The Spinoff Has Arrived

K.G. was born today at 0321 hrs. I'd post a picture, but there are people out there with no shame or sense of human decency who like to act in uncouth ways, even when children are involved.

So you're getting a baby tapir instead.



Anyway, we're very happy and healthy. Thanks.

Your Happy Dad leader.

It Came Out Magical (Vikings 1-0)

So it took a Vikings game to pull me out from my not intentional blogging hiatus.

And what a game it was. Sure, the 1st half was a little sloppy, but Adrian Peterson will not be denied. I like what I'm seeing from the Vikes, and am looking forward to what they will do next week against the Lions. Speaking of whom, has any team gone 0-16 two seasons in a row?

Why haven't I been blogging? Well, I worked 14 out of 15 days in a row, most of it at the State Fair. The Fair is always a good time, though the Kid Rock concert brought out some rowdy folk.

Also, The Affiliate has been lonly without The Hillock, so we adopted 2 kittens.

That's Aristotle on the left and Joules on the right. We'll be bringing them home after our trip to Las Vegas.

A trip to celebrate my 30th birthday on Thursday.

OK, time to watch the season finale of "True Blood."

Your Really I'm Just Lazy leader.

R.I.P. Vladamir (1994-2009)

Vladamir (Formerly known as "The Mountain That Walks;" aka "The Hillock") passed away this afternoon. Some pictures to remember him by:

He'd hate that I put this picture up.

Yes, cats can eat crab.

Of course, he's escaped from the horror that is Santa Cthulu.

Vladamir hated other animals, but he loved his people. And we loved him. May he now have all of the Skittles and Potato Chips he can eat.

Good night, sweet kitty.

The Moth Don't Care If The Flame Is Real

Videos abound!

So, the President had Officer Crowley and Professor Gates over for beers, and all went well. Things could have been a lot worse. Or better.


I bought my Palm Pre despite the awful commercials.



Little did I know the depths of the evil I was getting into.



G4, as usual, came to the rescue. Things may not have worked out quite as planned.

Video Games - E3 2009 - Attack of the Show

And finally, to lighten the mood, a writing exercise brought to life. This is, indeed, a fast brown vulpine hopping over a slothful canine. Or something like that. (via Jeff)



Your Covering For Having No Content leader.

Disappointed Man, Where've You Been?

Ladies and Gentlemen ... we don't got him. I don't worry. They've got T-Ja ... Sage Rosenf ... John David Boo ... OK, they're screwed. At least they signed Antoine Winfield. Had the Vikings not signed him, he might have signed with Green Bay, Chicago or Det ... He might have signed with the Packers or the Bears.

Crack is whack.

Best Headline Ever: Snakes Escape From Man's Pants, Cause SUV To Crash

You're welcome.

Your QB Controversy leader.

Oh, Shit, There's A Bear! Could You Hand Me That Shotgun, Buddy?

Yet another reason not to go to Ohio. It's crawling with bears. Or, at least, cardboard bear cutouts.



The Affiliate brought home a treat for dinner. Steak and crab legs on the grill make for a good meal. Now, as far as I can find, cats don't eat crab in the wild. You can't tell The Hillock that, though.


To be fair, cats don't eat Skittles in the wild either.

Who do you pray to when your saint is missing? Maybe they can call up a saint from Triple A until Anthony shows up.

Any movie about killing zombies is fine by me. If it has humor, that's even better. "Zombieland" looks to have plenty of both.

Your Put Down the Dead For Good leader.

No More Building Up; It Is Time To Dissolve

The California Supreme Court upheld "Proposition 8," a constitutional amendment defining marriage as between one man and one woman. While I whole-heartedly support gay marriage, the decision was legally correct. Opponents were in the undesirable position of arguing that the Constitution was itself unconstitutional. I'd imagine that the 18,000 or so marriages that were not annulled ex post facto, along with the increasing gay mariages in more progressive states like (wait, seriously?) Iowa, will show reasonable people that there's nothing to fear from gay marriage. Unreasonable folks, of course, will never be persuaded, because they're nuts.

Another city that didn't make the Top 10 Places To Live is Cleveland. The city has released a video to prove they deserve to be on the list. (NSFW)



There's a second video attempt as well.

In a shocking twist, Joe Soucheray doesn't like Twitter. Bet you didn't see that one coming.

If you're bringing your 12 year-old son drinking with you so he can drive you home, you might want to take a look at your drinking.

ZOO!!!


Your Girebra leader.

Congratulations!

WAY TO GO DANIELLE!!!!!!!!!!

I love you and am very proud of you.

This is a cat video just for you.



I IZ A SNAKE!

Put The Fake Goatee On

So last night The Hillock threw up all of his food and then started wobbling around the kitchen. After he walked into the wall, we realized he was having a bigger problem, so we gave him something to eat. For the first time ever, he wouldn't eat. Then he fell down.

After a quick consultation with Dr. SIL, we rushed him to an emergency all-night vet. (I wanted to just give him Skittles, but she said no.) He peed on The Affiliate on the way there. It turns out his blood sugar was 33. At around 30 seizures and coma set in.

Well, the doctors got his sugar up, and wanted him to stay all night. We love The Hillock, but $1,000 is a lot to spend on an old diabetic cat. We decided to take the chance bringing him home and keeping an eye on him.

I had to feed him every 1/2 hour. For the first time in a while, he didn't eat every scrap of food put out for him and beg for more. I think even he was saying, "Seriously, I'm not hungry anymore." But he made it through the night.

The vet today said he'll be fine, and has been getting too much insulin. He was actually feistier than he's been in a while when I picked him up.

Anyway, we discovered that limit of what we'll pay to save our pet. At least one as old and sick as The Hillock. But I don't think it will be an issue for a while.

In other news ...

Have you ever seen anything this horrific? Well, it may look worse than this guy, but I fear the bee much more.

This is something.

This is not.

And it is not November ... yet.

Your Nothing leader.

Under the Sea

Well, I'm back from my cruise. While the weather wasn't perfect, it was better than in Minnesota, so I can't complain.

The last night was the only one that wasn't cloudy, so here's a beautiful Caribbean sunset and two Minnesotans who hadn't seen the sun in 5 months. (Yes, I'm wearing a festive shirt. Deal with it.)

I got The Affiliate an underwater camera for X-mas. This is what it can do.


Which was really cool, because after a day snorkling like any old chump, we got to go scuba diving.
That's me breathing underwater! Like Aquaman, but less lame.

"I just saw a fish this big!"

This guy wasn't interested in a photo ...


but this couple posed quickly for me.


Seriously, with friends like these ...


yeah, I'm not going to finish that one. (Sure I am - Who needs anemones?)

The highlight of the dive (and possibly of the trip) was the swim-by of this turtle, whom I named Señor Tortuga.


He was simply defending his 'hood coral.



Seriously, we're breathing underwater! How fucking cool is that? Apparently in the U.S. you have to have "certification" and "training" to scuba dive. Not in St. Maarten/Martin. We came out OK, so it turned out to be a great day.

I'll have some more when I figure out which pics are from where.

Your Fun in the Sun leader.

Happy Thanksgiving

Screwed Us Both Again

So, through a convoluted process that I won't get into, but started with the god-awful movie "Carnosaur" being on at 3:45 am, I ended up on Wikipedia last night. What else is new?

I was reading about deinonychus, the kick ass dinosaur that is represented far better by the velociraptors in the significantly better than "Carnosaur" "Jurrasic Park" than actual velociraptors (which were much smaller than depicted in "JP"). Or so I thought.

They had this picture of what D. antirrhopus may have looked like:

Yes, those are feathers.

In the many years since I have studied dinosaurs, apparently it has been decided that most or all coelurosaurs had feathers. I have known since I was a kid that birds are dinosaurs, and I'd heard that it had been theorized that dinos might have feathers, but I didn't know that it had become so accepted that the main rendering of a deinonychus would be feathered.

Most people still call apatosaurus "brontosaurus," which hasn't been its name for 100 years or so. I wonder how long it will take people to see T-Rex not as a giant lizard, but more like Big Bird, if Big Bird had 5 inch long teeth and tiny arms.

I wonder if Joe Liberman ran for President as a Republican if he would still keep stay on the Democratic Party's good side. It sounds like a joke, but I wouldn't bet against it. The guy campaigned for Sen. McCain. Unless he votes 100% with what the Dem leadership wants, it makes no sense to keep him around. And I'm guessing the people of Connecticut would be against their elected officials doing solely what a party wants. If the Dems don't throw him out the first time he doesn't end a fillibuster, they deserve no support.

The 'Farian has stronger words on the subject.

And Alaska saves themselves from being named the craziest state in the union. The fact that a recently convicted multiple felon facing jail time (who boldly stated that he had not been convicted of anything) came as close as he did keeps them in the running, though. Also their large number of moose, considered by some to be the craziest of all animals. I wonder how the Democrat running the election in Alaska stole it for Mark Begich, who was behind on election night.

Don't write songs about shooting people when you actually shot them. At the very least, don't call them out by name. After all, we don't know exactly whom Johnny Cash shot just to watch die.

Your Terrible Bird leader.

If You Wanna Hang Out, You've Got To Take Her Out

It was crack. I'm glad that's cleared up. It made for an easy post title. I love that Dubay used the Randy Moss "someone borrowed my car and left the drugs in there" bit. Let this be a lesson to all. If your driver's license isn't up to snuff, don't carry drugs in your car. Also, never do a drug named after part of your own ass (c. Denis Leary).

Of course, since I'm writing from Fake America, my advice isn't really as good as others'. Here's a woman I assume is from real America, to let us know what's up.



"I can't imagine having a President of the United States being named Obama. I real have a problem with that." That's almost as bad as electing a Welshman!

A mother that was atheist? Oh! A father that was a Muslim. Oh oh! "That should get to everyone." At least she seemed to fear Muslims more than atheists. That's rare.

She says her husband knows the right way to vote. He certainly knows the right thing to tell her.

Thank you real America, for putting your views out in plain sight for us.

In closer real America news, Michele Bachmann made a "misstatement" when she called Barack Obama anti-American. Also, Chris Mathews laid a trap for her. Sure, he did. Why Obama would have called himself anti-American if he were lured into Mathews' dark "Hardball" lair. His cunning question of "Do you think Barack Obama is anti-American?" led Bachmann down a slippery slide into a poll of acidic juices that drowned her and digested her over time ... wait, that's not Chris Mathews, that's a pitcher plant.

Anyway, I wonder if Bachmann told Jason Lewis it was a misstatement when she was on his show on Monday, because Lewis says she was right on, and of course Obama is anti-American, and so are all liberals. In fact, anyone who disagrees with him is anti-American. Especially Colin Powell, that dirty liberal commie America hater (I'm paraphrasing). Good luck, Michele.

Speaking of Jason Lewis; The plague is back!

Officials said York was most likely exposed to the plague when he performed an autopsy on a mountain lion that had been infected and most likely killed by it.

First off, it's called a necropsy when done on an animal. I'm guessing the guy missed this news story from 2006. Pumas have been dying of plague for at least two years, and York maybe should have been a little more careful. So, if you've been playing around with dead cougars (the animal, not dead hot old ladies), get to the pharmacy.

On a side note, I referred to the animal in that story by 3 different names. I love puma concolor.

Your I Retract Everything I Just Said leader.

What's In Your Head?

This picture was brought to my attention by Ganesha at Pubhouse Dialogues:


He thought it might be The Hillock, but clearly this cat is not the size of a small province.

As for the message, summer brings out zombies. Something about the position of the sun and UV rays is amenable to the walking dead. So there's nothing to worry about. Unless the cat lives in the southern hemisphere.

Um, if you live with this cat and you're in the southern hemisphere, please let me know immediately.

I'd also like to take a moment to give belated thanks to Tild for her DiscordianStooge Brand crate label:

Special notice should be given to the "K" on the Golden Apple. That shows deeper knowledge of Discordianism that I would have thought Tild might have. I salute her. Although I don't know where Moe came from there.

Your Kallisti leader.

Somebody Save Me

I've woken up in what can only be described as "moderate-to-strong pain" the last two days, which means I haven't gotten to the club to work out, which means I am feeling lazy this week. Apparently I'm not sleeping very soundly, and I have no idea why.

Pain won't stop me from getting out to DL tonight. Rumor has it that PZ Myers, the guy who introduced me to lefty blogs, may be dragging his tentacled self out to the 331 Club tonight. I can't resist the siren's call....

Have you ever planned a wedding? Here's an exchange between The Affiliate and I from today:

A: Ok, do you want to walk your mom down the aisle before my brother walks my mom down, or do you want Brian to walk your mom down the aisle before my brother walks my mom and you will just walk around the side and get on the alter without walking down the aisle?

Big decisions!

Me:I'll walk my mom down. Although, I'm pretty sure she can walk by herself, being a grown woman and all. She's a tough cookie, you know. ;) Do I get to walk to the same song as everyone else? Or does that start after I'm already at the altar, checking my watch?

My wedding party march is "Scotland the Brave" from a great bagpipe music CD I have, by the way. It also happened to be my high school fight song, which is awesome.

This won't be served at the wedding: "Texan Faces charges Over Snake Vodka." Apparently he put baby rattlers in vodka and sold it without a liquor license. The man is also the "state's largest exporter of live turtles to Asia." That is something I would like to someday be. Although I'm not sure if he exports the most turtles to Asia, or if he simply has more volume than other exporters. Also, the fact that there are multiple live turtle exporters in Texas interests me.

We'll see how pissed The Affiliate is about this post. At least I didn't correct her spelling of "altar" publicly.

Oops.

Your Soon To Not Be Engaged leader.

March 1st ... No, Wait ... What Year Is It Again?

It's Leap Day. A very special day. The day we try and reconcile our calendar. Here's how we do it. Not the bibleists understand that.



OK, here's the thing. That's a video of a monkey riding a goat on a tightrope. Seriously. Also, the monkey does a handstand on the goat while it's on the tightrope. Simply awesome.

Everyone's favorite radio bloviator Michael Medved was going after Bill Cunningham for using Barack Obabma's middle name in a speech, calling it a cheap political smear. Which is funny, because I learned Obama's middle name in December of 2006 from ... wait for it ... Michael Medved, who called telling me Obama's middle name a "shocking revelation." I'm glad he has learned to take the high road, especially without pointing out his own trip down the low.

It looks like Mark has blogged himself out. I suppose that could be a good thing. We now all have enough time to go back and read all of those links he's been posting. You'd think that avoiding Drinking Liberally would give someone more time to write, but apparently not.

Speaking of DL, it was a small crowd last night. The inch or so of snow may have had something to do with it. Rumor is that Spotty was afraid to drive in from Cakeville. I can't blame him. He's a dog, and they aren't ever supposed to drive, let alone in slippery snow and ice. Christy (no link by her request) made it, however, and hopefully will continue to attend whether I'm there or not.

And a final blog question: What is with the changing site designs popping up around the ol' 'sphere? Kool-Aid Report went white background and sterile type. Then Jeremy at Afterglide did whatever the hell happened to that place, with more than half of the page taken up by whatever that shit on the right side is. Can we all agree that the majority of the page should be taken up by post content? No, I suppose not. However, I must point out that both Afterglide and KAR are poop-heavy content sites. Maybe that has something to do with the shitty layout. (See what I did there? Yeah, you do.)

Your 366 Days A Year leader.

I Don't Ever Wanna Taste These Tears Again

It's been a whole week, and absolutely nothing to write about. That's the funny thing about my blogging style. There could be big news stories, political wrangling and entertainment fixes, but it's possible that none of them appeal to me. Or I could just be too lazy to comment. You make the call.

Actually, the writer's strike ended too soon for me. I'd like to see "Journeyman" and "Life" come back this fall, and now I'm afraid that the writers and networks will have enough time to develop some crap to replace them.

Baby orangutan is named Jaya. I think Louie would have been a better name, but I'm sure that's been done before.

Perfect Peace can be found in Iowa. Who knew?

Looking for a good cry? This is the story for you.

Your Trying To Keep Active leader.

Rock Out With Your Caucus Out

MN Caucuses tonight. In case you hadn't heard.

Remember, we're voting on the future leaders of our country. People who could have access to remote controlled robot spy insects.

PZ has a video that makes Mike Huckabee seem somehow appealing.

Yet another supposedly clever (and non-political, at least not anymore) question answered.

Really, I'm just looking for filler so I could title my post for today. I didn't even come up with it. At least I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I heard it somewhere.

Your Vote leader.

Embraces With A Warm Gesture

I've dragged myself away from the X-Box for a few minutes to discuss something. The State of the Union Address? Please.

There are a couple of bad advertisements out there. The first is from NyQuil. Well, DayQuil, actually. I happen to be a former fan of NyQuil (as Denis Leary said, "Big N, little Y, Big fuckin' Q! I love that fuckin' Q!") Then they had to change the recipe (just one of many reasons to hate meth-heads), and I've grown out of love. The commercial, however, makes me laugh.

It starts with people saying "I have a mucus," and the announcer says, "You don't catch a 'mucus,' you catch a cold," and that other cold medicines only take care of mucus. He then tells us how DayQuil fights stuffy nose, congestion, coughing and sore throat. All things caused by mucus! I'd say the writers' strike is affecting adverts, but they've never been that good.

The other ad is for local news on Channel 5, KSTP. The ad says, "News doesn't always happen at 5, 6 or 10 o'clock." Which is true. News actually rarely occurs during the newscasts. But are there people who need to be told that?

Speaking of news broadcasts, I'd be more apt to pay attention to these people if they told me about things like this. These insects are reasons not to leave the U.S. In case you aren't interested in reading about the most horrifying insects in the word, this might whet your appetite.

It's the size of your thumb and it can spray flesh-melting poison. We really wish we were making that up for, you know, dramatic effect because goddamn, what a terrible thing a three-inch acid-shooting hornet would be, you know? Oh, hey, did we mention it shoots it into your eyes? Or that the poison also has a pheromone cocktail in it that'll call every hornet in the hive to come over and sting you until you are no longer alive?

Think you can outrun it? It can fly 50 miles in a day. It'd be nice to say something reassuring at this point, like "Don't worry, they only live on top of really tall mountains where nobody wants to live," but no, they live all over the goddamned place, including outside Tokyo.

Forty people die like that every year, each of them horribly.

Much worse than any commercial.

Your Creepy-Crawly leader.

All I Wanna Do Is To Thank You

(Geggy Tah)

X-mas went well for me. The Affiliate went all out. She got me the best gift ever; Two bags of white-chocolate M&M's from the promotion for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. They haven't been available in stores for a year and a half. Awesome. And tasty.

Finally, I receive the accolades I deserve. I would like to thank the citizens of Minneapolis, without whom I could not have earned this Spotty™ award. As a side note, all of the examples in that post actually happened to me.

I'm also highlighted by Jon Swift, the best blogger named after a dead Irish writer on the Internet. He understands the threat of Zombies, and wanted to spread the word, I'm sure.

The tragic tiger attack in San Francisco may have a cause no one has mentioned yet. Obviously, the tiger had just learned that his cousin had been beheaded and skinned in China.

And finally, my Top 10 CD's of the year (Only CD's I own are eligible.)

Number 1: "We Belong to the Staggering Evening" - Ike Reilly Assassination

(See, I only bought 1 CD this year, and I didn't really buy it, I got it as a gift. I'm having a little fun with the idea that I don't buy CD's much anymore, instead downloading most of my music. See how that went?)

Your New Year's Eve Can't Come Quickly Enough leader.