Sunday, November 05, 2006

And Now ... Endorsements!

I forgot to mention the dark side of hunting. I got very little sleep, and was forced to pee in an ice cream bucket like a common hobo. Also, I'd like to point out that the picture in the previous post is a stock photo and isn't actually me. After all, everyone knows that the real DiscordianStooge wears glasses.

On an unrelated note, I'm really enjoying the contact lenses I just got on Tuesday.

On to the endorsements, courtesy of the Discordian Church, Minnesota Stooge Synod.

Governor: Dr. Eldritch. In these trying times of ours, we need a strong leader with real answers. Especially to fake questions. Dr. Eldritch has the wisdom to lead, and the intelligence to solve the pressing problems of our time. Illegal immigration has gotten a lot of headlines, but only Dr. Eldritch has the know-how to deal with illegal extra-dimensional immigration, which, considering the growing wormhole near Mora, is a real concern. And as Lt. Governor, Trevor the Troll has promised to be tough on Level 3 sex offenders by devouring them whole. He also has a comprehensive E-85 plan.

Attorney General: Jack McCoy. "Hang-Em High" McCoy is the obvious choice to represent Minnesotans in court. As a New York City ADA, he has sent countless murderers to prison. Now is the time for us to put his skills to use fighting corporate greed or whatever it is the AG does.

Secretary of State: Pam Beesly. She can handle Michael Scott as a secretary at Dunder-Mifflin. That's enough for me.

State Auditor: Not the guy who wrote it, but the actual web site should be auditor. Because who really cares?

U.S. Senate: Amy Klobuchar. Even if she does actually exist, I think she'd make a good senator and she didn't run a bunch of attack ads. Plus, Mark Kennedy really creeps me out.

That's it from here. I'm not weighing in on the House of Reps races because I'm tired and the joke was already too thin to begin with.

Vote on Tuesday. If you don't, Nahina will come for you, so keep plenty of kitties and pumpkins available.

Your Never Vote For A Winner leader.

1 comment:

Norwegianity said...

CBAHD, the Committee to Beat All Humor to Death, has found this post to be unacceptably snarky. Say three "N*gger is only OK when I say it"s, denounce Rahelio, and then go and sin no more.