Wednesday, October 29, 2008

So This Ain't The End, I Saw You Again Today

I've been hearing a commercial on the radio about a company that, among other things, helps people save their e-mails to comply with government regulations, as well as protecting your e-mail. This wouldn't be interesting, except that the company is call Barracuda Networks.

Someone might want to look into the perfectly named company.

That's all. Back to Fallout.

Your Knee Deep In Super-Mutants leader.

Monday, October 27, 2008

War. War Never Changes

(Yes, that is Ron Pearlman's voice)

Some people have a countdown to the election running on their desktop. Some crazier people have a countdown to a vacation they're taking 5 months from now. Not me.

My countdown is to the release of "Fallout 3." And it's now under 24 hours.

Some people say it's pathetic for a 29 year old man to be excited about a video game. And it is. But I don't care, because at midnight tonight, I will have a copy of the latest installment of the best RPG video game series ever.

The series takes place in a post-apocalyptic future, as might have been imagined in the 1950's. There are giant scorpions, mutated animals, mutant humans, ray-guns and a bunch of people living in fallout shelters. The games take the player through an adventure that starts with trying to save your shelter or villiage. The character explores the strange world that has popped up after the nuclear war, and with humor, drama and a good selection of guns uncovers a deeper mystery that needs to be solved. Solving this mystery usually involves investigation, character interaction, smarts, blowing things up and/or shooting people so full of holes that their skeletons are visible as they fall to the ground.

Did I mention the giant scorpions?

The "level up" system allows you to create any type of hero you like. There are no classes, and between skill selection and "perks" that give special abilities, the possibilites are endless.

Also, there are radioactive geckos and giant monster-lizards called deathclaws.

A while back, I called "Mass Effect" the best game I've ever played. If "Fallout 3" is done right, it will blow ME out of the water. If it keeps at all with the tone and style of the original 2 games, I don't think it can disappoint.

Some have suggested that "Falout 3" will be "Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion" with guns. Well, "Oblivion" was a really good game. If "Fallout 3" is true to the series, it will be great. There will be character interaction, humor, and a strong storyline.

If there isn't, Bethesda can blow me.

Your Dogmeat leader.

*Update* Bethesda doesn't have to save it's mouthwash.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

If You Wanna Hang Out, You've Got To Take Her Out

It was crack. I'm glad that's cleared up. It made for an easy post title. I love that Dubay used the Randy Moss "someone borrowed my car and left the drugs in there" bit. Let this be a lesson to all. If your driver's license isn't up to snuff, don't carry drugs in your car. Also, never do a drug named after part of your own ass (c. Denis Leary).

Of course, since I'm writing from Fake America, my advice isn't really as good as others'. Here's a woman I assume is from real America, to let us know what's up.

"I can't imagine having a President of the United States being named Obama. I real have a problem with that." That's almost as bad as electing a Welshman!

A mother that was atheist? Oh! A father that was a Muslim. Oh oh! "That should get to everyone." At least she seemed to fear Muslims more than atheists. That's rare.

She says her husband knows the right way to vote. He certainly knows the right thing to tell her.

Thank you real America, for putting your views out in plain sight for us.

In closer real America news, Michele Bachmann made a "misstatement" when she called Barack Obama anti-American. Also, Chris Mathews laid a trap for her. Sure, he did. Why Obama would have called himself anti-American if he were lured into Mathews' dark "Hardball" lair. His cunning question of "Do you think Barack Obama is anti-American?" led Bachmann down a slippery slide into a poll of acidic juices that drowned her and digested her over time ... wait, that's not Chris Mathews, that's a pitcher plant.

Anyway, I wonder if Bachmann told Jason Lewis it was a misstatement when she was on his show on Monday, because Lewis says she was right on, and of course Obama is anti-American, and so are all liberals. In fact, anyone who disagrees with him is anti-American. Especially Colin Powell, that dirty liberal commie America hater (I'm paraphrasing). Good luck, Michele.

Speaking of Jason Lewis; The plague is back!
Officials said York was most likely exposed to the plague when he performed an autopsy on a mountain lion that had been infected and most likely killed by it.
First off, it's called a necropsy when done on an animal. I'm guessing the guy missed this news story from 2006. Pumas have been dying of plague for at least two years, and York maybe should have been a little more careful. So, if you've been playing around with dead cougars (the animal, not dead hot old ladies), get to the pharmacy.

On a side note, I referred to the animal in that story by 3 different names. I love puma concolor.

Your I Retract Everything I Just Said leader.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

This Is Our Decision, To Live Fast And Die Young (Vikings 3-4)

Colin Powell endorses Barack obama? Are people wearing hats on their feet and hamburgers eating people? My favorite line is when he just admonishes Michelle Bachmann for this comedy bit.

The Vikings put up a valiant effort against the Bears at Soldier Field, but lost 48-41. Each team individually beat the Over-Bet on this game, and i figured the Vikes would lose by 20, so all in all it wasn't a disaster. I didn't listen to "Vikings Fan Line" to see how the callers blamed this game on Childress, so if you have any theories as to why Childress should be fired because of this game, let me know.

Speaking of Fan Line, I'm guessing Jeff Dubay wasn't hosting. The story doesn't say what the drug was, but in the comments it mentions Meth. Someone says it was 6 grams of Meth, but that would be 3rd degree possession, so I'm not sure I buy that, at least not the amount. I also saw "meth precursors" which means ephedrine or pseudoephedrine (e.g. Sudafed). (That could also mean red phosphorus, but I doubt it.) Too much cold/asthma medication? He was mysteriously gone earlier this year, and rehab is the official rumor. Maybe the speed is to supplement the weight loss program he's been hyping. And stop calling the guy "Puffy," for god's sake; it's driving him to drugs.

I'm guessing he'll be off the air for a while. May I suggest expanding The Common Man Progrum to 5 hours?

Your Wishing Him The Best leader.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

It's Not Funny, It's Not Fair

There's a new show on NBC called "Kath and Kim." It's supposed to be a comedy. I was a little worried about that when I saw that Molly Shannon was in it. Then I saw the ads, which made me ask, aren't commercials for comedies supposed to make the show seem funny? I caught the first 5 minutes of the first episode (it was recorded on my DVR after "My Name is Earl). Not a single laugh. Not a chuckle. Not a smile. Nothing. NBC is calling it their newest hit, which I suppose is accurate if you define "hit" as any TV show you air. This bothers me because NBC thought better of getting "Scrubs" for the last season and replaced it with utterly unfunny crap. Way to go, NBC executives.

And now for news!

Man names daughter Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak
. Against his wife's wishes, apparently. He says he did it to "get the word out." Get the word out that there is a presidential ticket on which someone named McCain and someone named Palin are running? I think that's out there. That you support said ticket? You say you have a lawn sign. That's usually enough. The name has a shelf life of 3 weeks. Ava Grace is a somewhat pretty name (certainly better than other names growing in popularity, like Aschleigheey). My guess is you won't be having any more kids, at least with this wife. If you do, name the next one Jamie American Red Cross, to get the word out about blood donation. You know, something helpful.

Baby Girl Ciptak could always do this, I guess
. I hope Ms. Cutoutdissection(dot)com realizes that many websites stop being active and are often bought out by porn dealers. Actually, I hope she doesn't. That would be hilarious.

105 Year Old Credits Long Life to No Sex. We're happy for ya. I'd rather live to 40, thank you kindly.

And, on a soberingly horrible note, there will be another zombie pub-crawl this year. It's Saturday night, in fact, and somehow the walking dead managed to get me off duty that night. There's nothing I can do to protect you. Good luck, Minneapolis. I'll try and clean up the carnage on Sunday. Just hold on for one night. Here are some tips to help you through the horror.

Best of luck.

Your Properly Horrified leader.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Debate Review

My friends, the debate sucked. To be fair, I watched/listened to only about half.

What I saw was two guys who couldn't follow the rules that they set for themselves. Rules they never should have set. After all, asking a politician to talk for only 1 minute is like asking a cop not to complain about stuff. And Tom Brokaw should be ashamed for how poorly he moderated. .

As far as I could tell, Obama didn't say anything of note. Period. Just platitudes and slogans and blaming McCain for the economic crisis.

On the other hand, John McCain did decide the government would be better than the private market in renegotiating bad home loans. I've wondered why banks wouldn't go ahead and renegotiate a bad loan rather than lose the cash, but Johnny Mac wants the big bad government to just buy them all and hope it works out.

Maybe it's a good plan, but let's stop with the small government BS. And tell me how you'll pay for it. If it's higher taxes, fine, but admit it. Also, he blamed Obama for the economic crisis.

Anyway, no one's mind will be changed, but there's little that will change anyone's mind. The little gauge that showed what the "undecided" voters were thinking kept going up for both candidates when they said pretty things about the American people, and down whenever they mentioned numbers of any kind. Apparently, anything of substance immediately turns off voters.

Hard to believe our campaigns are the way they are.

Your Not So Confident leader.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

I'll Be Gone (Vikings 2-3)

It's been a while. I got a new laptop, and I've been playing Spore a lot, making my own creature and raising it from a cell to a space-faring race. Pretty awesome, I must say. (Rumors that I spent $1,000 on a laptop to play a $50 game are, as of this posting, unconfirmed.)

(Addition: Almost forgot the Vikes): The Vikings managed to win a game that was desperately given to them by the N.O. Saints. It's sad to think that Antoine Winfield might end up leading the team in touchdowns. Or, even less likely, Viscante Shianco.

If you are fortunate enough to have HBO, you should check out "The Life and Times of Tim," a new cartoon show. It is about Tim, who is a most unfortunate man. He is put into really bad situations, usually through no fault of his own, and, being polite, has a really hard time getting out of them. One episode had Tim being promoted to Vice-President of his company, but only if he pretends to be Mexican so the company looks more diverse. Another episode had him talked into objecting to his girlfriend's sister's wedding by the presiding priest. Most of these episodes involve Tim saying "This sounds like a bad idea" at some point. The humor is dry, the animation "squiggle-vision" like, and the characters wacky (except Tim, who is pretty much the most regular guy ever). It's on Sunday nights. Love it.

Sometimes, a music video illustrates a great song. Other times, the video is a weird mishmash that has nothing to do with the song. However, it is very rare when the song simply says what's going on in the video.

There's a "debate" tonight. If you're one of the 20 people who doesn't have a preference in candidates, let us know who you think won. Then relax and know that 20 people won't swing the election either way.

Your Take Me On leader.