Enduring Tortures, Most Of Which Rhyme

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes yes yes! I am not waiting for X-mas. No, I'm off today to buy my own copy.

Now, it's the X-mas season, which means there's a war on. That war is fought on one side by having several local radio stations play nothing but really bad X-mas music until next February. Here's an overview of some of the songs you'll be hearing, despite liberals making sure Christmas is banned in this country.

"Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer' - One of those traditional Christian tunes, about the savior of all humanity, Rudolph. Seriously, there's a version of this song that asks, "Do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?" If we don't recall him, he's not too famous, is he? Also, the song glorifies the fact that all of the bullies come to love Rudolph only after he proves useful to them. Nice message.

"The Christmas Song" - "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire ...' Great song. Evokes family and friendship. Isn't played enough.

"Jingle Bell Rock"/"Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" - Ironically, two of the least "rockin'" songs ever. They make "The Electric Slide" seem edgy.

"Oh Holy Night" - Perhaps my favorite Christmas song, even if it is religious. If sung simply, it can be quite beautiful.

"Silent Night"/"Stille Nacht" - Another good religious song. It's better in German.

"Happy Holiday" - A devious entry by notorious anti-Christian Bing Crosby. Still pretty annoying.

"A Wonderful Christmas Time" - Oh, Paul, how could you put all of the retail workers through this hell? You're lucky you were in The Beatles, or death would be too good for you.

"Last Christmas" - Wham made sure they wouldn't be forgotten. Perhaps being hated forever is better than not being remembered at all.

Of course, the newer X-mas songs tend to be the worst, yet they get a lot more air time. Anything to make my November and December even more unbearable, right?

Your Maybe This Christmas leader.