Happy 4th of July!

I hope everyone enjoys some freedom today, and every day.

Have a drink for me, I'll be working.

Remember Those We Have Lost

Our real heroes.

Merry X-Mas!

The X-Mas Story. Sort of.

May Santa Cthulhu eat you first.

Your Happy Merry leader.

Happy * Day!

Happy * Day! Hopefully you don't have to work like I do.

(*Due to the Affiliate's condition, I'm not allowed to use the "L" word.)

Happy Independence Day!

That's Not My Name

Oh ... Hell ... Yeah!



I love that President Bartlet is narrating. Only excitement over the Vikings game is keeping me from salivating too much over the game. If they lose, Monday is going to suck.

Oh, and if you're the person in my local Netflix area who is watching Babylon 5; What do you think of the series? I'm finding it to be better than even "Battlestar Galactica." Also, I'm one disc behind you, and I'm watching each disc in pretty much one day, so if you could make sure you speed up your watching habits a bit, that would be great. Thanks in advance.

Worst doctor visit ever. In a related note, I know a guy who will sell you a $100,000 meteorite life insurance policy for $1 a month. Just think about it.

And how could I almost let the day end without realizing it's National Pie Day. Olivia Munn must be ecstatic.



Your "Who Dat Who Gon' Beat Dem Saints? We Dat Who Gon' Beat Dem Saints!" leader.

And Never Brought To Mind

Good year everyone!

All right, let's get some sleep and do it again tomorrow!

Merry X-Mas!

Yes, I'm alive. And enjoying the snowfall in the MSP Metro area. White Christmas, indeed.

The best X-Mas song ever.



Merry Christmas, everyone!

Men Who Mean Just What They Say

Please hug a veteran today. Or buy them a beer. Yeah, buy them a beer instead.

Marty Beckerman scores again. The funny thing is, I've been reading his work for 10 years or so, and I never considered him a rabid right-winger. Sure, he was appearing on Fox News, but his writing always has held an undercurrent of obscene libertarianism, in the "I want to keep my money, but I want to spend it on drugs and hookers" sense of the word. His description of himself doesn't match what I've ever gotten from him, but I'm glad he's able to see how a person can change.

Sign him now!

Sean Hannity is a Twit.

Again, please let our veterans know they are appreciated. They keep us safe and give us the ability to enjoy things like the Vikings being 7-1 and running away with the NFC North division.

Your Fearless Men leader.

True, Nervous. Very, Very Dreadfully Nervous I Had Been And Am. But Why Will You Say That I Am Mad?

Hi. Happy Halloween! I hope you are scared but safe tonight. But if you think you might be a zombie, Savage Chickens has a quick test for you to take.

Here are some words to help you get in the mood of the evening.

The effect was that of a Cyclopian city of no architecture known to man or human imagination, with vast aggregations of night-black masonry embodying monstrous perversions of geometrical laws and attaining the most grotesque extremes of sinister bizarrerie. - H.P. Lovecraft

The fair girl went on her knees and bent over me, fairly gloating. There was a deliberate voluptuousness which was both thrilling and repulsive, and as she arched her neck she actually licked her lips like an animal... I could feel the soft, shivering touch of the lips on the supersensitive skin of my throat, and the hard dents of two sharp teeth, just touching and pausing there. - Jonathan Harker

I find evidences of its presence every day. I watched again all last night in the same cover, gun in hand, double-charged with buckshot. In the morning the fresh footprints were there, as before. Yet I would have sworn that I did not sleep — indeed, I hardly sleep at all. It is terrible, insupportable! If these amazing experiences are real I shall go mad; if they are fanciful I am mad already.- Ambrose Bierce

Something came; again, that's all I can say for sure. It may have been the fact that the mist only allowed us to glimpse things briefly, but I think it just as likely that there are certain things the brain disallows. There are things of such darkness and horror - just as, I suppose, there are things of great beauty - that they will not fit through the puny human doors of perception. - Stephen King

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted - nevermore!

Your Hiding In The Shadows bleed-er.

What So Proudly We Hail

Happy Independence Day!

Everyone enjoy your fireworks and hot dogs and samboussa. Please remember to say thanks to the people out there keeping you safe.

Of course, Sarah Palin has a load off of her shoulders this 4th of July. There are those who think she is gearing up for a presidential run. For her sake, I hope she's not. I mean, she's quitting in the middle of her term. If she were to be elected President, what's to say she wouldn't quit in 2014 to run for Prime Minister of the Innermost Planets Alliance (which will exist by then)?

My guess is she'll write a best-seller and fade into the private sector.

As for fireworks, just don't do this:



Fireworks and a guy getting hit in the crotch. How can you not love America?

Your Rockets' Red Glare leader.

Memorial Day 2009

Thank you to all of our armed service members, past and present.

Recap of Last Year

It's Zombie Jesus Day.

Take precautions.

Love, Love, Love

This is what today's all about.



Happy Valentine's Day.

Kiss The Killers And The Kind And The Crude

For the end of the year ....

There's a post over at Shot in the Dark on the use of "uber" as a superlative prefix. Of course Mitch uses the u-umlaut, but since I don't know how to type an u-umlaut, I don't. And since few Americans can pronounce an u-umlaut, it really doesn't matter.

Anyway, I've been wanting to make a ranking of superlative prefixes for a while, and now I will. They are, from lowest to highest:

super
mega
ultra
uber
super-ultra-mega
hyper

(e.g. Mega-Man is superior to Superman. Which should be obvious. A robot who steals the powers of his enemies is obviously better than an alien who is allergic to rocks.)

Interestingly, hyper is used far more often than the lesser super-ultra-mega. (53 million Google hits vs. 100,000) My guess is it is laziness on the writer's part. Fewer keystrokes and all.

Well, I hope I've helped with folks trying to figure out just how good something that is awesome really is. This is important after all. This post was in no way a simple attempt to pad my posting stats.

Have a happy 2009!

Your Auld Lang Syne leader.

Merry X-Mas!

MERRY
X-MAS!!

Bonus: "Why Christmas Is Better Than Hanukkah" by Marty Beckerman. (Standard Disclaimer: It's by Marty, so as always it's extremely offensive)

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Birthday To Me!

*Singing* This is my birthday song, it isn't very long. */singing* Yep. It's been 29 years. Here's to five more. (Just kidding.)

I'll first off renew my efforts to make Constitution Day, the real birthday of our nation, a national holiday (so I can get my birthday off). Here goes: The Declaration of Independence threw off the yoke of British rule (that, and the war). But our nation wasn't really born until the Constitution was ratified. So, really, Independence Day was the conception of our nation, while Constitution Day is the actual birthday.

OK. As a birthday gift, the Vikings have removed T-Jack from the starting QB position. I may have been the last T-Jack holdout, but the guy is awful. Frerotte isn't the answer, so they'll have to go out and find a real QB, but it's a step in the right direction. If things don't turn around, Childress should be next. The fact is, the Vikings were always going to be 0-2 at this point. The fact that they could have won both games shows they are close to being a winning team. Fire the coach now, and that's done. The QB position is the weak point on the team. See if a change works. If not, it's bye-bye Chilly.

Target Field is apparently the new home of the Minnesota Targets Twins. While I've never had a problem with the Target Center's name, noe the XCel Energy Center (which is actually a pretty good name), Couldn't we have called it Killebrew Field, Brought to You by Target or something similar? It would still be better than the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

I've been playing Rock Band 2 pretty much non-stop since Monday. It took the World Tour from the first game, which could only be played multiplayer, and made it the whole game. You can, of course, still quickplay, but there's more fun for a single player to customize the band and play all different instruments while moving towards the goal of stardom. Also, all but 3 songs from the first game can be exported and played in RB2, so I didn't have to give up "Tom Sawyer," "Say It Ain't So" or "Won't Get Fooled Again." And you can erase any songs you don't want from RB1, so I'll never have to see "Green Grass and High Tides" again for as long as I live. Awesome!

Speaking of video games, T Hussein Mississippifarian points out studies showing what I already knew. Number 7 in the second link should be of particular interest to anti-video game elites like Spotty:

7. Video game play is socially isolating.
Much video game play is social.
Almost 60 percent of frequent gamers play with friends. Thirty-three percent
play with siblings and 25 percent play with spouses or parents. Even games
designed for single players are often played socially, with one person giving
advice to another holding a joystick. A growing number of games are designed for
multiple players — for either cooperative play in the same space or online play
with distributed players... In this way there are really two games taking place
simultaneously: one, the explicit conflict and combat on the screen; the other,
the implicit cooperation and comradeship between the players. Two players may be
fighting to death on screen and growing closer as friends off screen. Social
expectations are reaffirmed through the social contract governing play, even as
they are symbolically cast aside within the transgressive fantasies represented
onscreen.

So there you go.

I guess I'm being unfair to Spotty. He's from the generation who thought Pong was awesome. Which it is, but it's not the only awesome game there is.

Apparently there's a Birthday Extravaganza! planned for me this weekend. If I survive, I'll see you all soon.

Your Rock'n Me Baby leader.

Let Us Turn Our Thoughts Today...

No holiday talk. If you want analysis on the life of the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior, do a blog search. I'm sure you'll find some stories, possibly including Mitt Romney's father.

Speaking of politics, "change" seems to be the theme of the campaigns this year. I'd like to remind the candidates that "making change" makes me think of turning paper money into metal money, not fixing health care or ending war. But I think the candidates can make the point themselves, with the help of David Bowie.

(Via Chris)

Missouri Chainsaw Mayhem.

A man wielding a chainsaw and knife attacked residents at a Missouri homeless shelter where he was staying, leaving two people in critical condition and injuring two others, police said Sunday. Sheriff Dennis Crane said two victims were cut by a chainsaw and two others by a knife. Authorities said the victims injured by the chainsaw were in critical condition, while the other two were treated and released.

I am picturing a heavily bearded guy in fatigues dual-wielding a chainsaw in one hand and a knife in the other. Also, it's obvious that if you want to commit mayhem (def. 1), a chainsaw is preferable. Not even a claymore can do more damage.

Watkins had been staying at the shelter for about two weeks and was taking part in a program that provides residents with on-the-job-training, authorities said.

Obviously as a lumberjack. *rimshot*

A story on the werewolf blooded. They are from the Wisconsin of Mexico, I would guess.

Your Mayhem leader.

Brand New Year

Here's a reenactment of me from 4:30 to about 8:30 this morning.



Interestingly, a mixture of champagne/vodka/grape juice, tequila and Jaegermeister is a pretty good substitute for Ipacac.

I did manage to get through a New Year's party without pissing off the Affiliate too much. So that's nice.

Here's to 2008, and a prosperous *blaaaaarrghhh*!

Your Dry Heave leader.