Baby, It's Hot Outside

This is a real mystery. My calculations put the weight of 1,000 gallons of water at 8,340 pounds. That's over 4 tons. That's a lot of water to disappear without a trace. I have 2 theories. The first is aliens. The second is a herd of flying elephants.

Now, an elephant can consume 300-600 lbs of food per day, so assuming 500 lbs of water, it would take 17 flying elephants to consume that much water, and that's assuming they could do it in 4 hours. That many elephants would make too much noise not to be noticed. Also, elephants can't fly.

Aliens presumably can fly, but would they really need exactly 1,000 gallons of chlorinated water? It seems that there are better places to get water, especially considering that some suburban New Jersey family may not have chlorinated the pool.

Neither of my hypotheses address the pool itself being missing. But neither actually works as a theory either, so I didn't bother looking into that aspect of the mystery.

Apparently there will be more on this story in the coming days. Perhaps answers are forthcoming. Or maybe the cover-up will begin.

This is a link for Spotty, but if you're a language nerd, you might enjoy it as well. And Spotty, I was wrong. It is rhinoceros that doesn't pluralize as rhinoceri, not hippopotamus. (Of course the plural of hippopotamus isn't "rhinoceri," but it can be hippopotami, which I said was incorrect Latin while speaking with Spotty earlier this evening. Really, it's a big mess to write, but can be explained in spoken word quite simply. Let's all pretend I didn't say anything at all.)

"Relatives of the woman who left her baby in a van on a hot day say she is new to the country and didn't know the law." So it's OK to leave a baby in a car in 90 degree heat if it's not against the law? "She didn't know it was that hot." I'm guessing she wears a refrigerated suit at all times, because it was fucking hot out on Wednesday.

DON'T LEAVE YOUR BABY IN THE CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm glad the baby didn't die, especially because the mother might get charged for her stupidity/laziness/cruelty. Unfortunately, when parents kill their baby in this manner they are considered to have "suffered enough" from the loss of their child, and never go to jail for it.

As a side note, if you see a baby sitting in a car in hot weather, call the police, but don't wait for them to arrive to break the window. Mere minutes could save a baby's life, so the sooner the heat is alleviated, the better.

Wow. I need to get away from getting outraged about kids being treated poorly at the end of posts that are started with more humorous content.

Your Mysterious Water Loss leader.