Thursday, December 28, 2006

There Will Be No Encore

Just a quick shout-out to LappDogg, who has moved over from LiveJournal. He tried to do it stealthily, but I made my spot check. Now he has to explain the web address. What's a Tosscobble? Unless he's been throwing paving stones lately.

I got Rome through Netflix. What a great show. It follows the rise of Gaius Julius Caesar and those around him, including two common soldiers. The DVDs are great because there's a pop-up feature that gives background about what's going on and the political ramifications of the characters' actions. I've only watched 4 episodes, and I'm hooked.

Sadly, Gerald Ford died. He was a great man, inventing the automobile and all that. Ha. Seriously, though, I hear he liked watching football and drinking beer. And also nachos.

Your It's a Simpsons Reference, Not Disrespect leader.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas! (Please Don't Shoot)

Well, the War Against Christmas is almost over for another year. And while I hate to keep using tactics of the Right, they are just so good. Like pointing out Americans may use a little torture, but in Iraq they just cut people's heads off, so there's nothing wrong with us. Think there's a War on Christmas here in America? Well you can sell a Christmas tree here without the threat of being blown up. Yeah, you American Christians are really oppressed here.

Here's a cute picture of the Hillock.

That was right before a visit from Santa Cthulu, who brings Unspeakable Horror and presents to children on Cephalopodmas Eve!

I hope everyone had an Eldritch Cephalopodmas, and has a Merry Christmas!

Your Tentacled Gift-Giver leader.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Hey, Miss Murder

Just in time for Christmas ...

He looks just like the lead singer of AFI. Or Robert Smith.

By the way, I graduated the Academy last week. I've already gotten into a slow speed chase. Life is good.

Just so you know, Keith Ellison was born in Michigan. I'm no fan of Islam, or any religion for that matter. I just wish people would realize the hypocrisy in calling for people to conform to "American Values," when the 1st American Value is freedom. To steal a page from the right-wing handbook, if you don't like immigration, feel free to leave America and find yourself a country that doesn't let in outsiders.

Oh, the irony hurts so bad!

Continuing the War on Christmas, Fecke tells us the real reason for the season. Does everyone have their Saturnalia orgy planned? If so, shoot me an invite, bitte.

Technically, the Vikings aren't eliminated from the playoffs. Technically, I could one day be President. Good luck to both of us.

Your Hail to the Chimp leader.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Monday, December 11, 2006

Hate; Give 'Em What they Want

Since I like torturing myself, I listen to AM1280 The Patriot a lot. Michael Medved is a favorite of mine, since he's a movie critic who isn't told to shut up on issues outside of his professional purview like those whose work he critiques are. Anyway, he was discussing which political candidates for President scare him the most. Al Gore, whom he called "deranged" was his pick, but he also mentioned Barack Obama.

Apparently, Obama's middle name is Hussein. It's a fact that Medved brought up as a "revelation" to Americans. Medved added that people knowing that Obama's middle name is the same as a former Iraqi dictator wouldn't really affect anything. He then managed to mention Barack "Hussein" Obama at least twice more in casual conversation.

Quick; what are the middle names of your senators?

Medved knows that tying Obama to Sadaam Hussein, even if it's only by name, will cause a part of the population to rethink voting for the man. He knows this, and that's why he mentioned Obama's middle name several times for no obvious reason. But that's right-wing radio. Make your opponent look bad by playing on the fears of Americans, and then claim that it's really "The Left" who thinks poorly of America.

Your NMN leader.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Let the Battle Begin

It's time again to ramp up the War on Christmas. Here are your marching orders.

It's too cold for anything else.

Your Shivering leader.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

OK. So, my last post was about tasering. Since then, I have been clocked while engaging in the Sweet Science. I also was tear-gassed. I love my job.

Of all I've been through in the Academy, if I were forced to pick one to do again, it would be the taser by a long shot. I'd take that over some of the PT we had to do, for that matter. The tear-gas wasn't terrible, but it really sucks for about 2 minutes, until you can get some fresh air and catch your breath. Mind you, we were in an enclosed trailer and had to take off our masks. I imagine it's a little more bearable in an open area. Still not my idea of a fun Saturday night, though.

I graduate in 8 days, and I couldn't be happier.

Actually, I could be happier, had I never seen this:

Yes - That is indeed 2 Caribou Coffee stores right next to each other. It's up in C**n Rapids (P.C. Police Note: We don't like the name of that city. You have been edited and warned!!!) To be fair, there was an old store there, and it's expanding. This is how I picture Seattle, except with Starbucks instead.

Unfortunately, I may not make it back to Drinking Liberally for a while, so if any of you read this, I've not abandoned you. I'm just stuck working Thursday nights for a while. I'll get back as soon as possible.

Your *Cough* Cough* *Hack* leader.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

She Dropped Her Shoes When She Fell Down

UCLA Cops Gone Wild!

It just so happens that the day after Spotty sent me this video, I got tasered. (On a side note, Spotty, could you send me video of a guy getting ... oh, never mind). Getting tasered sucks. A lot. It doesn't hurt, though. It's like a full-body muscle spasm for 5 seconds. As soon as it's done. it's done. No residual effects outside of the continuing adrenaline rush. I'd "ride the buffalo" 100 times before choosing to get maced again.

Having said all of this, the cops up there were just wrong. For one, you can't stand up while being tasered. Telling someone to do so is just stupid. Tasers are to be used to incapacitate someone so the officers can take control, not to get someone to do something. Once the person is in custody, the taser is no longer neccessary. Luckily, tasers have the ability to record their use, so the officers got some 'splainin' to do.

This was misuse of a tool by officers. This should not be a demonization of the Taser. Tasers save lives by giving officers another option of force. Officers routinely use Tasers in deadly force situations. Often, a person tasered is a person not shot.

So again, getting tasered sucks. But it's a lot better than being shot. These cops did wrong, and should be held accountable.

Your Electricity leader.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Werewolves of Wisconsin

I saw a werewolf with a Leinenkugel's in his hand
Walking through the streets of Milwaukee in the rain
The best part is, the guy is pissed people are calling the creature "bigfoot," because it had canine features, and we all know that Bigfoot is more primate looking. Ahhh-ooooo!

It's no wonder people think the American court system is messed up. This guy had sex with a deer carcass. Now his lawer is arguing that he can't be charged with bestiality because an animal is defined as a living thing. Which is absolutely true. The charges against Mr. Hathaway should be dropped. Then the statute should be rewritten so I don't have to worry about people having sex with roast turkey with impunity. It's sad, you know. I'd never worried about that before.

Notice that both of the above stories involve Wisconsin and deer carcasses. I have nothing to add, just take notice.

Your Don't Wanna Think About It leader.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Why'd You Call Me? Must Be Bad

Quick poll. Your choices are the a-cappella groups that take popular songs and re-make them in a-capella form, and the two-man singer/songwriter guitar playing Simon & Garfunkle wussie wannabees. (This does not apply to the actual Simon & Garfunkle, whose music I respect and admire.) The question is, which is more pretentious and annoying?

So everyone is excited about the Democrats taking control of the House and the Senate. Unfortunately, the Dems don't control the Senate. The Connecticut for Lieberman Party does. Let's hope that the Left Wing can keep him happy. Which seems to defeat the purpose, but that's politics.

I also want to take a moment to report that trust and human kindness still exist in McGregor, MN. I went to the gas station, and had filled up my car when I realized I didn't have my wallet. The clerk inside let me drive home and get it, and even refused to accept my rifle as collateral. The world isn't doomed.

For now.

Your Kindness of Strangers leader.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

And Now ... Endorsements!

I forgot to mention the dark side of hunting. I got very little sleep, and was forced to pee in an ice cream bucket like a common hobo. Also, I'd like to point out that the picture in the previous post is a stock photo and isn't actually me. After all, everyone knows that the real DiscordianStooge wears glasses.

On an unrelated note, I'm really enjoying the contact lenses I just got on Tuesday.

On to the endorsements, courtesy of the Discordian Church, Minnesota Stooge Synod.

Governor: Dr. Eldritch. In these trying times of ours, we need a strong leader with real answers. Especially to fake questions. Dr. Eldritch has the wisdom to lead, and the intelligence to solve the pressing problems of our time. Illegal immigration has gotten a lot of headlines, but only Dr. Eldritch has the know-how to deal with illegal extra-dimensional immigration, which, considering the growing wormhole near Mora, is a real concern. And as Lt. Governor, Trevor the Troll has promised to be tough on Level 3 sex offenders by devouring them whole. He also has a comprehensive E-85 plan.

Attorney General: Jack McCoy. "Hang-Em High" McCoy is the obvious choice to represent Minnesotans in court. As a New York City ADA, he has sent countless murderers to prison. Now is the time for us to put his skills to use fighting corporate greed or whatever it is the AG does.

Secretary of State: Pam Beesly. She can handle Michael Scott as a secretary at Dunder-Mifflin. That's enough for me.

State Auditor: Not the guy who wrote it, but the actual web site should be auditor. Because who really cares?

U.S. Senate: Amy Klobuchar. Even if she does actually exist, I think she'd make a good senator and she didn't run a bunch of attack ads. Plus, Mark Kennedy really creeps me out.

That's it from here. I'm not weighing in on the House of Reps races because I'm tired and the joke was already too thin to begin with.

Vote on Tuesday. If you don't, Nahina will come for you, so keep plenty of kitties and pumpkins available.

Your Never Vote For A Winner leader.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Drop It Like It's Hot

The Minnesota Deer Hunting (Rifle) season started at 6:25 AM today. At 6:27AM I shot my first deer ever. At least I'm claiming it was a deer. It's about the size of my cat. In my defense, my cat is really fat. Anyway, I am just happy I was able to hit the thing. If you're an animal activist of some kind, it's not a real deer. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Your The Deer Hunter leader.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Listen At Your Own Amusement

T.D. Mischke is one of the great radio entertainers of any generation. He also doesn't belong on the air during daylight hours. Putting him against the Comman Man leaves me conflicted, since their styles are so similar.

I hope Mischke finds a way to make it work. (Thanks for the tip from Mitch)

Your Nightime is the Right Time leader.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

The Waiting is the Hardest Part.

Ok. Here's the deal. I know I said I would have my endorsements tonight. Unfortunately, I had to run 6.2 miles today, and then go Drink liberally. I also have to clean my gun. SO I'll endorse sometime between trying to shoot Bambi this weekend. However, I have decided to reprint my endorsement from the 2004 presidential election, just to keep your mouths watering.

(Originally posted 10/21/2004)

Well, it's that time of year. Political spots have been wittled down to, "You're a poopy head." "Yeah, well you're a doody-pooty head!"

As a Discordian Stooge, I have decided on endorsing a candidate. George W. Bush has been putting in a lot of hard work, and John Kerry has a plan, but there is a candidate who is literally heads above the rest. And that candidate is Demogorgon.

Demogorgon will be strong on terrorism. Considering that at his "dread name the trembling Furies quake," and that he controls the armies of the netherworld, can it be long before the War on Terror (TM) is won? Also, rebuilding Iraq should be simple for a progenitor God whose power created all of the gods themselves. Other nations will bow before his might, making America popular in the world once again.

Also, being all-powerful, Demogorgon is not beholden to any special interests. Some might say that most special interests are, in fact, beholden to him. His health care plan involves drastically reducing costs by culling the sick and infirm, casting them into the depths of the Abyss, but of course sacrifices must be made by all of us.

Of course, one must look at the whole ticket. It has been said that Demogorgon chose Yog-Sothoth as his running mate mostly to shore up the Elder God vote, but this overlooks Yog-Sothoth's ability to literally build a gate to the future. And the the past as well. In fact, he is the gate. Sure, Dick Cheney may seem more presidential, but whom would you rather have in power if the President were to die? A man with a failing heart, an inexperienced Senator, or the "All-in-One and One-in-All of limitless being and self"?

Sure, the Demogorgon/Yog-Sothoth ticket is only on the ballot in 17 states. This should not stop us from voting for the best candidates. These beings have a vision for the future. Or visions of the future. Either way, they are the best hope for America.

You Decide.

I approbate this missve,

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

You Miss a Beat, You Lose the Rythm

OK. I'm finally recovered from the Vikings-Patriots game. The Affiliate managed to conceal her glee that Tom Brady is her Fantasy football QB. She's still in last place. Serves her right.

Also, the Affiliate is on a 3-day hiatus from work, before starting her new job next week. She'll now be waking up at the same time as I. Oh, joy!

This should have been her Halloween costume. Scream in terror. It's Darth Amortize!!!!!!!

Striking fear into the hearts of children. Especially those dark and evil Buddhists. Just because their fairytale is different than yours doesn't mean you can't play nice. Quote: "I welcome the pressures because then we can put God's agenda on the forefront and actually have a dialogue about it," Comer said. Yes, condemning anyone who doesn't believe as you do is a great dialogue. I hereby state that anyone who believes that there is a God will end up in Candy-Unicorn-Puppydog land, no matter how many millions they steal, people they kill, or puppies they kick. (The puppy kickers are strongly urged not to enter the puppydog section of Candy-Unicorn-Puppydog Land) Non-believers will still be sent to nothing, which will continue to not bother them in the least.

But even scarier to kids, some men love other men! Look, if kids are smart enough to figure out step-siblings and 4 sets of grandparents, they can figure out Aunt Claire and Aunt Melanie living together. It's really not a big deal.

Tomorrow, the DiscordianStooge endorsements.

Your Darth Hello kitty leader.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Sunday, October 22, 2006

The Tick-Tock of the Clock is Painful

Kevin-M has broken into my mind and stolen my wedding plans. He wrote it better than I ever could, anyway.

How 'bout those Minnesota football Gophers. They pulled off thrilling 10-9 victory against the Bison of ... wait for it ... North Dakota State University. Were you to do a little research, you might notice that the Thundering Herd is a Division I-AA team. Which is a lot like the varsity team barely beating the JV squad. At this point, I'm assuming that Glen Mason has pictures of Joel Maturi in bed with a dead woman and a live boy, as well as several breeds of livestock and birds. How else Mason keeps his job eludes me.

Like LappDogg said, if the Gophers' line is less than 40 points next week, take your life savings, fly to Las Vegas and bet everything on #1 The Ohio State University. The Buckeyes will cover easily.

Your Underdog leader.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I Can't See Nothin' Round Here

Despite what the KQ morning show may say, I don't find Michelle Bachmann attractive. So I've decided not to embed this video.

She's a fool. That's not my opinon. She says it several times right in the speech. Now I'm not a fan of Patty Wetterling, and I wish she'd quit making stuff up about Bachmann (There are so many true things to attack), but for god's sake, we can't elect Bachmann. I'm begging you folks north and east of the metro to vote for someone else.

Speaking of campaign ads, KARE11 had a shocking expose last week: There are misleading attack ads being aired! Right during this very newscast!

A better use of those 4 minutes would have been to explain why the ads were misleading. A better idea might be to refuse to air ads that have demonstrable lies in them. But that doesn't make money now, does it? We need more outfits like FactCheck, especially at the local level. Truely non-partisan, they just take statements and ads and explain how they are misleading or right-out lies.

I wish I were bright enough to setsomethng like this up (or at least to have invented YouTube), but since I'm not, I'm just going to bitch a moan like a good Democrat.

Your Truth In Advertising leader.

Friday, October 13, 2006

We're Just Livin' This Way 'Cause We Know No Other

An unfortunate misunderstanding has left me stranded alone in McGregor, MN. It's just as well. I had planned on taking a week of vacation to come here to my folks place in January while they were on a cruise. That was before I got a new job, which leaves me unable to vacation this January. So I'll spend a night alone here in the cold. It's a really beautiful place, and I'm not at all bothered. Perhaps some links (and a glass of amaretto) will warm me up.

An as-of-yet unfinished documentry about The 101st Fighting Keyboards has surfaced. (via Fecke). If you know anything about the history of blogging, it's a must. Of course, if you're a member of the right-wing blog-o-sphere, you probably won't be amused.

Apparently Robert Anton Wilson, co-author of the Greatest Conspiricy Story Ever Told, is ill. Being the DiscordianStooge that I am, this vexes me. Being part Klingon, (on my mother's side) I say, "May he die well."

A literal war against drugs. (via Beckerman)

This is a break while I read more blogs so I can find stories to link to.

Nothing. OK, then, a video may be best for my drunken state.

I gave up on MadTV a long time ago. It was funny when it started, but quickly became a parody of itself, which is only funny if you've been on as long as Saturday Night Live (which unfortunately hasn't realized this). After seeing this, I'm thinking maybe I should try MadTV again.

Your Alone Up North leader.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

If You Should Smile When You Hear My Name

OK. The Twins are done. That's OK. Really. I'm not at all depressed by their completely worthless play in the playoffs. Really. At least I've got Gopher foot... um the Vik... um, Gopher hock... damn it!!

I went out drinking with some of my new co-workers last night. I stuck around most of the night to see if anyone would be picking up a hottie for the night. Alas, they all failed. This was new for me, as I'm not the picking up women at bars type, nor are my friends. I used to pick up women at weddings.

The Affiliate has reminded me that the Wild have a chance not to suck this year. Go Hockey!

David Strom (Motto: "I must laugh as loud as possible at everything I say! HA HA HAW!") is back on The Patriot after a brief stint at another local station. Apparently it was cheaper for the Tax Evader's League to pay for a show on AM1280 than a Clear Channel station. Let's hope that 1280 is getting more cash than they were before Strom left to air his virtually unlistenable show. Could this be a ploy to make the Right-Wing Blogger Circle-jerk show sound even more professional?

Your Minnesota Sports leader.

Monday, October 02, 2006

We're Gonna Win Twins!

OK. The MLB season is over. Let's see how the predictions went.

Twins Win Division: 46 winners.
Tie Breakers: Correct Record: 15 winners.
Detroit Takes 2nd Place: 3 winners.

Final tie-breaker: When will the Twins clinch?

Hmm... "The Twins will drop 2 games before beating the White Sox. Meanwhile, Detroit will be swept, including blowing a 6 run lead in the final game to the worst team to ever play baseball, the Royals, and lose 10-8 in 12 innings."

Damn you, Bob from the Future.

Anyway, since the Vikings seem to not know what offense is (despite playing in an offensive manner), I'm going to revel in the Twins' supremacy for a while.

Also, I fell out of a tree trying to repair a hunting stand on Saturday. I'm OK, though. Not much else is going on. I'm just working and polishing boots and ironing a lot.

Check out "Standoff" on Fox when baseball playoff are over. It's pretty good.

See ya.

Your Falling leader.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Saturday, September 16, 2006

I Attack with My +3 Vorpal Blade

Your Nerd leader.

Tastes Like Burning!

If at all possible, avoid ever being Maced. Trust me here. it isn't pleasant. My face still hurts. And my eyes.

Stolen from Tild, who is more than happy to have it spread. She has other great bumper sicker designs to choose from.

"Murder suspects in Nigeria, where many people believe in black magic, sometimes claim spirits tricked them into killing." Change spirits to God, and we've got the same thing here in the U.S.

And my streak of voting for only one winning candidate continues. Yes, I helped elect Mark Dayton back in 2002, and look where that got me. I'm thinking of voting straight Repub ticket this year, to see if that works.

Your Freeze +P leader.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

I Nicknamed Her "Stampy"

Apparently VP Cheney admitted Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. I imagine the right-wing blogosphere will now start calling him a traitor or a dirty liberal or French.

I attended the MOB Get-Together at Keegan's last night. I had some fun, at least until the conversation turned to Rush. I'm not the type who is good at meeting new people, so I have a hard time at large gatherings where I know nobody. Luckily Rew and Smartie were there to keep me company. Also, I met LearnedFoot, who is as funny as his writing would imply (even if he did bring up Rush).

Today was even cooler. I got to ride an elephant!!!!!!

That's the Affiliate and me on the elephant.

My love of elephants is evident to anyone who has seen the dozen or so elephant statues around my house. This was my first ride on an elephant, and it was awesome, even if it only lasted 8 minutes.

We were at the Renaissance Festival, which is as geeky as it sounds. But we had a good time. Even Puke & Snot were funnier than I remember them being. And I ate a giant turkey leg.

Here's the Affiliate and her friend with their newly braided hair.

So that was my weekend. Hope yours went well.

Your Hannibal leader.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

I Love to Run

Not really, but I have to pretend for the next 3 months or so.

By the way, I got a new job. That's all I really care to say.

I also found out that my old D.A.R.E. Officer is running for Washington County Sheriff. If you live in the far East Metro, check out William Hutton. I worked with him for a short time at the Oakdale P.D., and he is a good man and a great peace officer. He'd make a great sheriff.

That's my only endorsement until after the primary. Be sure to vote on the 12th!

I'll be posting light for a while. I should still be making Drinking Liberally, so if you go there, you can talk to me. For whatever that's worth.

Your Running Man leader.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

All Whacked on the Scooby Snacks

Anti-depressants: Side effects may include dry mouth, dizziness and jewelry store robbery.

I was interviewed by this guy for my job. I don't think I'm in trouble, since I mentioned I was engaged.

I wonder what he'd think of this: (Click on the Image to see it better)

(via Pharyngula)

Your Not Gay, nor Depressed leader.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Vampire Free for Several Months

I'd like to apologize for posting late at night. I'll try not to do it ever again.

I have a link to a new web comic, Ask Dr. Eldritch, which is a weird as the name implies (There's a horny troll, and a horny robot, and a horny interdimensional monster hunter ... you get the idea), but I'd ask you to also check out the main page which links to Dr. Eldritch's day job; advice columnist for those who are beset by ghosts, vampires, goblins and other para-normal, super- or preter-natural problems. Really an invaluable resource, wouldn't you agree?

Usually, school principals are snivelling bald piles of goo, but this one decided to have some balls. I may not agree with dress codes, but if you have one, it had better be enforced.

I don't know if Spotty's dealt with her yet, but Katie has made an incredible discovery; Family vacations are good stuff! She (of course) derides that a study was done on the subject by calling it common sense, but that makes me wonder, Is it really better to write a column about a study than to release the study to begin with? But remember, it's only a real "family" vacation if the parents are a married man and woman. Everything else is detrimental to society, no matter how much fun you think you're having.

Your Pull Up Your Pants leader.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Late ... So Late ...

For some reason I agreed to work an overnight shift at work, with only a week to go. I guess it was so I could go to the Fair earlier, as well as a couple of weddings tomorrow. And because I'm stupid.

I'm thinking that if I mention Kristin Stinar here again, I'll be the first link in Google when someone decides to search for "kristin stinar blogs" again in the future. (Update 8/30/06: Yep, I am)

Hi, person searching for "kristin stinar blogs." Look around. Drop me an e-mail. If you actually are Kristin Stinar, stroking your ego by googling for yourself (as we all often do), I'm sorry to tell you that no matter how smokin' hot you are, I am engaged to be married. And a lot of your work is sensationalist bull-flop.

Enough of that.

I recently took a certain psychological test for a job with a certain police department. While all of these tests have outrageously wierd questions ("Do you ever hear voices while alone in the dark?" Of course not. Only when I am in indirect sunlight), I was surprised by one of them in particular.

The question was true-false: "A woman's place is in the home." I will add that of the 12 people in the room, 5 of them were women. Now, this question struck me as inherently sexist, considering that it is self-evident that no woman applying for a job believes that her place is in the home. Therefore the question was not meant for women, which means that this test for police officers assumed that no women would be taking it. Now, I don't see sexism everywhere, but let no one assault my feminist credentials completely.

Because I can never pass up a good googlebombing, here's a link to a debunking ofThe Politically Incorrect Guide to Darwinism and Intelligent Design by one Jonathan Wells. I'm always willing to help out a good cause.

Finally, I'm planning to put up some of my old writings from various places here, to save them for myself, because I find them amusing. I'll clearly mark them as old, and put the date I originally wrote them. enjoy.

Your Not That Crazy leader.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

A Beautiful Faire (Plus Thursday Monkey Blogging)

Today if the first day of the Minnesota State Fair, which leads to some of the best Common Man bits outside of Vikings losses. I love live, on-location radio. I'll be there tomorrow.

Finally, the FDA has approved Plan B. Mostly. Anyway, anyone interested in spreading the news should check out the T-Shirts being sold by Bitch Ph.D.

Damn you, astronomy lobby! I was hoping to have a great line for my kids, and now they will have to do with fewer planets. Also, Dwarf Planet is offensive. "Little Person" planet, please!

And though it's against my nature, here's a cute story about Tiny Monkeys. Also, this will be the only Thursday Monkey Blogging I'll be doing. I'll find another Day Blogging to do next time.

Your Random Update leader.

Friday, August 18, 2006

They Make Take Our Swords....


I'm ambivalent on the banning of guns. But this is just ridiculous.

They are certainly among the range of weapons that are used by people. This reduces their availability except for legitimate reasons. I think if it saves one life or permanent disfigurement it is worthwhile. - RUDI CRAWFORD, A & E CONSULTANT

I must say however, they are allowing swords to be kept for "religious, cultural or sporting purposes," which means that the country will be overrun with sword wielding, permanently disfigured Presbyterians and Druids. A result which I am neither strongly for nor against.

For Ollie Ox, and the rest of you who may be college professors or teachers, here's a primer on how to plagiarize. But not really. The comments include more tips, as well as an argument as to whether the statement "The only people allowed to use the word “colour” are those with Indian surnames" is discriminatory. To which the author answers yes, "because I am an evil imperialist pig and consumed by dark forces."

Aren't we all. (via Millard Fillmore's Bathtub)

Finally, for those of you who fear Big Brother, stay out of the library. First things first: I work at the library, but I do not speak for the library.

Now, I met the smokin' hot Kristin Stinar when she came in, and she's even more smokin' hot in person. This doesn't excuse the fact that the majority of our bathrooms have no cameras, not "a few" a she said. I'd also like to ask her if people might feel "uncomfortable" being secretly filmed by, oh, I don't know, an investigative news team.

I agree that signs indicating surveillance are a good idea, if for nothing more than a deterrent. I just wish we could have shown the video of a homeless guy washing his feet in the sink. It's stuff like that we're able to stop with cameras.

Your Braveheart leader.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Minnesota Sports

The pre-season is about to begin. Of course I'm talking about football. (Or as the Affiliate would say, foobaw!!!) Not to mention that the Twins are in an exciting wild-card race (yes, I just said that).

We'll see how the Vikes are this year. I know all the negativity in this town sucks, but I'll put them at 9-7, with a shot at the playoffs in the dismal NFC Nort'.

Oh, and, um, bad DFL! Endorsement not good idea. Luther and Swanson not able off ballot. Let primary voter decide. Now too late for Kelley. No endorsed candidate ever win.

Sorry. I'm not up for intelligent political analysis after the Affiliate's family reunion.

Your Purple leader.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The End of an Era?

Well, I don't know much about Ned Lamont or Joe Lieberman, but from what I hear about Connecticut, I may move there. (Link is not work safe)

Anyway, I'm really here to mention that the Affiliate and I are now engaged. My plans for a grand romantic proposal were thrown to the wind, but I did surprise the hell out of her, so I'll take that as a win.

We're not actually getting married for a while, but go ahead and write down 6/7/08 on a piece of paper, so that when you get a 2008 calendar, you can save the date.

Here's a pic.

Aren't we just so cute!!!!!

Your Nice Knowin' Ya leader.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Wrong Again, Liberal Media

A Truthful Voice has something to say. His name is putatively George McClure.

The mainstream media in this country are dominated by liberals.

I was informed of this fact by Rush Limbaugh. And Thomas Sowell. And Ann Coulter. And Rich Lowry. And Bill O'Reilly. And William Safire. And Robert Novak. And William F. Buckley, Jr. And George Will.

Of course it's true. Because the Right has no control over the media. They especially don't own any of them. Oh, wait:
Just for the sake of argument, let's assume that the media in America really are predominantly recalcitrant leftists. Say you're a conservative media mogul named Rupert and you have the wherewithal to do something about it. Here are three paths you might take:

1. You could announce your belief that the reporting of news is always subjective and therefore biased, so you are going to start a news network that comes at things from your own perspective in order to balance out what you perceive to be the bias of the left.

2. You could set up your own news network that actually is fair and balanced.

3. You could set up your own news network that's consistently and demonstrably partisan, but call yourself fair and balanced

The whole thing is a decent read.

Monday, August 07, 2006

True Love

I'm pretty sure the Affiliate and I have had this exact conversation.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Quiz Failure, Yet Again

Damn those Gear Daddies!

I tried. I really tried. And yet, the "5 Stooges" were unable to break the top 50% at the MNSpeak Pub Quiz. Just to pimp, we had rew, Noah, Soren and some guy named Just Plain Bob, plus me, your friendly neighborhood DiscordianStooge. My biggest contribution was recognizing "Hands Open" by Snow Patrol, although I did name Dylan's "It Ain't Me Babe" in 2 notes.

We were the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked.

Also, I almost went over the line with my snark. When the quizmaster told us he was done making Israel/Lebanon jokes, I added that it was because they bombed.

Your Quiz not-leader.

Monday, July 31, 2006

I've Decided Not To Title This Entry

The effect was that of a Cyclopian city of no architecture known to man or human imagination, with vast aggregations of night-black masonry embodying monstrous perversions of geometrical laws and attaining the most grotesque extremes of sinister bizarrerie. - H.P. Lovecraft - "At the Mountains of Madness"

Or, as I would have said it, "That there's fucked up!"

Who says literature must be understandable?

Your Eldritch leader.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Into New Waters

I've decided to make the leap here from Livejournal. Hopefully I'm able to learn how to use this new set of tools.

Welcome all, I hope we can have some fun together.

Your it Smells Funny In Here leader.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Twelve Minutes

"Drink up. The world's about to end." - Ford Prefect