I Am A Fighter Who's Not Made A Fist (Vikings 5-4)

Yes! Tied for first (again). Game balls on defense to an injured Jared Allen and Madieu Williams, who made a tremendous stop on the penultimate play to force a 52 yard field goal attempt, which, of course, was missed. On offense, Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor combined for 337 of Minnesotas 371 offensive yards. Ye-gads!

It was the top on a great day. I got a buck with actual antlers this morning as well. It's a good sized deer, and should be some good eating. I also got to dig around in its guts, which was cool. T. Hussein Mississippifarian should be happy. There are 4 fewer deer roaming Aitkin county today because of my hunting party. Another guy actually cock-blocked one buck. He got the doe as well. So no baby rats deer for them.

I'll have pictures soon.

Your Venison leader.

And Now ... Endorsements!

I forgot to mention the dark side of hunting. I got very little sleep, and was forced to pee in an ice cream bucket like a common hobo. Also, I'd like to point out that the picture in the previous post is a stock photo and isn't actually me. After all, everyone knows that the real DiscordianStooge wears glasses.

On an unrelated note, I'm really enjoying the contact lenses I just got on Tuesday.

On to the endorsements, courtesy of the Discordian Church, Minnesota Stooge Synod.

Governor: Dr. Eldritch. In these trying times of ours, we need a strong leader with real answers. Especially to fake questions. Dr. Eldritch has the wisdom to lead, and the intelligence to solve the pressing problems of our time. Illegal immigration has gotten a lot of headlines, but only Dr. Eldritch has the know-how to deal with illegal extra-dimensional immigration, which, considering the growing wormhole near Mora, is a real concern. And as Lt. Governor, Trevor the Troll has promised to be tough on Level 3 sex offenders by devouring them whole. He also has a comprehensive E-85 plan.

Attorney General: Jack McCoy. "Hang-Em High" McCoy is the obvious choice to represent Minnesotans in court. As a New York City ADA, he has sent countless murderers to prison. Now is the time for us to put his skills to use fighting corporate greed or whatever it is the AG does.

Secretary of State: Pam Beesly. She can handle Michael Scott as a secretary at Dunder-Mifflin. That's enough for me.

State Auditor: http://qntm.org/destroy#current Not the guy who wrote it, but the actual web site should be auditor. Because who really cares?

U.S. Senate: Amy Klobuchar. Even if she does actually exist, I think she'd make a good senator and she didn't run a bunch of attack ads. Plus, Mark Kennedy really creeps me out.

That's it from here. I'm not weighing in on the House of Reps races because I'm tired and the joke was already too thin to begin with.

Vote on Tuesday. If you don't, Nahina will come for you, so keep plenty of kitties and pumpkins available.

Your Never Vote For A Winner leader.

Drop It Like It's Hot

The Minnesota Deer Hunting (Rifle) season started at 6:25 AM today. At 6:27AM I shot my first deer ever. At least I'm claiming it was a deer. It's about the size of my cat. In my defense, my cat is really fat. Anyway, I am just happy I was able to hit the thing. If you're an animal activist of some kind, it's not a real deer. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Your The Deer Hunter leader.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part.

Ok. Here's the deal. I know I said I would have my endorsements tonight. Unfortunately, I had to run 6.2 miles today, and then go Drink liberally. I also have to clean my gun. SO I'll endorse sometime between trying to shoot Bambi this weekend. However, I have decided to reprint my endorsement from the 2004 presidential election, just to keep your mouths watering.

(Originally posted 10/21/2004)

Well, it's that time of year. Political spots have been wittled down to, "You're a poopy head." "Yeah, well you're a doody-pooty head!"

As a Discordian Stooge, I have decided on endorsing a candidate. George W. Bush has been putting in a lot of hard work, and John Kerry has a plan, but there is a candidate who is literally heads above the rest. And that candidate is Demogorgon.

Demogorgon will be strong on terrorism. Considering that at his "dread name the trembling Furies quake," and that he controls the armies of the netherworld, can it be long before the War on Terror (TM) is won? Also, rebuilding Iraq should be simple for a progenitor God whose power created all of the gods themselves. Other nations will bow before his might, making America popular in the world once again.

Also, being all-powerful, Demogorgon is not beholden to any special interests. Some might say that most special interests are, in fact, beholden to him. His health care plan involves drastically reducing costs by culling the sick and infirm, casting them into the depths of the Abyss, but of course sacrifices must be made by all of us.

Of course, one must look at the whole ticket. It has been said that Demogorgon chose Yog-Sothoth as his running mate mostly to shore up the Elder God vote, but this overlooks Yog-Sothoth's ability to literally build a gate to the future. And the the past as well. In fact, he is the gate. Sure, Dick Cheney may seem more presidential, but whom would you rather have in power if the President were to die? A man with a failing heart, an inexperienced Senator, or the "All-in-One and One-in-All of limitless being and self"?

Sure, the Demogorgon/Yog-Sothoth ticket is only on the ballot in 17 states. This should not stop us from voting for the best candidates. These beings have a vision for the future. Or visions of the future. Either way, they are the best hope for America.

You Decide.

I approbate this missve,
DS