Workin' My Way Back To You

Time flies when you're taking care of a baby.

The Spinoff and I have been having a wonderful time this past month-and-a-half that I've been home watching him. He certainly enjoys listening to Sirius/XM "60's on 6," the most when Daddy sings falsetto along with Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. We've come to an agreement on napping, and that the Spinoff promises not to repeat to his mother any of the language he hears while watching "Deadwood" with Daddy.

I've been complaining about the bibs the Affiliate has been buying for him, though. It seems the inexpensive bibs that absorb spit-up the best also have to come with little writings like, "Jock," "Flirt," "Li'l Dude" and "Tough Guy." Quite frankly, not wanting to raise a dude-bro is high on my list of goals. I'd prefer an array of bibs with things like "Scientist," "Genius," "Li'l Scholar" and "Smart Guy," but nerd bibs are pretty expensive. Alas, his D&D onsie is the best I've been able to provide so far.

The video game world has been all atwitter about this post written by some guy who doesn't like that there are gay characters in video games. He feels that since he is a straight male, anything that doesn't interest him should be removed from his games. The game in question is "Dragon Age 2." I've written highly about the 1st game in the series, "Dragon Age: Origins" (Which also had possible homosexual relationships). I haven't played DA2 yet, because I have a baby at home and other games to finish first.

Anyway, one of the game's creators, David Gaider, responded with a defense of the game, saying that the relationship options in DA2 were for everyone, including, but not just, straight males. My favorite line was, "You can write it off as "political correctness" if you wish, but the truth is that privilege always lies with the majority." Simply seeing privilege of the majority discussed in such a forum was both surprising and refreshing. I'm sure Mr. "Straight Male Gamer" has never once noticed a lack of options for gay or female gamers who want to play characters closer to their real-life selves. Of course, for reasons I can't fathom, the increase in options to include others is often seen as the oppression of the majority.

I ask this, however - Why wouldn't a straight male gamer choose to play a homosexual character in a video game? I have no problem being an elven wizard from Denerim, three things which I am not in real life. I also wonder why the simple act of having a gay character make an advance on a straight player is seen as an affront. Apparently the player can say no, just like with any other in-game romance he or she decides not to pursue.

In the end, there are plenty of video games aimed at the young straight male demographic, with plenty of boobies thrown in so they can be sure to know they are really straight males. Please leave the adult games with intelligent stories and decisions to make to those of us who aren't scared of catching The Gay from a line of computer code.

Well, the Spinoff has awakened and is politely inquiring as to why he has not been fed yet. Until several months from now, when I post next.

Your Bottle leader.

Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition

A long needed template change. Nothing else needed to say about it.

A month ago I mentioned that things were looking up in Egypt. So I've got that to live down. Hopefully the people get their democratic elections without too much bloodshed.

Packers fans will be especially unbearable for the next few months, until they finally sober up. Just remember that the Packers wouldn't have made the playoffs without 2 seriously botched calls in the Pack's 1st game against the Vikings, one call that even the NFL declared to have been wrong. So that's out there.

I wasn't helped by being forced to choose between a rapist and the Green Bay Packers. I chose to cheer for the referees. (Let's go, Black and White! Get that Instant Replay right!) They did quite well, I'd say.

The game started out bad, but ended up being somewhat exciting. Which was good, because the best commercial was an NFL commercial that put team colors on a bunch of old TV characters. And when I say "best," I mean one of like 3 even interesting commercials.

And the commercials were high art compared to Christina "Xtina" Aguilera, the washed up and completely irrelevant pop star getting the words wrong in a National Anthem performance that could have had Roseanne Barr turning down the volume.

As for the halftime show ... sigh ... um ... OK, I'll start again. As for the halftime show, it's time for the NFL to give up and just put pee-wee football kids out there at halftime for the Super Bowl. Black Eyed Peas put on one of the worst performances I've ever seen. The mics didn't work, the special effects didn't work (They should have changed the lyrics to, "Where is the V?") and as someone on Twitter said, it looked like what people in 1983 thought the 2011 halftime show should look like. And BEP themselves have always been over-hyped. Their songs that don't suck are just OK, Fergie can't sing and one of the guys looks like Weird Al with straightened hair. (Alternate Joke - "One of the guys looks like The Rock decided to grow his hair out") Also, Fergie, if you're going to imitate Axl Rose, you really need to do the falsetto.

So, yeah, let's try something completely different next year. Those little kids running around always get big cheers from fans at the Dome. They certainly can't be worse than the shit this year.

To sum up, last year, I missed the Super Bowl because I was busy getting kicked in the nuts. Tonight, I was feeling nostalgic for last year.

Your There's Always Next Year leader.

These Are The Ways The World Will End

In case you aren't a Facebook friend, and you care, we're having a boy.

And apparently Mark Dayton won the MN DFL primary. Which proves once again that the DFL endorsement process doesn't really find the person most DFLers will vote for. Of course, winning the primary hasn't led to too many victories lately either, so Dayton's got his work cut out for him.

Of course, Tom Emmer probably thinks Relativity is a liberal plot, so he's got that going for him.

So, I ordered the CD "Trebuchet" by George Hrab. Hrab was pretty smart. He put the CD up on his "Geologic Podcast" for free, without track breaks. There's not much chance I would have bought the disc, but after hearing it on the podcast, I decided to buy it.

Anyway, I thought I'd share what is the greatest e-mail I've ever received from a commercial website.

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.
A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure it was in the best possible condition before mailing.
Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.
We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, August 10, 2010.
We hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. In commemoration, we have placed your picture on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Sigh...
We miss you already. We'll be right here at http://cdbaby.com/, patiently awaiting your return.

Awesome.

Anyway, check out the "Geologic Podcast." (It's not really about geology at all) Also check out "Trebuchet," which has some really good tunes on it.

I'll also take a moment to recomend the "Read It and Weep" podcast. It's a podcast about 3 guys who partake in the worst books, movies and TV and then rip the hell out of it. They made their bones on the "Twilight" series, but they do a good job on pretty much everything. It's really funny, even if you haven't read what they are critiquing.

On a side note, I started listen listening to "Read It and Weep" a few months ago. About 1 month ago, they started following me on Twitter, which was odd because I wasn't following them, nor had I contacted them in any way. Strange, this internet of ours.

Your Getting the House Ready leader.

Merry X-Mas!

Yes, I'm alive. And enjoying the snowfall in the MSP Metro area. White Christmas, indeed.

The best X-Mas song ever.



Merry Christmas, everyone!

Form A Line To The Throne (Vikings 2-0)

I say play the playoff (if necessary) at Target Field. I also say the Twins should make it unnecessary.

Not much to mention from the Vikings game. It's weird to think that 92 yards rushing and a touchdown is disappointing, though.

(Closed Circuit to the Baseball Writers Association: Mauer for MVP!)

Can one of my lawyer readers answer this question: If you settle a lawsuit, and part of the settlement is that the defendant doesn't admit guilt, and the plaintiff's attorney then comes right out and says, "$200,000 sounds like an admission of misconduct to me," should the plaintiff's attorney forfeit all of his fee and be disbarred for breaking the agreement?

Maybe it's just me, but I think knowingly exposing someone to a deadly disease should be more than a misdemeanor.

A Florida man was arrested after killing his family. He said he wanted to kill himself, but that he wouldn't get into heaven if he committed suicide. Murdering 6 people doesn't bar you from heaven, but killing yourself afterward does? He also claims an evil spirit made him kill his family. I'm pretty sure that's a valid defense in Florida.

Muammar Qadaffi calls U.N. Security Council "Terrorism Council." Oddly, he then asked for a permanent seat for Libya.

Happy Birthday, Boss!

Your Looking For Overexposure leader.

She's My Final Fantasy

A long overdue ode to female gamers who work at game stores.

Video Games - E3 2009 - Attack of the Show

Thank you Parry. Olivia and Kevin, you rock! AOTS forever, bitches!

I'm Through Humoring You

I'm watching the Twins attempt to beat Oakland as I type this, so there may be interruptions.

In Monty Pythonesque fashion, Minnesota has gone from winter, to a short spring then straight into autumn. I'm enjoying the cool temps, but a little summer would be nice come July at the folks' place.

They found the tail section of Flight 447. The story I linked doesn't say it, but a radio report said they are close to finding the "black boxes." The term black box is, of course, not literal. There is more than one flight recorder. Also, they aren't necessarily black. "Black box" is a catch all term, and really shouldn't be plural. It's either "flight recorders" or "black box." Of course, aviation professionals are more than welcome to call me an idiot on this.

It's been an expensive week for me. The Affiliate and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary by eating way too much steak at Manny's steak house. We got a free piece of Bailey's Irish Cream cake because we were celebrating, which was cool because we had Irish Cream cake at the wedding. When I say piece of cake, I'm not really capturing the size of the "piece" we got.

I'll also give praise to our server, Rhett. He was entertaining and assured the Affiliate that Lois the Lobster, who was brought to our table, would not be served as dinner that evening.

I also had to pick up the Affiliate's birthday present, since that's at the end of the month. I need to donate to her 3-Day Walk as well. And I'm headed to Chicago Friday to catch a couple of games at Wrigley Field.

Mauer gets a single to left! Rally time! Come on, Morneausie!

Here's a commercial with another guy I know in the entertainment business. He's covered in snakes! His name is Alex Holmes, and apparently he's going to be on something called "iCarly" on Saturday, if you're interested.

Not that TV appearances are that helpful. There was a storyline on "Scrubs" this last year involving Ted getting a girlfriend, played by Kate Miccuci. The two sang a song that I thought was very cute. I also had heard of "Garfunkel & Oates," a name that I found amusing. I had never seen any videos from them, though. Of course, it wasn't until today I learned that Miccuci is part of G&O, and the song in "Scrubs" was a modified version of their song, "Fuck You." (Video not safe for work, and if you didn't figure that out you need to quit using the internet right now.)



Double play. No rally.

Conservatives are easily grossed out. Not that most people like maggots. Well, entomologists, maybe.

Twins lose. Again.

Your Busy leader.

Bitter Green, They Called Her (Top 11 Edition)

Damn you, Gordon Lightfoot. Your infectious folk stylings have taken over my brain and I can think of no one else's music when it comes to post titles.

Maturity in action. Yes, the Republican National Committee might decide to start refering to the Democratic Party as the "Democrat Socialist Party." Neener, neener, indeed.

I coming off a court win today, so I'm feeling a bit whimsical. So in the tradition of many, including these folks, I present:

The Top 11 Other Insulting Names the RNC Could Call The Democratic Party

11) The Democra Party
10) The Party of "Scrubs" - Starring Zach Braff, Donald Faison, Sarah Chalke and John C. McGinley
9) Poopyheads and Communists Party
8) The Permanent Majority Party
7) Nazi Party II
6) French
5) The Spicy Mustard Party
4) The Elite Party
3) The Intellectual Party
2) The OMG UR SO GHEY!!!!!!!!1111!111! Party

And the most insulting thing the RNC could call democrats:

1) The Republican Party

Eh, that's not so hard.

The RNC should be cautious. They may inadvertently give the actual Democratic Socialist Party majority status.

Your Guilty Plea leader.

I'm Stuck Here On The Ground, As Cold And Drunk As I Can Be

Today's post title was inspired by this and the fact that it's 4 AM and pouring outside.

You might have noticed my Twitter feed in the right column. If you've been reading it (and seriously, why?), you might have seen mention of "Ice Tea Guy." Let me explain. No, there is too much; let me sum up. Um, never mind, I'll explain the whole thing.

The other day, I showed The Affiliate this picture:


She looked confused. She didn't get it. I said, "Who's the guy in the picture?" She said, "That's the Iced Tea Guy, right?"

That is, of course, The Kool-Aid Man.

She then tried to backpedal. "I mean the Hi-C Guy." Still, wrong, of course, but at least she was guessing something name-brand. She finally figured it out. Give her some credit. She just got her MBA, and is allowed to not know things as useless as this.

I finally got to the point as to why this picture is, indeed, win. Kool-Aid Man is well known for breaking through walls and yelling, "OH, YEAH!". Someone found an actual broken wall and had the presence of mind to put up this picture and photograph it. Whomever you are, I salute you!

Anyway, I've decided that Iced Tea Guy would not break through walls. Instead, he would come calmly through the door, and yell his catchphrase, "INDEED!" And that's Iced Tea Guy.

So that's some time you won't get back. Time lost. And every second lost brings us all closer to the coming zombie apocalypse. (You just got segued!)

The Chicago Tribune seems to be taking it lightly. (Link via a Norwegian) If you want serious coverage, stick with me. Or with these guys. Unfortunately, the Zombie Attack Preparedness Team shares it's initials with Zombies Are People Too (No link, because they're not). The good Z.A.P.T. (that's the zombie fighting one) was featured on an interesting G4 TV show and looked like they really had the goods. And guns.

Oh, I almost forgot. Iced Tea Guy has a sidekick named Lemonade Dude.

A legitimate update to a story that baffled and amused me while back. They caught the gorilla head bandits! Once again, idiots were brought down by the massive secret police operation that is YouTube.

Did I say massive secret police organization? I meant colossal clandestine constabulary cabal. (I didn't originally mean for that to be alliterative; it just happened.) (Also, that four word phrase has never appeared on the internet before today.)

Your Early Morning Rain leader.

Now It's Time To Say What I Forgot To Say

Worried you might have swine flu? Click here to find out. (via The Affiliate)

And they've found Patient Zero. (via Norwegianity)

MN Senate approves medical marijuana. This is a good thing. Of course, Gov. Pawlenty (R) will veto this. Note the "R." The party that is so afraid of the government getting involved in medical decisions vis-a-vis single-payer health care has no problem telling doctors what they can and can't prescribe right now.

Girl beats back muggers with baton. Hey, Flash, is this normal marching band training?

Cecil answers the hard hitting questions of our time, like, "Are women's breasts getting bigger?"

Your I Certainly Hope So leader.

I Don't Have Any Messages

This video is because the weather is great and I have a few days off.



On a side note, I have it on good authority that you should not let Jonathan Coulton take care of your cats.

Your Beautiful Day leader.

EXTERMINATE!!! EXTERMINATE!!!!

Submitted without comment.

I'll Be Gone (Vikings 2-3)

It's been a while. I got a new laptop, and I've been playing Spore a lot, making my own creature and raising it from a cell to a space-faring race. Pretty awesome, I must say. (Rumors that I spent $1,000 on a laptop to play a $50 game are, as of this posting, unconfirmed.)

(Addition: Almost forgot the Vikes): The Vikings managed to win a game that was desperately given to them by the N.O. Saints. It's sad to think that Antoine Winfield might end up leading the team in touchdowns. Or, even less likely, Viscante Shianco.

If you are fortunate enough to have HBO, you should check out "The Life and Times of Tim," a new cartoon show. It is about Tim, who is a most unfortunate man. He is put into really bad situations, usually through no fault of his own, and, being polite, has a really hard time getting out of them. One episode had Tim being promoted to Vice-President of his company, but only if he pretends to be Mexican so the company looks more diverse. Another episode had him talked into objecting to his girlfriend's sister's wedding by the presiding priest. Most of these episodes involve Tim saying "This sounds like a bad idea" at some point. The humor is dry, the animation "squiggle-vision" like, and the characters wacky (except Tim, who is pretty much the most regular guy ever). It's on Sunday nights. Love it.

Sometimes, a music video illustrates a great song. Other times, the video is a weird mishmash that has nothing to do with the song. However, it is very rare when the song simply says what's going on in the video.



There's a "debate" tonight. If you're one of the 20 people who doesn't have a preference in candidates, let us know who you think won. Then relax and know that 20 people won't swing the election either way.

Your Take Me On leader.

Dear Chicago (Vikings 1-3)

Forces are conspiring to keep Chicago from playing the Tigers. How often does the same game get rained out twice? That weather maching sure is coming in handy for whoever controls it.

Oh, this should be a great show. Ryan Adams will walk off stage after 2 songs when someone request "Run to You," and Noel Gallagher will stab Liam in the eye. Actually, that sounds like it would be a lot of fun.

Also, our economy is collapsing under us because people decided they really don't want to give CEOs a whole lot of money for stealing. (No link. Not like you can't find one if you really want to read about the horror).

Vikes suck. Nothing more to say, except GO WILD!

Your Sickened leader.

Jump Right Off The Face Of It

I just got my LappDogg Records compilation onto my iPod, and so was reminded of "Sky Diver" by Schtum. Do you believe that there are no lyrics for the song anywhere on the Internet? No matter. I was able to find the video. Revel in the Rock!



Your I've Got to Have Some Hope leader.

Name That Tune

Would you like to play a game? No, I'm not going to to torture you to teach you a lesson.

I'll post the opening line from random tracks on the ol' iPod, and you guess the song and artist. My older readers may have some problems, but I expect Chris to get about 90%, since all of my best music was recommended by him.

1. Whatcha doin'? Nothin' Chillin'
2. And as the conversation drags I try to think of something quickly
3. I come from the land of the ice and snow
4. If I were you, and I wish that I were you.
5. There you go again when you brush up against my skin
6. You wake up in the morning and fall out of your bed
7. A thousand hands applaud tonight
8. Two hearts fading like a flower
9. One way streets and square-one
10. I know you broke up with him and your heart's still on a shelf
11. There's a uniform that's hanging in what's known as father's room
12. Take my money, wreck my song
13. Nobody really knows where they're supposed to go
14. You bag of shit, you suck
15. The fire flickers out making movies on her skin
16. So you wanted to take a break, slow it down some
17. It's easier not to be wise and measure these things by your brain
18. Richard Wagner's to his lover Mathilda were a mess
19. The boy only wanted to give mother something, and all of her roses had bloomed
20. Let me tell you the story of a man named Charlie on a tragic and fateful day
21. I know that something very strange is happenin' to my brain
22. Just a perfect day, drink Sangria in the park
23. A red suitcase she'll never miss, leather coat he used to wear
24. Somethings in the air tonight, the sky's alive with burning light
25. His eyes go funny, you can't place why

After doing this, the old folk may have a shot on this one. My upbringing listening to "oldies" really did affect me. Take your shot in the comments.

Your In 3 Notes leader.

Science, Y'all!

Not safe for work.

This is funny. A country song about science.




"I'll put my jism/In your schism/Make another organism." Classic! (update: Embed, YES!)

Check around, they also have a song about Pi.

Nothing more to see here.

Button Up That Shirt You're S'posed To Wear

Just a quick post to point out a band that played at the 331 last night called Zoo Animal.

Normally I'm not terribly impressed by groups that play at the 331. These guys were different. They had a good groove and the lead singer had a great voice. They had a kind of mellow grunge sound, kind of like Harvey Danger's slower stuff. They also sounded a lot like a Chicago band I heard a few years back called Wonderful Smith, but without the whimsy. I only stayed for a few songs, but I'd definitely seek them out again.

Well, that's all. I wouldn't want this to turn into a real post. That would make 4 this week.

Your Unacceptable! leader

Closed Circuit to Former "President For Life" Fidel Castro

Fidel,

Gracias por caminar abajo. Sé que está sido 49 años largos, especialmente puesto que usted no tenía las maquinillas de afeitar a afeitar durante ese tiempo. Ahora usted puede relajar e intentar y tomar el cuidado de sus dos puntos enfermos. La fuerza le sugiere toma un cigarro agradable, lo enciende, y lo empuja encima de su asno.

(This message brought to you by Babelfish)

I am reminded of a song ...
(Lyrics adapted for Señor Castro)

Wounds won't last long, but an insulting song
Fidel will always carry with him,
So I'll settle my score on the salsa floor,
With this vengeful Latin rhythm.

Cas-tro!
Con un corazón de perro.
Señor Cas-tro!!
El diablo con dinero.

It may not surprise you,
But all of us despise you,
Please die,
And fry,
In Hell,
You rotten,
Rich old wretch

(Song property of "The Simpsons," as performed by the inimitable Tito Puente)

Your Adios Viejo! leader.

Tied To Machines That Make Me Be

I asked at DL tonight, but no one seemed interested in the discussion. I am looking for some platform items to propose at the DFL caucus on Tuesday. Leave a comment with any and all ideas. If I agree or don't care, I'll bring it up on Tuesday.

OK, I didn't get anyone into the first round of this, but go vote for the Best Metal Song of All Time, at KAR. You can guess my vote from the title of this post.

Amber is giving fashion advice to men. It's a lengthy post, and one I can't comment on, being that I'm a man who doesn't care about fashion or attracting a woman (anymore). I will add that wearing a police uniform in Downtown Minneapolis is a good fashion move to attract women, providing that you are an actual cop (being arrested is usually not very becoming).

I thought I would respond with my fashion advice for women to attract men.

1. Wear something that accentuates your breasts and/or rear end and/or legs.

That's pretty much it.

Your "I Can Not Live, I Can Not Die" leader.