Friday, August 29, 2008

Sweet Zombie Jesus

Things have been slow with convention coverage. I did get to watch a 53-6 bee-atching at a high school football game.

This is disconcerting:

(via PZ)

I'm just trying to piss off Bill Donohue. It's not a hobby or anything, but whatever I can do to help.

Your Bored and Tired leader.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Until I Get My Vengance, I Will Never End This Mayhem

This will probably be my last post for a couple of weeks due to douchenozzles who think breaking windows and blowing up cars isn't violence.

Speaking of violence, I'm looking forward to this game. I don't normally like commercials, but every once in a while one tickles me. If you want to make me laugh, take a gangster rap style song and play it in a different style. For example:

In more serious news, I've intercepted a report from a clandestine lab:

On one hand, this could be incredibly scary, especially considering the cat I recently posted about. On the other hand, it is certainly possible that cats always want human flesh. In any case, keep your eyes open.

The DNC is in Denver, so of course in nearby Boulder:

And speaking of the DNC; Your music between speakers sucks. Royally blows. "Celebrate?" "Isn't She Lovely?" Now, the crowd seemed to be enjoying the songs (which made me incredibly sad), but let's spice it up a little. With the recent announcement that the Democratic Party is a "party of faith," maybe Stevie Wonder's "Superstitious" would be a good choice.

And CNN, explain the Noise from the Floor graphic and why it randomly goes up and down independent of the cheers and applause of the crowd. It's really annoying (unless you don't have HD, in which case you are spared).

Your Strained Segue leader.

Monday, August 25, 2008

L'affaire la Fair

This is my 200th post. It only took 2 years and 5 months. Yeah!

What could possibly bring this many people out in Minnesota? Well, it was the most beautiful day in the history of Earth. Or could it be?

Yep, it's the Minnesota State Fair. Home of hot chicks eating corn and weird dudes eating buffalo kabobs.

I must say that a fun part of the Fair is interacting with the media. For example, Amy Hockert is far hotter in person than on TV, even in HD.

Apparently, so is Sven Sundgaard.

Animals are another big part of the Fair. We have a lot of fish in Minnesota, and each type is kept in this one pool. I didn't see any of those creepy Asian carp that can walk on land, so that's a good sign.

Here's a tiny hobbit-horse

There was a bit of excitement when the sheep made a run for it in front of the orchestra conductor.

Run, you wool machines! Run like there's a Welshman behind you!

Those sheep may be heroes to this little lamb.

Oh, all that walking gets tiring.

And no day is complete without looking at chicks.

See what I did there? Yeah, you do.

Well, post 200 was about as great as all of my other posts.

Your 200 More leader.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I'm So Sad, I'm So Happy

I just learned that Snot is dead. Anyone who has been to a Renaissance Festival knows of Puke 'n' Snot. If you'd seen there routine once, you knew what it was about, but that didn't stop people from seeing them every year. This is too bad. May his body never rise up to crave the flesh of the living.

In happier news, I just read that the Rock Band equipment will work with Guitar Hero: World Tour. This is a sign of cooperation and respect between two rival game companies. Maybe there is hope for Georgia and Russia.

And finally, the dream of every right-wing radio nutjob:

Your One Less Bodily Function leader.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

He Are The Champions

Well, I can't say it better than Mark Spitz, but Michael Phelps is the greatest swimmer of all time. Way to go, and a big atta boy/girl to the rest of the U.S. swimmers, who brought in 29 medals, including 10 golds. As it stands now, the U.S. has 17 gold medals, and 8 of them belong to one guy. Almost half. Amazing.

There's nothing cooler than sitting in a bar full of people who erupt in cheers as an American swimmer wins the 100 meter butterfly by 1/100 of a second. To put it in perspective, it took you a lot longer than 1/100of a second to read this post to this point. So think about that.

Anyway, the Canadian women lost a hard fought soccer match to the American squad, so GO U.S.A.!

Your Luch Time is Over leader.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

What's In Your Head?

This picture was brought to my attention by Ganesha at Pubhouse Dialogues:

He thought it might be The Hillock, but clearly this cat is not the size of a small province.

As for the message, summer brings out zombies. Something about the position of the sun and UV rays is amenable to the walking dead. So there's nothing to worry about. Unless the cat lives in the southern hemisphere.

Um, if you live with this cat and you're in the southern hemisphere, please let me know immediately.

I'd also like to take a moment to give belated thanks to Tild for her DiscordianStooge Brand crate label:

Special notice should be given to the "K" on the Golden Apple. That shows deeper knowledge of Discordianism that I would have thought Tild might have. I salute her. Although I don't know where Moe came from there.

Your Kallisti leader.

Didn't I Teach You That?

I'm no soccer expert, but I didn't need an expert to figure out that getting sent off in the 3rd minute isn't conducive to victory. Don't elbow a guy in front of the ref. Especially a German ref.

I did find it surprising that the crowd at the match seemed to be for the U.S.

Well, I can be happy that the U.S. women play Canada on Friday. I won't feel as guilty for watching Canada.

Your Agony of Defeat leader.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

I'm A Bad Boy For Breakin' Her Heart

I was not impressed with the U.S. Olympic teams today. Sure, the soccer team drew The Netherlands 2-2, but they clearly should have won and glided into the next round. (Hint: There is an HD-Only Olympic soccer channel, at least on DirecTV Dish Network. Basketball too) I have also become suddenly interested in seeing more of the Canadian women's soccer team after cathing the end of their game last night.

And the girls gymnastics team kept falling off of things. I'm not real knowledgeable in gymnastics, but I'm sure falling is bad.

And while the men's basketball team scored a solid victory over China, they should never lose an Olympic game ever.

Finally, I was surprised to see President Bush appear in front of a picture of Mao Tse-dong during an interview on NBC. I wish he could explain why talking to China is the best way to fight their abysmal human rights record, but talking to anyone else evil is worthless.

Let's see some swimming medals, my fellow Americans, to save the day!

Your We Can Do Better leader.

Update: Way to go, guys, on the 4x100 freestyle. France ain't smashing anything today.

Friday, August 08, 2008

I Wish I Was On The Highway

The Olympics are here again! (My title is a cheat: it's from the song "Olympia, WA" by Rancid)

Go U.S., go Germany, go Czechs (The Germans and Czechs are my people too) and go all of those little countries that rarely win medals. I see Chinese Taipei has already won a medal. Good for them.

Sunday is Handball Day. I can't wait.

Your Global Goodwill (At least for a week) leader.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Crescent Fresh

Public Service Announcement ahead!!!!!

Closed circuit to the guy who needs to get to llama school:

And in case you've forgotten what Crescent Fresh means.

Your Super Cres leader.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Zombie Haiku

This is not entertaining at all. It is horrifying and should be investigated.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Twins In First

The Twins are in 1st place.

This has been another edition of Twins In First.

That is all. (With apologies to Jeff)

Dream Of Californication

Charley Q has a suggestion for John McCain on the VP front. I think it's brilliant, but I'd rather Gardsie stay right where he is.

Since I don't have Showtime, I just started watching the David Duchovney comedy "Californication" on DVD last night. It is the funnies show I've seen in a while, and there are plenty of boobies to be seen. could one ask for anything more?

Dear History Channel: I understand that Michael Crichton wrote a popular book a while ago, but could you help the world wean itself off using the word "Jurassic" to mean dinosaur or, god help us, simply big. Renaming "Jurassic Fight Club" would be a good start.

Have a pleasant week.

Your Working Too Much leader.