vegas.

(I'm being told that the City of Lights is Paris. I've been to Paris and Las Vegas. Las Vegas has way more lights. It also has Paris.) Can I be DK at a Pai Gow table by 6 o'clock? All signs point to "yes."

Your Double Down leader.

Think They'll Know Where This Boy's Got To Go

Chicago was a smashing success. Well, except for being booked in two hotels over two nights and staying in neither of them. In fact, one hotel, The Inn of Chicago (Motto: We Don't Need, Nor Do We Want, Your Business), was overbooked on Saturday night. The Hotel Yorba this place was not. Maybe overbooking is common for hotels, but if so, you really need to be able to put your customers somewhere nearby.

(Do Not Attempt To Stay At This Hotel)

Again, it was Saturday night. We were a group of 12 with 4 rooms booked. It was 4:00 pm and we'd been drinking since 10 am. The first hour we sat and waited, we were assured we'd be getting a room at a nearby downtown hotel. After another hour we were told we'd have to stay near the airport. Which was not what 12 drunk people who were working on about 3 1/2 hours of sleep with 2 vehicles holding all of our gear a block away wanted to hear.

We ended up staying at the Hotel Sofitel near the airport. But not before 4 hours had passed and we got the Inn of Chicago (Motto: We're Poorly Run, Yet Surprisingly Expensive) to pay for our cabs to the new hotel and got our rooms paid for. We also drank much of the booze at the hotel bar on their dime, which was nice. But we were robbed of a fun night in downtown Chicago by the aggrevation. I wasn't involved in the booking, but I'm assured that those who were will not let this bullshit go.

On the other hand, the Twins won on Saturday. Wrigley Field is a wonderful place to watch baseball, and I recommend it no matter the Cubs' opponent. Our upper deck seats near the right field foul pole were still pretty good.
Kubel hit a home run literally out of the park right past us. It landed on the street outside of right field. Some kind passerby threw the ball back into the park, which I thought was quite nice.

That's a shot of Nick Punto on 1st Base. I figured it may be the last time I ever see it happen, so I took a picture. Actually, it was funny because my Brother ripped on Punto through the first 2 innings, and some Twins fans in front of us defended Punto. Punto then ripped a nice single, and didn't even slide headfirst. My Brother was crushed.

Anyway, some things I learned on my trip:
-Booking a hotel room is only a suggestion
-When the hotel gives you free drinks, it's time to go top shelf
-Chicago deep dish is highly overrated
-Cubs fans and Twins fans can both agree that the White Sox suck
-This is the coolest bar name ever

So, despite the hotel problems, we had a good time. I'm just pissed on principle. And I must say, I do love Chicago's train system.

Your Blue Line leader.

I'm Through Humoring You

I'm watching the Twins attempt to beat Oakland as I type this, so there may be interruptions.

In Monty Pythonesque fashion, Minnesota has gone from winter, to a short spring then straight into autumn. I'm enjoying the cool temps, but a little summer would be nice come July at the folks' place.

They found the tail section of Flight 447. The story I linked doesn't say it, but a radio report said they are close to finding the "black boxes." The term black box is, of course, not literal. There is more than one flight recorder. Also, they aren't necessarily black. "Black box" is a catch all term, and really shouldn't be plural. It's either "flight recorders" or "black box." Of course, aviation professionals are more than welcome to call me an idiot on this.

It's been an expensive week for me. The Affiliate and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary by eating way too much steak at Manny's steak house. We got a free piece of Bailey's Irish Cream cake because we were celebrating, which was cool because we had Irish Cream cake at the wedding. When I say piece of cake, I'm not really capturing the size of the "piece" we got.

I'll also give praise to our server, Rhett. He was entertaining and assured the Affiliate that Lois the Lobster, who was brought to our table, would not be served as dinner that evening.

I also had to pick up the Affiliate's birthday present, since that's at the end of the month. I need to donate to her 3-Day Walk as well. And I'm headed to Chicago Friday to catch a couple of games at Wrigley Field.

Mauer gets a single to left! Rally time! Come on, Morneausie!

Here's a commercial with another guy I know in the entertainment business. He's covered in snakes! His name is Alex Holmes, and apparently he's going to be on something called "iCarly" on Saturday, if you're interested.

Not that TV appearances are that helpful. There was a storyline on "Scrubs" this last year involving Ted getting a girlfriend, played by Kate Miccuci. The two sang a song that I thought was very cute. I also had heard of "Garfunkel & Oates," a name that I found amusing. I had never seen any videos from them, though. Of course, it wasn't until today I learned that Miccuci is part of G&O, and the song in "Scrubs" was a modified version of their song, "Fuck You." (Video not safe for work, and if you didn't figure that out you need to quit using the internet right now.)



Double play. No rally.

Conservatives are easily grossed out. Not that most people like maggots. Well, entomologists, maybe.

Twins lose. Again.

Your Busy leader.

Ich Wär So Gerne Millionär

Do you speak German? You could live in 7 of the Top 10 Best Places to Live. Here's the list:

1. Vienna
2. Zürich
3. Geneva
4. (tie) Vancouver, Canada
4. (tie) Auckland, New Zealand
6. Düsseldorf, Germany
7. Munich
8. Frankfurt
9. Bern, Switzerland
10. Sydney

Honolulu is the top rated U.S. city, at number 29.

Obviously cost of living isn't a big part of the rankings.

Of course, if I could get paid to lay in bed and drink coffee, maybe I'd be able to afford it.

And here's the reason Cincinatti wasn't in the top 10. Apparently city officials think a mannequin outside a BBQ join was just a little too sexy. Yes, the owners were forced to dress a hunk of plastic more conservatively. God bless America!

Your Blue Danube leader.

Under the Sea

Well, I'm back from my cruise. While the weather wasn't perfect, it was better than in Minnesota, so I can't complain.

The last night was the only one that wasn't cloudy, so here's a beautiful Caribbean sunset and two Minnesotans who hadn't seen the sun in 5 months. (Yes, I'm wearing a festive shirt. Deal with it.)

I got The Affiliate an underwater camera for X-mas. This is what it can do.


Which was really cool, because after a day snorkling like any old chump, we got to go scuba diving.
That's me breathing underwater! Like Aquaman, but less lame.

"I just saw a fish this big!"

This guy wasn't interested in a photo ...


but this couple posed quickly for me.


Seriously, with friends like these ...


yeah, I'm not going to finish that one. (Sure I am - Who needs anemones?)

The highlight of the dive (and possibly of the trip) was the swim-by of this turtle, whom I named Señor Tortuga.


He was simply defending his 'hood coral.



Seriously, we're breathing underwater! How fucking cool is that? Apparently in the U.S. you have to have "certification" and "training" to scuba dive. Not in St. Maarten/Martin. We came out OK, so it turned out to be a great day.

I'll have some more when I figure out which pics are from where.

Your Fun in the Sun leader.

Honeymoon Part 2: Paris

So, after London, we tunneled under the North Sea and ended up in Paris, the Most Romantic City on Earth. I figure it's romantic because of all of the collonnes.


How can you not be in a romantic mood with all of those giant phalluses all over the place.

Of course, the biggest phallic symbol of all, la Tour l'Eiffel.

I was feeling a bit inadequate in that photo.

We stayed near the jardin des tuileries. They tell me jardin is French for Garden. Here's a picture of a French garden.

In contrast, here are some shots from the rose garden in Hyde Park in London.

Just sayin'.

Here's us making the garden much prettier.

The Seine, the Most Romantic River on Earth.


Champs Elysee, the Most Romantic Street on Earth.

Of course, inside of the Pantheon is the Most Romantic Pendulum Clock ... you get the point.

The Pantheon was interesting. It's a secular church. The French inter their most beloved artists, philosophers and statesmen in the crypt below. I'm impressed that artists and writers are so revered in France that they are given a place of honor that isn't Graceland. They have great debates in Parliament on whether certain people should be let in. On the other hand, if we had that here, Hemingway would be interred next to Notorious B.I.G., so maybe it's for the best we don't have this.

This picture was taken expressly for Chris.

It was some kind of frozen food shop, not a starship factory.

Here we have the Arc de Triomph.

And here is the less popular Arc de Stalemate.


Of course everyone knows about the exquisite french cuisine. I must admit, this was one of the best meals I've ever eaten.

That's a hamburger patty with an egg on top. No shit, it's absolutely fantastic.

Most people don't know that Joan of Arc turned to stone seconds before she burned to death, and is kept at Notre Dame until technology can turn her back.

Finally, the Lourve. What can I say? I love museums, but not when I can't read anything written about the pieces. Yes, it's in France, but I've seen museums with descriptions written in 20 different languages, so my guess is it's possible to write in other than French.

As an aside, if you can't read French and/or don't like museums, you can skip the Louvre and still claim you went there. If anyone asks what it was like, just say the Mona Lisa was smaller than you thought it would be. Anyone who has seen it will believe you saw it.

Yep. That's it, with half of a human head as a scale.

Well, that's all for France. We actually took about 230 pictures, but I don't have the tenacity to come up with a funny caption for that many pictures. Hell, I wasn't able to do it for the ones I posted.

Your Bon Soir leader.

Honeymoon Part 1: London, England

Well, we're still married, even after 8 days together. I don't have any wedding pictures yet, at least not in digital form. So here are some pics from London.


Yeah, that set the tone for the whole honeymoon.

I waited for David Tennant to step out of this thing for 20 minutes, then remembered that he travels in a blue police box.

Aren't we just adorable? (Don't worry. There are only about 10 pictures that actually have us in them, and only 2 more with both of us.)

The Rosetta Stone, at the British Museum. Did you know that most of the museums in London are free? You could spend days seeing all kinds of cool stuff without spending anything more than airfare.

Me with various antiquities. I'm thinking of growing a beard on the advice of that Assyrian sphinx on the right.

Big Stone Head is angry!
Garuda to the rescue!

This is the oldest working clock in the world, located in Salisbury Cathedral. (Not pictured: the flashing "12:00.")
The Affiliate and I right after the ritual human sacrifice at Stonehenge (Motto: The best Henge in the world)
The hills on the horizon are in Wales. If you look closely, you can see all of the sheep running in terror.

At the Tower of London, The Affiliate realizes she is sorely under-dressed.

This was our hotel lobby. We are, after all, classy people.

Paris pictures to come soon.

It Doesn't Look Gay

Hopefully this comes across in English and not French.

Just a quick post to say I'm in a hotel in Paris, watching Holland hand it to the French in the Euro Cup. (I'm still sore about Croatia over Germany.) I'm thinking of finding a bar for the second half to mock the frogs here.

There was no free Internet in London, but we had blast. I'll be posting plenty lof pictures when we get back.

Your Bon Soir leader.