Tuesday, February 27, 2007

I Want to Make You Move, Because You're Standing Still

OK. I feel better now. We got about 13 inches here Staurday night. Of snow, I mean. Ahem.

Speaking of which, remember when Tim Hardaway said he hates gay people? Of course, Hardaway is what psychologists call a "huge asshole" (c. Bill Mahr). George Takei, on the other hand, is a wonderfully forgiving human being.

It's true, I'm told.

Continuing the theme of butts and sex (c. Swiftee), the host of this party is a friend of mine. She has not, however, convinced me to stick anything up my ass. She may have won this guy over, though.

Your Let's Forget this Ever Happened leader.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

You Don't Need a Weatherman to Know Which Way the Wind Blows

It was coming. The great winter storm of 2007. 12-18 inches in 2 days. Pandemonium was to reign. Kool-Aid Report had the warnings.
I love snow. I have today off of work, so I was going to sit back with some coffee, then later hot chocolate, then maybe a glass or two of McCallan 12 Year. Instead, got this:

All of a sudden, last night the predictions got changed from 8-12 inches (already down from earlier in the week) to 3-6 inches over 2 days. This is what fell over Friday night. (Note: the big red snowflake is just a window sticky thing, not an actual red snowflake, which would have made this a completely different post.)

I've heard it said that weathermen are wrong to often to trust them, but right too often to ignore them. They haven't been right at all this winter. There was a day they predicted 3 inches of snow, and no snow fell at all.

I'm ready to move to upstate New York, just so I can get some decent snow. Who's with me?

Your Pile It On leader.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

The Slithy Toves Did Gyre and Gimble in the Wabe

Just attempting to avoid the Vorpal Sword here.

No one explained this quote meme thing, so I'll just throw some quotes out. Expect not the profound, and then maybe you won't be disappointed. Maybe.

1. "I'm sick or running away. Did Braveheart run away? Did Payback run away?" - Homer Simpson (To Mel Gibson)

2. "Belief is the death of intelligence. As soon as one believes a doctrine of any sort, or assumes certitude, one stops thinking about that aspect of existence." - Robert Anton Wilson

3. "Just enough knowledge to know I don't know anything." - Harvey Danger, "Radio Silence"

4. "When I read about the dangers of drinking, I gave up reading." - W. C. Fields

“I would never do crack ... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?” - Denis Leary

Whom shall I tag. Hmmm, OK - LappDogg, T.K, Smartie, Brian, DAV

Of course, I don't threaten others with possible beheading (pending a confirmed critical hit), so feel free to ignore me.

Your Did He Just Say That? leader.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Baby, It's Cold Outside

What will the fetuses-before-people crowd think of next? Oh; this.

Legislation introduced in Tennessee would require death certificates for aborted fetuses, which likely would create public records identifying women who have abortions.

Will spontaneous abortions (read: miscarriages) be included in this. Or does it not count when "god" kills a baby? Are we going to give a Social Security number as soon as a woman is known to be pregnant? How about letting kids who are 20 years and 3 months old drink? We need to credit them for those 9 months in the womb, after all.

I don't imagine there's much chance we can give the pregnant women medical care to take care of those little unborn lives.

The last part of the quote is the key. It will "expose" women who have had abortions. Because they are evil and need to be shown for the harlots they are.

Abortion is a medical procedure that is covered by data privacy rights. This is a bad attempt to get around this. Republicans still value privacy, right? Oh; right.

In lighter news, our urinal cakes are becoming sentient. Not really, but I guess it's a good message.

Your Pissing in the Wind leader.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Oooh Oooh Child, Things Are Gonna Get Easier


Never forget.

c. Paul Allen

Your NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! leader.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

DiscordianStooge Will Crush You Where You Stand!!!!

I must point out that my highest super-villain score is only 64%. But I like the ring of "Dr. Doom."
Your results:
You are Dr. Doom

Dr. Doom
Lex Luthor
The Joker
Poison Ivy
Mr. Freeze
Dark Phoenix
Green Goblin
Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity.

Click here to take the "Which Super Villain are you?" quiz...

Monday, February 05, 2007

Supersonic Overdrive

Congratulations Colts! Way to cover the spread.

It was Prince, the Purple One himself, who is drawing my ire. Not because of his phallic guitar. Because despite his prolific career of music, he managed to play songs by CCR and The Foo Fighters. The guy has a music library of his own bigger than my dick. He couldn't have trotted out "Erotic City" for The Affiliate and me? It was mediocre, but I guess it didn't totally suck, like most half-time shows.

The commercials, on the other hand, were terrible. Nothing really funny at all. I think the talking turtle made me chuckle a little. What a disappointment.

I was listening to Drudge on the radio (yeah, I don't know why either), and a guy called up all happy because the fans at the Super Bowl were booing Muhsein Muhammad, because "he has a Muslim last name." Now, I always thought Drudge was the guy who dug under the surface for the truth. Of course, this man who knows so much didn't realize they weren't saying "Boo!" they were saying "Boo-urns!" Wait, they were saying, "Moooo-vers!" Seriously, the guys first name is pronounced "Moose-in," and the Bears fans yell "MOOOOOSE!" when he makes a catch. Kind of like when Pooh Richardson played for the Wolves.

Anyway, when the game is the most exciting part of the Super Bowl, it's a sad night.

Your Not So Super leader.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Ice on My Fingers and My Toes

("Aqua Teen Hunger Force Theme")

The cold has come. -9 degrees F isn't so bad. That's negative 9, by the way. Fahrenheit (The one that doesn't make any basic sense, but is more accurate than Celcius). It's better than 100 degrees and sunny. One can always put more clothes on, but one can only take so much off before being arrested. Or so totally sunburned as to wish you had been. Anyway, the cold keeps out the riff-raff.

I'm Traumatized! Our brave astro-men will defeat the evil Mooninites and their 7,000 dimensions. Already, the enemy has used its Foreigner belt to make Minnesota "Cold as Ice."

(pic via Fecke as well)

When I first heard this story, they said an Adult Swim cartoon had caused a terror alert in Boston. I immediately said "Must be 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force,'", to which my trainer said "Huh," having never heard of "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." But I knew deep down that I was right. And I was.

The definition of integrity

Apparently eagles are getting starved for attention.

Finally, here's your chance to learn something you should already know.

Your Cryogenic leader.