To Normal

And we're back to not caring for another 4 years.

It's the Dream That We All Share!

It was his idea.

NSFW!



If you don't follow Twitter, here's how the game went for me.

Pregame:
Am I the only one who thinks Landon Donovan looks like Michael Westin? about 6 hours ago via HootSuite

About 5 minutes in:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH phew! Too close. #USA #ALG #worldcup

After an Algeria shot off the crossbar.

About 25 minutes in:
#USA keeps having goals taken away. It's a lot harder to win that way.

After another absolute shit offisides call to nullify a goal.

About 35 minutes in:
Put it in the GOD DAMNED NET! #USA

That was after about 3 missed open-net opportunities.

Halftime came and went, and I found myself having to Re-Tweet myself:
COME ON! RT @DiscordianStooj: Put it in the GOD DAMNED NET! #USA

That was after another 3 really good scoring opportunities.

At around the 90 minute mark:
2nd yellow card for #USA on a "handball" that didn't happen to go with the 2 goals stolen from them.

And then, less than a minute later:
GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES! #USA 1:0 #ALG #worldcup

After 5 minutes to compose myself:
Ahem. ... Final result #USA 1:0 #ALG USA wins group C, joined by the Three Kitties #worldcup #eng

I'll probably never do the Tweet re-cap again.

Your Field of 16 leader.

What Will Be Revealed Today

Ahem.

Oye! Oye!

Today I announce that the Affiliate is pregnant. That's right, if all goes well, I will be a father to a baby come December.

Finally, a Spin-off. (That's my nickname for the baby. Here only, 'cause we're calling it "Umberto" until we collapse the wave function and the sex is determined.)

As If In A Dream, The One And Only V

Ugh. The DFL continues to show it doesn't want to win. I'm still waiting for the DFL to explain how a bill passed 125-9 was sucessfully vetoed. Sure, all the repubs ran away. Who were they? Why haven't they been asked over and over why they changed their votes? MAK has had trouble with the repubs when she had a clear majority. How will she handle them in a straight-up election? She's shown me nothing that says she can win, and plenty to say she can't.

It's hard to believe religious conservatives want to remove Thomas Jefferson from history books. It would make it easier for people like Sarah Palin to lie.

Prof. Stephen Hawking warns against communication with aliens. He's right about the odds of something being out there. Where he's wrong is saying not to explore because the aliens might be unfriendly and destroy us. (Also, he is just regurgitating the plot of "Independence Day" and the tv show "V." See what I did with my post title, now?)

We are humans. What we do is explore. There's always been a segment of society who said, "Don't cross that river, there are monsters on the other side." The maps with sea monters and "Here there be dragons" (Should I warn you of the horror of that link? Nah.) put on to discourage exploration. And there are always people who ignore it.

Prof. Hawking uses a Columbus analogy, saying we would be like the aboriginal Americans being invaded by the aliens. Possibly. Or we could be Columbus, finding a beautiful new world for humanity out among the stars. Maybe we could even do a better job of not virtually wiping out any inhabitants on that new world.

Either way, fear is a poor excuse not to explore.

Besides, if angry aliens do come to steal our water, we can use it against them with ... The Homeopathy Bomb! (Yay!)

Ask yourself, What Would Jesus Do? (NSFW) Or, clearly, don't, because you suck.

I've pretty much given up on the idea that I'll post Italy pictures. That involves work.

Your Boldly Go Where No One Has Gone Before leader.

Annual ZJD Post

The Day has come again. Tomorrow is Zombie Jesus Day. It is becomming a tradition, but I'll just link to what you need to know to be ready.

Be afraid.

(Italy Pics coming soon, I hope.)

Alia Iacta

I made a joke last week that Bigfoot is real, and clearly a ghost, which is why there is no evidence for him.

Someone is listening in on my conversations.



Off to Venezia tomorrow, then Rome and Neopolis. It'll be nice to be out of touch for a week. (Not really. Our hotel in Rome has free Wi-Fi. Oh well.)

Your I Believe Carthage Should Be Destroyed leader.

Now Put Your Hands Up!

The Olympics are over! I'm finally free!

Does anyone know where I can watch a random cross-country skiing race?

The biggest hoax of the 20th Century is finally debunked. Proof that the Titanic never sank. One point:

The bottom of the sea is a messy place. Whales die there and their skeletons become home for all sorts of stuff. Have you seen a whale? They’re huge, especially the huge ones. Imagine one of those possibly killed by one of those stealth CO₂ emitting volcanoes that no-one’s found yet. Yet amongst all this there’s supposed to be a ’shipwreck’. Against the vast majesty of nature, isn’t a tiny bit arrogant to assume that man could do anything noticeable on the sea-bed?

Let's find the purveyors of this nonsense and make sure they're brought to justice.

A dating tip for women, courtesy of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. It is 100% true.




Use it wisely.

Your "London 2012, Here We Come" leader.

How Many People Wanna Kick Some Ass?

(Videos Not Safe For Work)

Dear Bruce,



Your new nickname is "Epic Beard Man."



Dear Everyone,

Don't fuck with Epic Beard Man.

That is all.

What A Horrible Night To Have A Curse

Ugh.

The Saints won the same way they did much of the year; Lucky bounces, bad officiating and opponents' mistakes. Who wins by only three with a +4 takeaway ratio?

So, anyway, I'm starting to believe the Vikings are cursed, and I'll never see them in a Super Bowl. So be it!

Well, there's always next year. Are there any aging quarterbacks available to sign?

Your Always Next Year leader.

That's Not My Name

Oh ... Hell ... Yeah!



I love that President Bartlet is narrating. Only excitement over the Vikings game is keeping me from salivating too much over the game. If they lose, Monday is going to suck.

Oh, and if you're the person in my local Netflix area who is watching Babylon 5; What do you think of the series? I'm finding it to be better than even "Battlestar Galactica." Also, I'm one disc behind you, and I'm watching each disc in pretty much one day, so if you could make sure you speed up your watching habits a bit, that would be great. Thanks in advance.

Worst doctor visit ever. In a related note, I know a guy who will sell you a $100,000 meteorite life insurance policy for $1 a month. Just think about it.

And how could I almost let the day end without realizing it's National Pie Day. Olivia Munn must be ecstatic.



Your "Who Dat Who Gon' Beat Dem Saints? We Dat Who Gon' Beat Dem Saints!" leader.

The Rumor Of My Demise ...

I've been quite uninspired to write as of late, but, you know, Vikings, NFC Championship, blah, blah, blah ...

I always ... I always ... I always love that one!

Now, I'm not one to pray. However, I am one to cheer for the Vikings and be heretical. So, by a narrow 2-1 margin, I bring you this:

Our Favre-ther who art in Mississippi, hallowed be thy name. Thy bowl will come, it will be won, in Miami as it is in the Dome. Give us this Sunday, our weekly win. Give us touchdown passes, but do not let others pass against us. Lead us not into frustration, but deliver us to the Super Bowl. For thine is, the MVP, the best of the NFC, and the glory of the Purple People Eaters now and forever. - Author Unknown (to me, anyway)

This is how it should be. My grandpa was a bus driver, so I get angry when they are threatened or accosted. Criminals think people will sit by and let them be assholes. Let's keep letting them know we're willing to fight to keep a civil society.

Cecil gets one wrong. To be fair, this article is from 1980, and technology has vastly improved since then. To save money (and energy), you should always turn the lights off when they are not needed.

Your We Still Hate the Push-off leader.

And Never Brought To Mind

Good year everyone!

All right, let's get some sleep and do it again tomorrow!

Merry X-Mas!

Yes, I'm alive. And enjoying the snowfall in the MSP Metro area. White Christmas, indeed.

The best X-Mas song ever.



Merry Christmas, everyone!

Men Who Mean Just What They Say

Please hug a veteran today. Or buy them a beer. Yeah, buy them a beer instead.

Marty Beckerman scores again. The funny thing is, I've been reading his work for 10 years or so, and I never considered him a rabid right-winger. Sure, he was appearing on Fox News, but his writing always has held an undercurrent of obscene libertarianism, in the "I want to keep my money, but I want to spend it on drugs and hookers" sense of the word. His description of himself doesn't match what I've ever gotten from him, but I'm glad he's able to see how a person can change.

Sign him now!

Sean Hannity is a Twit.

Again, please let our veterans know they are appreciated. They keep us safe and give us the ability to enjoy things like the Vikings being 7-1 and running away with the NFC North division.

Your Fearless Men leader.

True, Nervous. Very, Very Dreadfully Nervous I Had Been And Am. But Why Will You Say That I Am Mad?

Hi. Happy Halloween! I hope you are scared but safe tonight. But if you think you might be a zombie, Savage Chickens has a quick test for you to take.

Here are some words to help you get in the mood of the evening.

The effect was that of a Cyclopian city of no architecture known to man or human imagination, with vast aggregations of night-black masonry embodying monstrous perversions of geometrical laws and attaining the most grotesque extremes of sinister bizarrerie. - H.P. Lovecraft

The fair girl went on her knees and bent over me, fairly gloating. There was a deliberate voluptuousness which was both thrilling and repulsive, and as she arched her neck she actually licked her lips like an animal... I could feel the soft, shivering touch of the lips on the supersensitive skin of my throat, and the hard dents of two sharp teeth, just touching and pausing there. - Jonathan Harker

I find evidences of its presence every day. I watched again all last night in the same cover, gun in hand, double-charged with buckshot. In the morning the fresh footprints were there, as before. Yet I would have sworn that I did not sleep — indeed, I hardly sleep at all. It is terrible, insupportable! If these amazing experiences are real I shall go mad; if they are fanciful I am mad already.- Ambrose Bierce

Something came; again, that's all I can say for sure. It may have been the fact that the mist only allowed us to glimpse things briefly, but I think it just as likely that there are certain things the brain disallows. There are things of such darkness and horror - just as, I suppose, there are things of great beauty - that they will not fit through the puny human doors of perception. - Stephen King

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted - nevermore!

Your Hiding In The Shadows bleed-er.

It's Been A Long Time

One whole month without posting.

That is all.

Your Where Am I? leader.

Form A Line To The Throne (Vikings 2-0)

I say play the playoff (if necessary) at Target Field. I also say the Twins should make it unnecessary.

Not much to mention from the Vikings game. It's weird to think that 92 yards rushing and a touchdown is disappointing, though.

(Closed Circuit to the Baseball Writers Association: Mauer for MVP!)

Can one of my lawyer readers answer this question: If you settle a lawsuit, and part of the settlement is that the defendant doesn't admit guilt, and the plaintiff's attorney then comes right out and says, "$200,000 sounds like an admission of misconduct to me," should the plaintiff's attorney forfeit all of his fee and be disbarred for breaking the agreement?

Maybe it's just me, but I think knowingly exposing someone to a deadly disease should be more than a misdemeanor.

A Florida man was arrested after killing his family. He said he wanted to kill himself, but that he wouldn't get into heaven if he committed suicide. Murdering 6 people doesn't bar you from heaven, but killing yourself afterward does? He also claims an evil spirit made him kill his family. I'm pretty sure that's a valid defense in Florida.

Muammar Qadaffi calls U.N. Security Council "Terrorism Council." Oddly, he then asked for a permanent seat for Libya.

Happy Birthday, Boss!

Your Looking For Overexposure leader.

It's Spanish For "The Vegas"

Kanye, even the president thinks you're a jackass. That's why these are funny.

Eddie Izzard for MP! (I'm guessing he'd join a long line of cross-dressing English politicians.)

And now I'm off to the City of Lights, Las Vegas.

(I'm being told that the City of Lights is Paris. I've been to Paris and Las Vegas. Las Vegas has way more lights. It also has Paris.) Can I be DK at a Pai Gow table by 6 o'clock? All signs point to "yes."

Your Double Down leader.

It Came Out Magical (Vikings 1-0)

So it took a Vikings game to pull me out from my not intentional blogging hiatus.

And what a game it was. Sure, the 1st half was a little sloppy, but Adrian Peterson will not be denied. I like what I'm seeing from the Vikes, and am looking forward to what they will do next week against the Lions. Speaking of whom, has any team gone 0-16 two seasons in a row?

Why haven't I been blogging? Well, I worked 14 out of 15 days in a row, most of it at the State Fair. The Fair is always a good time, though the Kid Rock concert brought out some rowdy folk.

Also, The Affiliate has been lonly without The Hillock, so we adopted 2 kittens.

That's Aristotle on the left and Joules on the right. We'll be bringing them home after our trip to Las Vegas.

A trip to celebrate my 30th birthday on Thursday.

OK, time to watch the season finale of "True Blood."

Your Really I'm Just Lazy leader.

I've Got Cat Class And I've Got Cat Style

So I'm sitting here as the fastest thunderstorm in history blows over, plotting out my spot on the Super Bowl parade route and missing The Hillock trying to steal my string cheese, and I come across a titter post from Marty Beckerman. It links to this story by Prof. Alan Dershowitz where SCJ Scalia makes the case that innocence is no reason not to execute somebody.

“This court has never held that the Constitution forbids the execution of a convicted defendant who has had a full and fair trial but is later able to convince a habeas court that he is ‘actually’ innocent. Quite to the contrary, we have repeatedly left that question unresolved, while expressing considerable doubt that any claim based on alleged ‘actual innocence’ is constitutionally cognizable.”

Dershowitz has good point:

Let us be clear precisely what this means. If a defendant were convicted, after a constitutionally unflawed trial, of murdering his wife, and then came to the Supreme Court with his very much alive wife at his side, and sought a new trial based on newly discovered evidence (namely that his wife was alive), these two justices would tell him, in effect: “Look, your wife may be alive as a matter of fact, but as a matter of constitutional law, she’s dead, and as for you, Mr. Innocent Defendant, you’re dead, too, since there is no constitutional right not to be executed merely because you’re innocent.”

Dershowitz also wonders how this affects Scalia's Catholicism. I'm waiting for Bill Donahue to call for Scalia being denied communion, although I'm not putting any money on it.

I'm more worried that a Supreme Court Justice thinks it's perfectly OK to execute innocent people under our Constition. Maybe, just maybe, that might be unreasonable seizure.

Of course, if that guy's wife was not alive, but had in fact come back as a zombie, then all bets are off. Of course, that study just tells us the obvious. That zombies must be wiped out immediately. I wish they'd paid me a bunch of cash to say that.

Your Cat Missing leader.