As If In A Dream, The One And Only V

Ugh. The DFL continues to show it doesn't want to win. I'm still waiting for the DFL to explain how a bill passed 125-9 was sucessfully vetoed. Sure, all the repubs ran away. Who were they? Why haven't they been asked over and over why they changed their votes? MAK has had trouble with the repubs when she had a clear majority. How will she handle them in a straight-up election? She's shown me nothing that says she can win, and plenty to say she can't.

It's hard to believe religious conservatives want to remove Thomas Jefferson from history books. It would make it easier for people like Sarah Palin to lie.

Prof. Stephen Hawking warns against communication with aliens. He's right about the odds of something being out there. Where he's wrong is saying not to explore because the aliens might be unfriendly and destroy us. (Also, he is just regurgitating the plot of "Independence Day" and the tv show "V." See what I did with my post title, now?)

We are humans. What we do is explore. There's always been a segment of society who said, "Don't cross that river, there are monsters on the other side." The maps with sea monters and "Here there be dragons" (Should I warn you of the horror of that link? Nah.) put on to discourage exploration. And there are always people who ignore it.

Prof. Hawking uses a Columbus analogy, saying we would be like the aboriginal Americans being invaded by the aliens. Possibly. Or we could be Columbus, finding a beautiful new world for humanity out among the stars. Maybe we could even do a better job of not virtually wiping out any inhabitants on that new world.

Either way, fear is a poor excuse not to explore.

Besides, if angry aliens do come to steal our water, we can use it against them with ... The Homeopathy Bomb! (Yay!)

Ask yourself, What Would Jesus Do? (NSFW) Or, clearly, don't, because you suck.

I've pretty much given up on the idea that I'll post Italy pictures. That involves work.

Your Boldly Go Where No One Has Gone Before leader.

The Rumor Of My Demise ...

I've been quite uninspired to write as of late, but, you know, Vikings, NFC Championship, blah, blah, blah ...

I always ... I always ... I always love that one!

Now, I'm not one to pray. However, I am one to cheer for the Vikings and be heretical. So, by a narrow 2-1 margin, I bring you this:

Our Favre-ther who art in Mississippi, hallowed be thy name. Thy bowl will come, it will be won, in Miami as it is in the Dome. Give us this Sunday, our weekly win. Give us touchdown passes, but do not let others pass against us. Lead us not into frustration, but deliver us to the Super Bowl. For thine is, the MVP, the best of the NFC, and the glory of the Purple People Eaters now and forever. - Author Unknown (to me, anyway)

This is how it should be. My grandpa was a bus driver, so I get angry when they are threatened or accosted. Criminals think people will sit by and let them be assholes. Let's keep letting them know we're willing to fight to keep a civil society.

Cecil gets one wrong. To be fair, this article is from 1980, and technology has vastly improved since then. To save money (and energy), you should always turn the lights off when they are not needed.

Your We Still Hate the Push-off leader.

Men Who Mean Just What They Say

Please hug a veteran today. Or buy them a beer. Yeah, buy them a beer instead.

Marty Beckerman scores again. The funny thing is, I've been reading his work for 10 years or so, and I never considered him a rabid right-winger. Sure, he was appearing on Fox News, but his writing always has held an undercurrent of obscene libertarianism, in the "I want to keep my money, but I want to spend it on drugs and hookers" sense of the word. His description of himself doesn't match what I've ever gotten from him, but I'm glad he's able to see how a person can change.

Sign him now!

Sean Hannity is a Twit.

Again, please let our veterans know they are appreciated. They keep us safe and give us the ability to enjoy things like the Vikings being 7-1 and running away with the NFC North division.

Your Fearless Men leader.

Form A Line To The Throne (Vikings 2-0)

I say play the playoff (if necessary) at Target Field. I also say the Twins should make it unnecessary.

Not much to mention from the Vikings game. It's weird to think that 92 yards rushing and a touchdown is disappointing, though.

(Closed Circuit to the Baseball Writers Association: Mauer for MVP!)

Can one of my lawyer readers answer this question: If you settle a lawsuit, and part of the settlement is that the defendant doesn't admit guilt, and the plaintiff's attorney then comes right out and says, "$200,000 sounds like an admission of misconduct to me," should the plaintiff's attorney forfeit all of his fee and be disbarred for breaking the agreement?

Maybe it's just me, but I think knowingly exposing someone to a deadly disease should be more than a misdemeanor.

A Florida man was arrested after killing his family. He said he wanted to kill himself, but that he wouldn't get into heaven if he committed suicide. Murdering 6 people doesn't bar you from heaven, but killing yourself afterward does? He also claims an evil spirit made him kill his family. I'm pretty sure that's a valid defense in Florida.

Muammar Qadaffi calls U.N. Security Council "Terrorism Council." Oddly, he then asked for a permanent seat for Libya.

Happy Birthday, Boss!

Your Looking For Overexposure leader.

It Came Out Magical (Vikings 1-0)

So it took a Vikings game to pull me out from my not intentional blogging hiatus.

And what a game it was. Sure, the 1st half was a little sloppy, but Adrian Peterson will not be denied. I like what I'm seeing from the Vikes, and am looking forward to what they will do next week against the Lions. Speaking of whom, has any team gone 0-16 two seasons in a row?

Why haven't I been blogging? Well, I worked 14 out of 15 days in a row, most of it at the State Fair. The Fair is always a good time, though the Kid Rock concert brought out some rowdy folk.

Also, The Affiliate has been lonly without The Hillock, so we adopted 2 kittens.

That's Aristotle on the left and Joules on the right. We'll be bringing them home after our trip to Las Vegas.

A trip to celebrate my 30th birthday on Thursday.

OK, time to watch the season finale of "True Blood."

Your Really I'm Just Lazy leader.

Disappointed Man, Where've You Been?

Ladies and Gentlemen ... we don't got him. I don't worry. They've got T-Ja ... Sage Rosenf ... John David Boo ... OK, they're screwed. At least they signed Antoine Winfield. Had the Vikings not signed him, he might have signed with Green Bay, Chicago or Det ... He might have signed with the Packers or the Bears.

Crack is whack.

Best Headline Ever: Snakes Escape From Man's Pants, Cause SUV To Crash

You're welcome.

Your QB Controversy leader.

#4

Ladies and gentlemen ... Brett Favre ... we got 'im!

That is all.

Your Interceptions leader.

I'm Through Humoring You

I'm watching the Twins attempt to beat Oakland as I type this, so there may be interruptions.

In Monty Pythonesque fashion, Minnesota has gone from winter, to a short spring then straight into autumn. I'm enjoying the cool temps, but a little summer would be nice come July at the folks' place.

They found the tail section of Flight 447. The story I linked doesn't say it, but a radio report said they are close to finding the "black boxes." The term black box is, of course, not literal. There is more than one flight recorder. Also, they aren't necessarily black. "Black box" is a catch all term, and really shouldn't be plural. It's either "flight recorders" or "black box." Of course, aviation professionals are more than welcome to call me an idiot on this.

It's been an expensive week for me. The Affiliate and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary by eating way too much steak at Manny's steak house. We got a free piece of Bailey's Irish Cream cake because we were celebrating, which was cool because we had Irish Cream cake at the wedding. When I say piece of cake, I'm not really capturing the size of the "piece" we got.

I'll also give praise to our server, Rhett. He was entertaining and assured the Affiliate that Lois the Lobster, who was brought to our table, would not be served as dinner that evening.

I also had to pick up the Affiliate's birthday present, since that's at the end of the month. I need to donate to her 3-Day Walk as well. And I'm headed to Chicago Friday to catch a couple of games at Wrigley Field.

Mauer gets a single to left! Rally time! Come on, Morneausie!

Here's a commercial with another guy I know in the entertainment business. He's covered in snakes! His name is Alex Holmes, and apparently he's going to be on something called "iCarly" on Saturday, if you're interested.

Not that TV appearances are that helpful. There was a storyline on "Scrubs" this last year involving Ted getting a girlfriend, played by Kate Miccuci. The two sang a song that I thought was very cute. I also had heard of "Garfunkel & Oates," a name that I found amusing. I had never seen any videos from them, though. Of course, it wasn't until today I learned that Miccuci is part of G&O, and the song in "Scrubs" was a modified version of their song, "Fuck You." (Video not safe for work, and if you didn't figure that out you need to quit using the internet right now.)



Double play. No rally.

Conservatives are easily grossed out. Not that most people like maggots. Well, entomologists, maybe.

Twins lose. Again.

Your Busy leader.

It's The Time Of The Season For Loving

I've pulled the glass sliver from my foot, and I'm ready to go. (Actually, a co-worker pulled it out, for which I'm very greatful.) Things could always be worse. Please be very careful riding your bikes, and for Hastur's sake quit riding the wrong way down the street!

Everyone's talking about Boston PD using Twitter to tell people if there's a zombie invasion. I don't buy it. There's no need to create panic just because one cop got bitten by a zombie. In fact, it would be irresponsible to tell people about an isolated zombie attack, as it would cause a huge panic. Plus, Beth Israel in Boston has the antidote. I'm told I'm not supposed to talk about the antidote nothing at all. (Thanks to MnObserver for the link)

Anyway, Boston zombies would include some of the great minds of American history, so I wish the Boston PD luck.

I'm not sure what this video is supposed to mean, but the answer is, "Yes, I do like boobs a lot."

He's sorry he said it, but I'm sure he meant it. Metaphorically, of course. Politicians and cops are natural enemies forced to work together, like peanut butter and jelly.

The Twins don't seem to get the concept of the 9 inning game. You only need one more run that the other team. You can't carry over the other 18 runs into any other games. On the other hand, let Joe Mauer keep doing what he's doing.

And though I'm sure they don't need it from me, a quick link to The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe, a fabulous podcast about science.

Your New Windows leader.

My Time Is A Piece Of Wax

Go Gophers hockey team.

That is all.

Next To This Mole See The Gaping Hole

UPDATE: Gophers get 10 seed in the East. Way to go, Tubby!

Mischke's back!

Sure, it's a web-stream, but hopefully soon it'll be podcasted so I can download it and listen at work.

Between Dan Savage and now Mischke, City Pages is keeping life interesting. I can forgive losing Tom Tomorrow for now.

Today is just beautiful. I actually opened the windows because I was hot. Awesome.

Not so awesome. First off, if you're contractually obligated to pay a bonus, doesn't that make it just a salary? Secondly, are 400 people really going to jump ship in this economy because they didn't get a bonus? How do you find a new job? "Yes, I caused my last company to be bought out by the U.S. government, and then I left because they didn't reward me for destroying the company. I'm looking for $2.5 million a year and guaranteed bonuses." Finally, if these are the best out there, how does any business survive? Maybe AIG should look into people at businesses that didn't die to replace these folks.

I haven't decided how I feel about this group. I may have to pop in and see just how serious they are. A zombie apocalypse plan for the U of M is a good idea, but it had better be solid.

Go Gophers.

Your On The Bubble leader.

PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!! (Vikings 10-6; NFC North Champions)

Vikings win! They don't call him Longwell for nothing. Six of six from 50 yards and beyond this year.

I predicted 9-7 and in the playoffs earlier this year. Considering the Giants played mostly backups in the 2nd half, I'll call that a successful prediction. We'll see who they get in round one. At home.

And AP only fumbled once today. I call that improvement ... I guess.

Your SKOL VIKINGS!!!!!!!!!! leader.

Threw My Back Out Whackin' That Ass Now (Vikings 9-6)

Yeah, so that was the Vikings. My elder family members kept reminding me not to get my hopes up. I guess they're right. At least the Giants pulled off the win last night.

If history was controlled by the BCS.

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

Computers be damned; Any country can win on any given D-Day.

So, I've been a Minneapolis cop for just over 2 years. Well, crime has dopped in Minneapolis for the past 2 years. Post hoc, ergo propter hoc. (Which, of course, means after hoc, therefore something else hoc) (via Chris)

I think I deserve a raise, don't you?

Your (I can't believe I'm writing this) Go, Pack, Go! leader.

Back To The Water (Vikings 8-5)

A tight victory for the Vikes. My prediction wasn't as good as it might have seemed since I predicted that the Lions would score negative 20 points. While I was later informed that this was impossible, I stuck by my prediction.

Even more interesting was the postgame coverage on Fox. Apparently Visanthe let his Shiancoe loose on national TV. Not that it was his fault, but expect Fox to be fined billions of dollars. I'm guessing letting a penis on television has to be worse than a breast with a covered nipple.

My happiness for the win was tempered a bit when I found out that KSTP radio fired Tommy Mischke. He was the most interesting and original person on radio. Listen to the clips at the end of the story to hear how different he really was. When you're done, check out Mischke Madness to hear more. Then bombard AM 1500 with requests to get the man back. We shouldn't let talent like this go without a fight.

Oh, and it's The Affiliate's and my sextemberversary. I made that word up. She prefers semi-anniversary. I like mine better. Anyway, we've been married for six months. Yay, us!

Your Broadcast Outcast leader.

BANNED!!!!11!1!

Well, I guess the season is over. Most teams don't survive losing their 3rd and 4th best defensive players (Allen and Winfield are the best two, but Winfield's impact is lower than the Williams Wall). And "I didn't know!" is rarely a good excuse.

On the other hand, I still predict a 24-7 victory over Detroit on Sunday.

Your Loss leader.

*UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Apparently "justice doesn't work that way." The Williams Wall will be on the field this weekend. I now predict a 24 to -20 victory. I also expect Pat Williams to have put on a bit of weight since he can't use his weight loss pills anymore.

And It's Slippin' Away (Vikings 7-5)

WHAT DO YA' THINK OF MY DEFENSE NOW?! (YEEEEARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!)

The Vikings have sole possession of first place. That's what happens when you stop a team on 4 straight downs from inside the 1 yard line, then turn around and throw a 99 yard touchdown pass.

Also, the Vikings are undefeated in Hailey's lifetime. We know for whom she cheers.

Have a pleasant week.

Your Happy As A Clam leader.

I Am A Fighter Who's Not Made A Fist (Vikings 5-4)

Yes! Tied for first (again). Game balls on defense to an injured Jared Allen and Madieu Williams, who made a tremendous stop on the penultimate play to force a 52 yard field goal attempt, which, of course, was missed. On offense, Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor combined for 337 of Minnesotas 371 offensive yards. Ye-gads!

It was the top on a great day. I got a buck with actual antlers this morning as well. It's a good sized deer, and should be some good eating. I also got to dig around in its guts, which was cool. T. Hussein Mississippifarian should be happy. There are 4 fewer deer roaming Aitkin county today because of my hunting party. Another guy actually cock-blocked one buck. He got the doe as well. So no baby rats deer for them.

I'll have pictures soon.

Your Venison leader.

This Is Our Decision, To Live Fast And Die Young (Vikings 3-4)

Colin Powell endorses Barack obama? Are people wearing hats on their feet and hamburgers eating people? My favorite line is when he just admonishes Michelle Bachmann for this comedy bit.

The Vikings put up a valiant effort against the Bears at Soldier Field, but lost 48-41. Each team individually beat the Over-Bet on this game, and i figured the Vikes would lose by 20, so all in all it wasn't a disaster. I didn't listen to "Vikings Fan Line" to see how the callers blamed this game on Childress, so if you have any theories as to why Childress should be fired because of this game, let me know.

Speaking of Fan Line, I'm guessing Jeff Dubay wasn't hosting. The story doesn't say what the drug was, but in the comments it mentions Meth. Someone says it was 6 grams of Meth, but that would be 3rd degree possession, so I'm not sure I buy that, at least not the amount. I also saw "meth precursors" which means ephedrine or pseudoephedrine (e.g. Sudafed). (That could also mean red phosphorus, but I doubt it.) Too much cold/asthma medication? He was mysteriously gone earlier this year, and rehab is the official rumor. Maybe the speed is to supplement the weight loss program he's been hyping. And stop calling the guy "Puffy," for god's sake; it's driving him to drugs.

I'm guessing he'll be off the air for a while. May I suggest expanding The Common Man Progrum to 5 hours?

Your Wishing Him The Best leader.

I'll Be Gone (Vikings 2-3)

It's been a while. I got a new laptop, and I've been playing Spore a lot, making my own creature and raising it from a cell to a space-faring race. Pretty awesome, I must say. (Rumors that I spent $1,000 on a laptop to play a $50 game are, as of this posting, unconfirmed.)

(Addition: Almost forgot the Vikes): The Vikings managed to win a game that was desperately given to them by the N.O. Saints. It's sad to think that Antoine Winfield might end up leading the team in touchdowns. Or, even less likely, Viscante Shianco.

If you are fortunate enough to have HBO, you should check out "The Life and Times of Tim," a new cartoon show. It is about Tim, who is a most unfortunate man. He is put into really bad situations, usually through no fault of his own, and, being polite, has a really hard time getting out of them. One episode had Tim being promoted to Vice-President of his company, but only if he pretends to be Mexican so the company looks more diverse. Another episode had him talked into objecting to his girlfriend's sister's wedding by the presiding priest. Most of these episodes involve Tim saying "This sounds like a bad idea" at some point. The humor is dry, the animation "squiggle-vision" like, and the characters wacky (except Tim, who is pretty much the most regular guy ever). It's on Sunday nights. Love it.

Sometimes, a music video illustrates a great song. Other times, the video is a weird mishmash that has nothing to do with the song. However, it is very rare when the song simply says what's going on in the video.



There's a "debate" tonight. If you're one of the 20 people who doesn't have a preference in candidates, let us know who you think won. Then relax and know that 20 people won't swing the election either way.

Your Take Me On leader.

Dear Chicago (Vikings 1-3)

Forces are conspiring to keep Chicago from playing the Tigers. How often does the same game get rained out twice? That weather maching sure is coming in handy for whoever controls it.

Oh, this should be a great show. Ryan Adams will walk off stage after 2 songs when someone request "Run to You," and Noel Gallagher will stab Liam in the eye. Actually, that sounds like it would be a lot of fun.

Also, our economy is collapsing under us because people decided they really don't want to give CEOs a whole lot of money for stealing. (No link. Not like you can't find one if you really want to read about the horror).

Vikes suck. Nothing more to say, except GO WILD!

Your Sickened leader.