Sunday, November 30, 2008

And It's Slippin' Away (Vikings 7-5)


The Vikings have sole possession of first place. That's what happens when you stop a team on 4 straight downs from inside the 1 yard line, then turn around and throw a 99 yard touchdown pass.

Also, the Vikings are undefeated in Hailey's lifetime. We know for whom she cheers.

Have a pleasant week.

Your Happy As A Clam leader.

When I Want Somethin' And I Don't Wanna Pay For It

Story of the week.
Appleton police said residents should be on the lookout for a gorilla head.
OK, that's a great start.
Police said someone took the head off a 6-foot mechanical gorilla mannequin in the parking lot of Balloon Magic. It disappeared between 10 a.m. Thursday and 9 a.m. Friday.
Where can I get my own mechanical gorilla mannequin? Unfortunately, a google search for "mechanical gorilla mannequin" leads mostly to this story, along with an episode list for "Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction" that includes an episode in which a mechanical gorilla goes on a rampage. Which may be why the head was stolen from this gorilla.

Oh, but the best part of the story:

The gorilla advertises the fact the business offers gorilla-grams — a gorilla delivering a message along with balloons.
This is the best service offered by any business ever. However, I'm guessing it's a person in a gorilla costume, not an actual gorilla, that delivers the message. Gorillas would demand a union, making them cost-prohibitive.

Anyway, the cops should be checking fraternities at Lawrence University for the goods. This sounds like a good pledge prank.

In personal news, my big toe feels like it's broken. I think I might have gout. More on this developing story as it develops.

Your Ow, Ow, OW! leader.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh, Baby

I am an uncle!

Say "Hi" to Hailey McKenna (Last name withheld by her request).

Here she is with her daddy:

And here's my Mom with her first grandchild:

I'm guessing Dr. SIL would prefer her "just after giving birth" picture remain private, so I'll withhold it, but Hailey looks just like her mom.

And a song for the little girl:

May the world be a better place for your being in it.

Your It's Looking At Me, Make It Stop leader.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Screwed Us Both Again

So, through a convoluted process that I won't get into, but started with the god-awful movie "Carnosaur" being on at 3:45 am, I ended up on Wikipedia last night. What else is new?

I was reading about deinonychus, the kick ass dinosaur that is represented far better by the velociraptors in the significantly better than "Carnosaur" "Jurrasic Park" than actual velociraptors (which were much smaller than depicted in "JP"). Or so I thought.

They had this picture of what D. antirrhopus may have looked like:

Yes, those are feathers.

In the many years since I have studied dinosaurs, apparently it has been decided that most or all coelurosaurs had feathers. I have known since I was a kid that birds are dinosaurs, and I'd heard that it had been theorized that dinos might have feathers, but I didn't know that it had become so accepted that the main rendering of a deinonychus would be feathered.

Most people still call apatosaurus "brontosaurus," which hasn't been its name for 100 years or so. I wonder how long it will take people to see T-Rex not as a giant lizard, but more like Big Bird, if Big Bird had 5 inch long teeth and tiny arms.

I wonder if Joe Liberman ran for President as a Republican if he would still keep stay on the Democratic Party's good side. It sounds like a joke, but I wouldn't bet against it. The guy campaigned for Sen. McCain. Unless he votes 100% with what the Dem leadership wants, it makes no sense to keep him around. And I'm guessing the people of Connecticut would be against their elected officials doing solely what a party wants. If the Dems don't throw him out the first time he doesn't end a fillibuster, they deserve no support.

The 'Farian has stronger words on the subject.

And Alaska saves themselves from being named the craziest state in the union. The fact that a recently convicted multiple felon facing jail time (who boldly stated that he had not been convicted of anything) came as close as he did keeps them in the running, though. Also their large number of moose, considered by some to be the craziest of all animals. I wonder how the Democrat running the election in Alaska stole it for Mark Begich, who was behind on election night.

Don't write songs about shooting people when you actually shot them
. At the very least, don't call them out by name. After all, we don't know exactly whom Johnny Cash shot just to watch die.

Your Terrible Bird leader.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

I Am A Fighter Who's Not Made A Fist (Vikings 5-4)

Yes! Tied for first (again). Game balls on defense to an injured Jared Allen and Madieu Williams, who made a tremendous stop on the penultimate play to force a 52 yard field goal attempt, which, of course, was missed. On offense, Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor combined for 337 of Minnesotas 371 offensive yards. Ye-gads!

It was the top on a great day. I got a buck with actual antlers this morning as well. It's a good sized deer, and should be some good eating. I also got to dig around in its guts, which was cool. T. Hussein Mississippifarian should be happy. There are 4 fewer deer roaming Aitkin county today because of my hunting party. Another guy actually cock-blocked one buck. He got the doe as well. So no baby rats deer for them.

I'll have pictures soon.

Your Venison leader.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Closed Circuit to the Minnesota Right-Wing Blogosphere


Alas, Ralph Wiggum loses. Maybe next time.

As I sit here with my promised glass of 18 year old McCallan, I just can't help but picture Mitch lamenting the fact that it didn't rain today.

I'm also shocked that the Senate race is not called by now. I predicted Coleman by 4. I'm pissed that Bachmann is going to win, but I'll live with the fact that she should only have two years until her district no longer exists.

It's an historic night. McCain gave an incredible concession speech, and we can all look forward to 95% tax rates in January.

I'm kidding about that last point. But forced gay marriages are coming, that's for sure.

Your Arab Muslim Atheist Communist Socialist Anti-American Pro-Terrorist Foreign-Born leader.